


the enemy within (and all the fires from your friends)

by collegefangirl3791, skywalking-across-the-galaxy (BadWolfGirl01)



Series: these battle scars [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (i mean honestly we're kinda just breaking everything more but), ALL THE FLUFF, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence - Order 66, Canon-Typical Violence, Chosen One Ahsoka Tano, Clone Wars, Clones, Episode: s05e20 The Wrong Jedi, Episode: s06e02 Conspiracy, Episode: s06e03 Fugitive, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Force-sensitive Kix, Gray Jedi, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kamino, Mando'a, Mortis (Star Wars), Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Well that escalated quickly, What Have I Done, Whump, before we break them even more, but psyyyych, clone culture, clones can be force-sensitive too, everyone thinks Anakin is the chosen one, flufffffffff, heh bet you didn't see that one coming, honestly what even is this, including the authors, lol what is canon, okay but look there's fluff again, somebody take these bbs away from us, the Will of the Force, the dark side wants to eat you, the force will rip you apart and spit you out, whee here we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-24 09:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 67,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14352633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collegefangirl3791/pseuds/collegefangirl3791, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfGirl01/pseuds/skywalking-across-the-galaxy
Summary: “This is about your Padawan, Skywalker,” he says, glancing around at his fellow council members. “How is her training progressing, do you think?”“Just fine, Master,” Anakin says, and Mace can tell already that he’s on his guard, expecting some kind of criticism.“Are there any areas you would identify as particularly difficult for her, any… difficulties she’s had of late?”“What are you trying to ask, Master Windu?” Anakin says, almost belligerently.Mace purses his lips, shakes his head a little. ‘When we were on Cato Neimoidia, Skywalker, your Padawan drew on the Dark Side of the Force in the defense of a clone from your battalion. I hope this is not a tendency of hers, but rather an isolated incident.”He senses a tension from Anakin as he answers, and finds himself doubting what Anakin says. “That is serious. I don’t believe she’s done that before, Master.”[or: what happens when secrets come to light. an AU rewrite of the wrong Jedi arc and the first arc of season 6.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hi welcome to what appears to be the climax of this series, all the threads coming together at once! :) we had a plan for this fic, but then the characters started doing things and that plan kinda died; now what you see is what happened when my (badwolfgirl's) muse _finally_ kicked into gear and started writing. we're not entirely sure where this is going, but we're 35k words in and still going really strongly, so...
> 
> leave us a comment and let us know what you think!

Mace Windu is rather concerned about Padawan Ahsoka Tano. She’s grown up quite as  _ unconventional  _ as her Master, perhaps more so in some ways. At least until now, however, there had been no  _ real _ fear that the less traditional approach would do her any harm, but he’s beginning to think they may have made a mistake, being so permissive.

On their mission on Cato Neimoidia, he’d felt something a little worse than  _ unconventional _ from her, and he’s worried enough that he decides to call a meeting of the Council, and of course Anakin. Anakin needs to be aware that his Padawan had reached for the Dark Side - and used it with almost a  _ familiar  _ ease.

He sits comfortably in his chair, fingers steepled under his chin, and tries to seem as sympathetic as he can towards Anakin; the young Knight has a tendency to become defensive, to swing quickly to extremes. That has mellowed, some, but Anakin is still Anakin.

“This is about your Padawan, Skywalker,” he says, glancing around at his fellow council members. “How is her training progressing, do you think?”

“Just fine, Master,” Anakin says, and Mace can tell already that he’s on his guard, expecting some kind of criticism.

“Are there any areas you would identify as particularly difficult for her, any… difficulties she’s had of late?”

“What are you trying to ask, Master Windu?” Anakin says, almost belligerently.

Mace purses his lips, shakes his head a little. ‘When we were on Cato Neimoidia, Skywalker, your Padawan drew on the Dark Side of the Force in the defense of a clone from your battalion. I hope this is not a  _ tendency _ of hers, but rather an isolated incident.”

He senses a tension from Anakin as he answers, and finds himself doubting what Anakin says. “That  _ is _ serious. I don’t believe she’s done that before, Master.”

“I’m inclined to believe it speaks of a difficulty with attachment on her part,” Mace adds.

Anakin crosses his arms and shakes his head, looking fairly certain. “She struggles at times with attachment, but she wouldn’t use the Dark Side, not intentionally.”

“Intentional or not, Knight Skywalker, I’m concerned. I believe it would be wise for you to discuss this with her - and perhaps she should spend some time in meditation with Master Yoda or Obi-Wan.”

“I’d be happy to help,” Obi-Wan says, nodding. Thank the Force. Obi may be able to get through to Ahsoka, and Mace knows that Obi-Wan has a great deal of experience with releasing attachments - perhaps more than someone so young should have yet.

Anakin nods, sighing. “Of course I’ll talk to her. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Master Windu.”

Mace inclines his head, then turns as Yoda speaks up. “Fail Padawan Tano, you must not, young Skywalker. Much to lose, there is - but much to gain, also.”

“We must not let her down,” Master Plo says, seriously, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair. “The Order needs someone like her.”

Perhaps they do. Ahsoka has often shown herself to be a shining example of a Jedi Padawan - a fast learner, a good fighter, able to focus and teach and negotiate, and strong of will. They can’t afford to let her down - if she were to Fall, the effects would be grave indeed.

~~~

The Zygerrian empire has finally been destroyed. Unofficially, of course, Anakin tells them, but the news is enough to put a smile on several troopers’ faces. 

Ahsoka just meets his gaze and nods, a silent  _ thank you _ passing between them. Kadavo will never hold another slave.

It is enough. 

In the wake of the news (most of the men know exactly what it means for their Captain and Commander), and the fortuitous event that is Anakin being called back to Coruscant to speak with the Council about something or other,  Fives decides that it's past time for a trip to 79’s. Rex protests a little, and so does Ahsoka, but in the end the ARC trooper wins. 

And, of course, it's not very often a _ Jedi _ comes with their battalion, so the clone bartender determines that all her drinks are on the house. So maybe she drinks a little more than she should, but there's music and dancing and even _ Rex _ is relaxed, a gleam in his golden eyes, and she convinces him to dance with her fairly easily. They're all enjoying the break from shipboard life and the constant war.

So really, it's no surprise when Ahsoka lets her guard down, leans in to kiss Rex in full sight of most of the room; she's tipsy and relaxed and the light in his eyes has her stomach doing flips. 

It seems like a good idea at the time, really it does. And there's cheering, the sound of credits exchanging hands (apparently Fives has been making bets all night), and Rex is projecting love and wonder at her.

Everything is perfect. 

~~~

Rex keeps his arm hooked around Ahsoka’s shoulders even after she pulls back from kissing him, her blue eyes bright with mischief and happiness. She’s definitely been drinking too much, and he’s headed that way, and there’s a warm buzz in his veins and everything feels alright right now. Even kriffing Fives and Jesse with their bets and whooping.

She leans against him comfortably, and he keeps her close, mostly content with watching his men’s antics without participating. Zygerria’s empire has collapsed, the slaves are free and being given sanctuary on Naboo, and his blaster wound is finally healed enough that Kix and Tuck don't even seem concerned tonight.

_ Ner’jetii _ , he thinks, a hum of amusement bleeding through the bond.  _ You're a lightweight _ .

_ I am not _ , she protests, and he smiles, kisses her temple.

_ Okay. _ He shouldn't let her have any more Corellian whiskey, definitely.  _ Tell me that again in the morning when you're hungover _ .

_ Jedi don't get hungover _ .

_ Bantha poodoo, _ he thinks, laughing. “Soka, you're impossible.”

“Maybe a little.” She leans into him harder, digging her elbow into his uninjured side. “You are too, though.”

Rex rolls his eyes and lets her laugh at him, not really bothered. “Fair enough.”

Tup strolls over, holds out a few credits. “I guess I owe you a drink,  _ vod _ ,” he says, and Rex holds out his hand to catch the money.

“Excuse me, what was that?” Ahsoka says, sounding offended.

“I  _ think _ ,” Rex says, tossing the credits up into the air and catching them, “this is the money I won for betting Tup that Jedi can't hold their drink.”

“Rex,” Ahsoka whines, scowling at him. “That's stupid and rude.”

“Not since I won - I think I'm going to get another beer.”

Ahsoka elbows him again and he pockets his credits, privately relieved that out of all the odd abilities the Force can grant, apparently “inability to get drunk” isn't one of them. “I'll share,” he says lightly. “Come on.”

~~~

The night turns _ fuzzy,  _ after that. 

Ahsoka wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache and a low, persistent nausea. She can tell Rex is awake, but he's not moving around; instead, he sends,  _ how are you this morning?  _ and she swears he feels _ smug.  _

_ Kriff you,  _ she responds acidly, and buries her head in the pillow.  _ Kriff Fives. Kriffing free drinks.  _

He laughs, and she winces at the sound.  _ Sorry, Soka, but-- _

_ Don't you _ **_dare_ ** _ say I told you so!  _

_ “Jedi can't get hungover,” _ he reminds her, and she swears.  _ Lightweight. _

“Shut _ up,” _ Ahsoka says, and she rolls over, presses her face against his chest.  _ If I throw up I'm doing it on you.  _

_ Soka! _

_ Serves you right.  _

~~~

Rex shuts up because if she throws up on him he'll probably throw up himself. His head hurts too, although not so much, so he closes his eyes.  _ Truce, Soka, for kriff’s sake. _

She grumbles at him and twists her fingers into his shirt but she doesn't say anything, so it seems she's listening to him. Rex rubs her shoulder gently and shifts on their bunk, and she huffs a silent laugh.

_ Did you see Dogma’s face when I kissed you? _

Rex had not, in fact, paid much attention to anyone else’s faces after that kiss, because it was much more pleasant to look at Ahsoka’s.  _ No, why? _

_ He looked like he was having a heart attack.  _ Ahsoka shows him the memory of Dogma gaping, cup of whiskey frozen by his lips. Dogma is a good man but he's still very  _ stiff _ and Rex isn't surprised to see his reaction.

_ Poor Dogma _ , he thinks, chuckling.

_ If I asked Kix for pain meds would he scold me? _ Ahsoka asks. It's a good question.

“No.” Rex sits up, slowly, easing her with him and ignoring her little squeak and “ow Rex.” Kix doesn't approve of the men getting drunk, but other than perhaps a little passive aggression, he distributes pain meds without comment. “At worst he'll ask you ‘what for’ and then shake his head at you when you answer, but he'll give them to you.”

“Worth it,” Ahsoka decides - but doesn't move to get up. Rex doesn't blame her. His bunk is comfortable and her head is pounding and if she goes to talk to Kix they can't sit like this.

“I love you, Ahsoka,” he says quietly, rubbing her back.

“I love you too,” she answers, almost begrudgingly, still clearly annoyed at him for implying an  _ I told you so _ .

~~~

Ahsoka gives in after a few more minutes, sends a soft _ I'll be right back _ at Rex and pushes herself to her feet. Everything _ spins _ and she closes her eyes for a moment, swallows, waits it out before she starts moving. 

Kix takes one look at her and _ sighs.  _ “Commander--”

“Rex said you wouldn't scold,” she half-whines, squinting against the too-bright lights of the med bay. “Just give me some kriffing pain meds, Kix.”

Kix rolls his eyes, but he hands her the meds without comment; she swallows the pills for her and takes a couple back for Rex. 

She's almost back to her room when Anakin nudges her mind.  _ Snips,  _ and he stops.  _ What the kriff? _

She groans.  _ Fives drug us to 79’s. They gave me free drinks.  _

She can almost _ feel _ Anakin rolling his eyes.  _ Well, Obi-Wan and I need to talk to you and Rex, so get yourselves less hungover and come meet us.  _

_ Fine,  _ she says sulkily, and she sends the memory of the conversation to Rex. 

~~~

Rex heads straight for the bridge, after spending enough time in the fresher that he hopefully doesn't look as bad as he feels and pulling on his armor. Kriffing headaches. At least his isn't as bad as Ahsoka’s.

General Kenobi and Anakin are in their Jedi robes, looking very serious (in Anakin’s case, also upset), and Ahsoka glances at him as he walks in, smiling. He can feel she’s a little anxious now, which is reasonable. As he walks up to her, she holds out a few pills and he takes them gratefully, dry-swallows them. Anakin gives him a look, like  _ really _ ? Rex doesn’t generally actually drink that much when the 501st goes out. Rex shrugs and crosses his arms. Last night hadn’t really been a night to sit stiffly in the corner.

“There was a meeting of the Jedi Council last night,” General Kenobi says, and he sounds as collected as ever, although his voice has a bit of a razor’s edge. “Master Windu informed us that he had felt  _ you _ , Ahsoka, using the Dark Side of the Force to fight on your last mission together. To defend Captain Rex here.” Kenobi shakes his head, narrowing his eyes. “When I asked the two of you to be more subtle, this was  _ not  _ what I had in mind.”

Kriff. Rex presses quickly against Ahsoka’s mind, soothes some of her sudden anxiety before it can quite register. “Master Obi-Wan, I didn’t-” Ahsoka fumbles, glances at Anakin, and Anakin sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Master Windu is… concerned,” Anakin says, and General Kenobi gives him a slightly incredulous look. “He said he’s worried you struggle with attachment, which in fairness,” he glances at Rex, shrugs, “is true.”

“ _ Master Windu _ is concerned?” Kenobi asks, then puts his hands on his hips and stares at Anakin. “What do you know about this, Anakin? This should be more serious to you - to both of you. These attachments of yours are one thing, but letting that motivate you to use the Dark Side is another entirely. This is  _ why _ the Code forbids attachment, Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka looks at Rex, thinks,  _ What do I tell him? _

_ I don’t know, Ahsoka, this isn’t really my area of expertise _ . Personally, Rex wants to tell General Windu to mind his own business, but that’s out of the question.

“If you two would  _ focus _ ,” Kenobi says. “Please, just this once.”

Rex feels Ahsoka cringe a little and he looks down. Kenobi is right, this is serious - if the Council has noticed Ahsoka using the Dark Side and they think it’s bad enough to bring up to Anakin, maybe they have been a little careless.  _ I think you better try to actually explain, Soka, _ he thinks.

~~~

Ahsoka winces, bites her lip. “It, uh, was an accident, Master Kenobi,” she says, glancing down at her feet. “I was really tired from trying to use Force healing on Rex and I could feel his pain and the clankers _ attacked our wounded,  _ Master! I just--”

“Ahsoka, this has gone too far,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “Fear and anger are the path to the Dark Side, and attachment is a surefire way to develop fear and anger. I _ know _ you're attached already, but you need to take a step _ back.  _ This isn't healthy.”

She can't _ breathe.  _

_ Anakin please, _ she begs,  _ they're going to take him away. I can't!  _

She reaches out, clutches Rex’s hand tightly. Anakin doesn't respond; he sends her a brief sense of warmth and comfort, but steps across the bridge to mutter into his wristcomm. (She tries not to resent him for that.)

They're going to _ take Rex away from her _ and she's _ alone.  _

…

Darth Sidious discards the facade the Republic knows as Chancellor Palpatine the moment the aide leaves his office, steepling his fingers in front of his face in thought. He needs to get young Skywalker _ alone _ if his manipulation is going to succeed; before, it'd been progressing as planned, but that  _ damned _ padawan is going to ruin everything! 

He's just received new information, though, that could change _ everything.  _ A mistake the padawan has made has turned to be the key to revealing a weakness he had not seen: the clone Captain of the 501st.

And Anakin is powerful, yes, but Ahsoka has a _ wildness _ to her, an almost _ ferality _ that lends itself perfectly to certain aspects of the Dark Side. If he could turn her, could capture her loyalty… perhaps Anakin won't be needed. (He'll still have to kill Amidala, though. She is far too dangerous in the Senate, and he needs his position to be secure when he names himself Emperor.)

He will never be able to win her with the Captain in the way, however. Something needs to happen to get the clone out of the way. He also needs to manipulate events so that the Jedi lose standing in the padawan’s eyes. He knows her character well enough to know her loyalty will always lie with the Jedi--unless the Jedi betray her, abandon her, break her trust. 

And, given what his spies observed the previous night, perhaps he can kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes. He presses a button on the commlink on his desk. 

Tarkin’s response is gratifyingly swift. “Chancellor, what may I do for you?”

“I have security droid footage of a likely relationship between Padawan Tano and Captain Rex of the 501st. There are protocols forbidding such things, as I recall. I do believe the Captain should be sent for reconditioning, or perhaps even terminated, as he is clearly defective. Handle it.”

“Of course, Chancellor,” and the man is clearly _ gleeful.  _ “But the Jedi Commander won't allow justice to be done, and the Council will back her.”

Sidious smiles, gently persuades another strand of the Force to settle in the pattern he wishes. “I do not think they will be so eager to aid the padawan when they have seen this worrying new evidence. I fear the taint of the Dark Side has spread even to the young.”

Tarkin laughs, and the Force snaps into place, a shift so minute even Mace Windu and his gift for shatterpoints will not see it, like a grain of sand; but given enough time, enough grains of sand, and the Jedi will be buried in their unmaking before they even sense its approach. And Sidious _ smiles,  _ because not even Darth Bane managed what _ he _ will: their ancient enemy's utter destruction at their own hand. There is an elegance, a poetry to being the catalyst inspiring the suicide of the Order. 

From the ashes of the Light, the Dark shall arise.

And another thin-as-spidersilk strand of his web is woven into place. 

~~~

Rex squeezes Ahsoka’s hand, meets Kenobi’s eyes somewhat defiantly. “All due respect, sir, but all she did was pulverize a few clankers. That's hardly going to turn her into a Sith.”

Kenobi frowns at him, shaking his head. “Rex, you're oversimplifying things.”

“I don't think I am.” Rex is a little tired of the Jedi insistence on total  _ calm _ \- he doesn't think it's ever been that helpful to Ahsoka or Anakin or even General Kenobi himself. “Sir, it isn't  _ unhealthy _ to be ‘attached’ - not always, at least.”

“The minute you're willing to betray your principles for the sake of an attachment, because you fear to lose someone, you're on dangerous ground,” Kenobi says sharply. Rex scowls, but he can’t argue because the General is right - in part. That was why he’d stopped Ahsoka from killing Agruss. Kenobi turns to Ahsoka again, sighing, stroking his beard. “Ahsoka, it isn't the droids dying I'm concerned about, or you defending Rex. It's the  _ means _ by which that was accomplished. If you let that become a pattern you could easily go too far, do too much in the name of attachment and protection.”

~~~

Ahsoka grits her teeth. “Alright,  _ fine,  _ I promise I won't do it again, just--”

“What the _ kriffing hell were you two thinking?”  _ Anakin snarls out, cutting her off.

“Sir?” Rex asks cautiously. 

Anakin holds out a holo showing Ahsoka and Rex kissing each other. “Security droid got this last night. Tarkin just commed me because _ procedure _ states Rex is going to be taken for reconditioning. I repeat:  _ what were you thinking?” _

Ahsoka _ freezes,  _ staggers back a step. This _ can't _ be happening. _ Please, no,  _ she begs, but she's not even sure who's listening. 

~~~

Rex can't  _ breathe _ . He sways a little before forcing himself to  _ be still _ , immediately, and automatically looks to Ahsoka for some kind of reassurance. She looks as horrified as he feels and he shields some of his more panicked ideas. “Sir,” he says, looking at Anakin, “we didn't mean to, to have anyone  _ see _ . 79’s is a clone bar and we were drunk, and I- We weren’t thinking.”

“Oh, you  _ think? _ ” Anakin snarls, and Rex flinches a little. “You of all people should have known better, Rex!”

He should have, but he’d been tipsy and lost in Ahsoka’s eyes and 79’s was  _ supposed _ to be safe.

Reconditioning means the Kaminoans take his armor, his rank, his battalion, and wipe his memory. Leave him as useless as a shiny, reassign him, and he loses everything before the event of reconditioning. There’s one brother in the 501st who’s been reconditioned - none of them know his original battalion - and he’s always seemed a little lost. They try to help him as much as they can because they all know that he’s not  _ really _ Rush, doesn’t belong there.

He wants to plead with Anakin, ask him to please not let this happen to him, but he swallows instead and shifts into parade rest, lost in the sound of blood rushing in his ears. “Sir, I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

Ahsoka reaches for his arm and puts her hand around his elbow, leaning into him a little. “Anakin, they  _ can’t! _ ”

“I know that, Snips!”

Kenobi is frowning, eyeing the footage, arms crossed. “This isn’t good,” he says softly. “But if we tell the Council, they may be able to help - they don’t approve of reconditioning.” Kenobi’s eyes flash and Rex thinks the General has a stronger opinion than he’s just said. “Surely this is not sufficient provocation to cost the Republic one of its best officers. That would mean though, Ahsoka, that we’d have to tell the Council about your attachment to Rex.”

Rex glances at her. He does  _ not _ want the Jedi Council knowing about them, and he knows she doesn’t, but if that means he doesn’t have to lose himself, lose her, his men,  _ everything _ , it would be worth it.

“You know Tarkin will probably send them this footage, too, anyway,” Kenobi adds, gently, sighing. He does look  _ sorry _ or else Rex would want to lash out at him - he is  _ angry _ and scared and everything has gone so  _ wrong _ so  _ fast _ .

~~~

Ahsoka swallows, tightens her hold on Rex. “Please, Master Kenobi, just--I'll do anything,  _ please _ don't let this happen.”

_ I'm so sorry, Rex, this is all my fault, if I'd just been more careful-- _

Rex cuts her off with a wave of love and comfort.  _ It's alright, Soka, it'll be alright. General Kenobi will fix this. They won't take me away, I promise,  _ and she knows the words are empty because he doesn't _ know _ but she clings to them anyway. 

_ I can't lose you, Rex,  _ she tells him, crumbling in on herself like a tunnel made of sand,  _ I can't. I think it would kill me.  _

~~~

_ I’m sorry, Soka _ , he thinks, and part of him is terrified because if they  _ can’t _ save him, if he has to go back to Kamino, she  _ has _ to be alright, his men have to be alright.  _ You’ll be fine _ , and that feels too much like admitting that he’s already convinced he’s going to lose them, so he swallows.  _ We’re always fine. _

But clones are made to fight and die, and that finally seems to be catching up to him.

Kenobi sighs again, looks at Anakin, and Rex is pretty sure they’re communicating silently. “We have to tell the Council,” he says, finally. “It’s our best option.”

Rex hates the idea of getting Ahsoka in more trouble to save him, but he has no illusions about this: it will be better for everyone if Ahsoka is reprimanded, even told to cut off their attachment, than for him to lose  _ everything he is _ . They will make this all work, they have to.  _ I’m sorry, Soka, _ he says again,  _ but he’s right _ .

_ I know _ , she thinks, sharp.

The GAR will insist on some kind of punishment for him but surely the Jedi Council can talk them out of  _ reconditioning _ .

“Okay,” he says, glances at Ahsoka. It’s up to her, really, much more than it is him.

“Fine, I’ll tell them,” she says heavily. “Of course I will.”

Rex sends her a wave of gratitude, tries to manage the accompanying fear and guilt. Anakin tries to smile at him and Rex wants to tell him it’s okay, but he feels too tense and Anakin is clearly still  _ angry _ .

This still all has to work out. It  _ has _ to. Rex finds himself suddenly uncertain of everything, aware that whichever way he turns, one misstep means  _ loss _ .

~~~

For the first time Ahsoka can recall, the Temple feels more like a battlefield than _ home.  _ She walks through the hallways with Anakin and Obi-Wan at her back and tries not to flinch at every unexpected noise. 

The Force feels strange, thick and choking, almost like it's trapping her inside it; she doesn't think anyone else feels it, so maybe she's just imagining things. 

Hopefully. 

She clings tightly to her bond with Rex, at the same time trying to hide it beneath layers of shields so that the Council doesn't see, doesn't _ know.  _ If they find out, they'll want her to break it, and she _ can't.  _ She's grown too used to feeling Rex--a part of her is scared of being alone again. 

Ahsoka can't help but hang back, just outside the entrance to the Council chambers. She's _ afraid _ (even if she can barely admit that even to herself) and she _ wants Rex _ and some animal instinct inside her hisses that _ this is a trap _ and she can't shake it. Anakin puts a steadying hand on her shoulder, projects love and trust and strength.  _ We'll save him, Snips. I promise.  _

But she can't quite believe him. 

The door swings open and she's met with disapproving gazes from most of the Council. Master Windu himself is scowling down at a handheld holoprojector, deep in thought. “Padawan Tano, Knight Skywalker. Master Kenobi. The Council was just about to send for you. We've received some… rather worrying holos and would like to hear your thoughts.”

Not good, not good. There's no _ time.  _ “Forgive me, Masters, but this is urgent. I…” and she doesn't want to say it but she has to, “have struggled with being attached to Captain Rex. The GAR wants to punish _ him _ by sending him for reconditioning. I--”

“That is serious,” Mace allows, interrupting, “but this is by far more pressing. Why did you not inform your Master you used the Dark Side on Kadavo?”

Ahsoka freezes, eyes going wide. How could they _ know?  _ She hasn't told _ anyone _ about what happened in the control room, besides Anakin and Rex, and she _ knows _ neither of them would ever tell. She can't help but reach instinctively for Rex, project sheer panic and  _ they know someone told them,  _ and she almost doesn't even notice how Mace _ frowns.  _

~~~

This is all much,  _ much _ more serious than Mace had thought. Ahsoka’s use of the Dark when he was with her had been unfortunate, but certainly manageable - cause for concern, but nothing unusual, really.

But what the Chancellor has found is something else entirely. That had been Ahsoka deadly, furious, vengeful, ready to kill.

_ “You made me abandon all those Jedi principles in your mine.” _

This is dangerous.

When he asks her about it, he expects a denial or an attempted explanation or an attempt to redirect the conversation to Captain Rex, anything other than a moment of silence. She looks at a loss, like she doesn't know what to do or say, and Mace feels her panic humming around her like a swarm of insects, electric and raw. When he focuses on her, on the ebb and flow of her emotions, he feels confusion, anxiety, and… and there's a thin, tough thread of the Force that doesn't quite  _ belong _ , and Mace latches onto it, feels the pull of it. It's a live-wire of emotion and thought, one end connected to Ahsoka, one connected - he follows it, feels her fear chasing along the thread - to the clone Captain, Rex.

It's a  _ bond _ , like the connection between Master and Padawan but different, stronger, wilder.

Ahsoka seems to gather herself and Mace leans back in his seat, focuses on her face. This is all looking deeply incriminating - the kiss with the Captain, her use of the Dark both on Cato Neimoidia and Kadavo, and now this bond.

“I didn't know how to tell him,” Ahsoka says, twisting her hands together. “I was scared, and it wasn't supposed to happen again. Captain Rex stopped me from doing anything and I-”

Mace holds up a hand to forestall her. “Padawan Tano,” he says, lets just enough Force influence into his voice to let her know how serious he is. “First you will tell us, please, why there is a mental link between yourself and the Captain.” It is inappropriate, at  _ best _ , for such a bond to exist. “Your attachment to him is beyond a simple ‘struggle,’ Padawan.”

~~~

Ahsoka does her best not to look at Anakin, or at Obi-Wan who's taken his seat; she reaches for Rex again.  _ Rex, they _ **_know._ **

_ Know what?  _ he asks. 

_ About the bond,  _ she says, and this is _ bad.  _ This is very bad. 

This could get her _ expelled,  _ and then who will protect Rex?

Master Windu is still watching her, and she chooses her words carefully. “In Kadavo,” she starts, halting, trying not to remember, “talking wasn't allowed--they punished us, or the other slaves, shocked us or whipped us. On the second day, I--he was just a boy, and he fell and I helped him up, and they electrocuted him. To death,” and she can't think about it, can't remember, can't watch his _ face _ as hope turned to horror, “and then they punished me and it _ hurt _ and I just--it was instinctive, Master, I didn't mean to form any bond.”

Which is all _ true,  _ but doesn't explain why, in the months since, she hasn't broken it. And she _ shouldn't _ say this, Anakin is sending her _ warning _ and he's the most reckless of everyone, but she can't stop herself. “I won't break it, Master Windu. It saved our lives in Kadavo, and it--kept me from Falling, and helped us heal.  _ The Force _ thinks it's right, so why don't you?”

She thinks, then, that maybe she's gone too far. 

~~~

Mace leans forward, narrowing his eyes.  _ Suffering leads to hate.  _ What had happened to her and Captain Rex on Kadavo was unacceptable - and if it has led her to Fall, then that is worse still. This cannot be  _ allowed, _ for the good of both of them. “You have formed a bond with a null, Padawan Tano, based on a forbidden attachment. That is not  _ right _ , and certainly not the will of the Force. This is not something you should fight us on. Now explain your use of the Dark Side, please. Briefly.” There will have to be severe disciplinary action for this.

“Not until you  _ listen to me _ about Rex,” Ahsoka says sharply, and Mace glances at Obi-Wan and Plo for help - Ahsoka will listen better to them. But Plo sighs, holds his hands out.

“Very well, Ahsoka.”

Mace frowns, but Plo was probably wise to take that approach.

“They want to recondition him,” Ahsoka says, and it's so clear she's desperate for them to listen and terrified that they won't. “It's policy but he hasn't done anything deserving of that.”

“That's true,” Obi-Wan says, calmly. “We would be remiss in allowing that to happen to him.”

“Most likely.” Mace nods, gives Ahsoka and Anakin a tight smile. “We will see what we can do about that, Padawan.”

She's painfully relieved, and Mace looks over at Yoda, pursing his lips. She is far, far too attached.

“Tell us, you will, why you called on the Dark Side,” Yoda says, solemnly.

~~~

Ahsoka takes a deep breath, wondering briefly how the _ hell _ she's supposed to explain it so that the Council can understand. The Council, who have never been slaves. 

The Council, who have never been _ broken.  _

“Anger, hatred, that was all I had _ left to call on,” _ she says, sharp and dangerous, because there was _ no other choice.  _ “Have you ever had to watch someone be electrocuted because _ you tried to help them?  _ There was no Light in that pit, and not a single one of you would've stayed true. You're welcome to try it if you want to! Except Agruss is _ dead,  _ so there's no one to force you to call them Master just to make the pain _ stop,  _ there's no one to whip the people you came to save because it _ hurts _ to swing a pickaxe with your hands full of shrapnel. There's no one to electrocute your trooper until he _ screams _ and blacks out because _ you tried to fight.” _ Ahsoka stands straight and tall, eyes flashing, durasteel in her spine, and she meets the eyes of every Councillor. “Agruss intended to use Rex and I to force Anakin to surrender, and he had already set the floor of the command building to drop the other slaves to their deaths. We were exhausted and injured and _ scared,  _ Master Yoda. You have _ no idea _ what it was like, so don't you _ dare _ punish me for surviving, because I did what I had to do.”

In the back of her mind, Anakin feels _ proud.  _ Rex is _ terrified,  _ because she's refusing to just accept the inevitable, but she's not going to let them cow her, let them take away the one good thing in her life. 

~~~

Obi-Wan can't help a thrill of pride and compassion, although this is all  _ wrong _ . He knows Anakin well enough that he can tell his Padawan had known most, if not all, of this already.

He meets Ahsoka’s eyes, inclines his head just slightly, as much support as he will offer - yet.

There is silence, and Obi knows none of them want to be the first to speak, not after that.

Master Tiin breaks the silence with a long sigh. “And yet you have used it again and have persisted in a dangerous attachment. The Dark is not just a power that you may use as a tool.”

“It isn't a dangerous attachment! He helped me  _ not _ kill Agruss. He helps me be balanced!”

“And yet I wonder, Padawan Tano, if you ever would have drawn on the Dark Side had you not been afraid for your Captain. It seems to be the linking factor between your… lapses.”

Obi frowns, clenches one of his hands into a loose fist. Saesee has never been a very compassionate man, and the war has made it worse. “Master Tiin, you have a point, but that's quite enough.”

Ahsoka is shaking, looks dismayed, and Obi sighs, shaking his head. “Ahsoka… You must understand why we are worried.”

~~~

Ahsoka wants to _ scream _ in frustration. They don't _ understand,  _ just like she'd expected, and even _ Master Kenobi _ is looking at her like she's some  _ di’kut _ youngling who's never seen a battle. Anakin can't intervene, lest the Council realize his bond with Padmé, and Master Kenobi seems be siding with the other Jedi.

She's _ alone.  _

“Well,” she snaps out, barely even recognizing her own voice, “it's not like _ the Jedi _ did anything to save me on Kadavo.  _ Meditation _ did nothing. My _ evil attachment _ gave me the strength to _ keep moving.  _ If Rex hadn't been there I would've simply collapsed and let them shock me until I _ died,  _ because there was no hope!”

“Padawan,” Master Windu starts, but she cuts him off. 

“You talk about _ attachment _ like it's the Darkest thing in the galaxy, but the Jedi Order is _ founded _ on love, Masters.” Anakin shouts a mental warning, but she ignores him, stares Master Windu down. “And  _ I love Rex.  _ I don't care what you say, I think that makes me the strongest Jedi in the room right now. Now, if you aren't going to help me, I'm leaving. My  _ cyare _ needs my help.”

And she turns and makes to leave the room. 

~~~

“Padawan.” Mace layers his voice with  _ influence _ , as heavy as he can, and Ahsoka stops, glares at him, eyes fierce. “They won't take the Captain yet.” Perhaps not at all. But the Captain’s testimony will be needed, because Mace thinks things are serious enough they must consider whether Ahsoka may have a place in this order.

“And why wouldn't they?” she snaps, and Mace stands, taking a step towards her.

“Because the Council won't allow it.”

“Why not? Wouldn't that solve all your problems with my attachments, if he forgot about me?”

In truth, it would - but such drastic measures will hardly be necessary. At least, Mace hopes. “We will expect you to break the bond,” he says heavily. Ahsoka shakes her head before he's even finished. “And we will be holding a hearing to determine whether or not you may remain a part of the Order.” They can't risk her Falling, not with all the other forces they're trying to watch. If she's this unrepentant, he has to worry that perhaps her use of the Dark is not an accident or a mistake of judgement but something deeper. He hopes it's not.

“I'm not breaking the bond,” she says fiercely, and Mace looks down.

“Padawan Tano… Try to understand the gravity of your situation. Please.”

He knows she isn't going to listen.

~~~

Ahsoka takes a deep breath, closes her eyes. “I understand perfectly,” she says, and she tries not to sound bitter.

She doesn't want to do this, she _ doesn't,  _ but Umbara and Kadavo and even Cato Neimoidia have taught her a few things about priorities, about what's truly _ important _ in life. About the things that _ matter,  _ and the things that don't--such as titles, like General and Jedi Master, because one of those can be a Seppie anyway. The titles don't define the person, the _ person _ defines the title. 

And she doesn't need to be a Commander to protect her men. 

“I understand that there are some things more important than the word _ Knight.” _

Anakin is _ horrified.  _ She's not sure the others have caught on yet. Well, they will soon. 

She reaches up, wraps her fingers around the beads representing her padawan braid, and _ pulls.  _ “I'm sorry, Skyguy. You've been the best Master I could've had, and I promise I'm not leaving you _ or _ the 501st,” and she steps forward, places the braid in the hand he extends almost numbly.

“Snips,  _ please,” _ he chokes out. 

She smiles, sad and sweet.  _ I'm not leaving you to fight alone, Skyguy, you'll get killed without me.  _ “It's not your fault, Master.”

She turns back to the Council and bows. “Thank you for your _ hospitality.” _

“Your lightsabers,” Master Tiin tries, and she shakes her head. 

“These sabers are mine. I found the crystals, I made them, and they  _ do not belong to you. _ Neither does the Force. Maybe someday you'll be able to see that.”

And she turns and walks out, never looking back. 

~~~

Rex can’t  _ believe _ it. He pulls a little away from their bond, sags in his seat, rubbing his hand over his face. Little gods. Oh kriff.

They know about the Darkness and him and  _ all of it _ . They think his Jedi has betrayed them, that she’s dangerous and he’s dangerous. And she’s just…  _ left _ it all, what she’s been working towards ever since he’s known her.

_ Soka, what were you thinking? _ He presses love warm against her thoughts, tries to calm the anger.  _ You just- Why did you do that? _

_ It wasn’t worth it, _ she answers, fierce.  _ Why would I want to be a Jedi if it’s just… if that’s what I’d be left with? _ He can feel her pain at that, her disappointment and bitterness. She’d  _ wanted _ to be a Jedi, for a long time, but they’ve let her down once to often. Rex is sick of it, and he has to admit part of him is glad she’s left them, whatever implications that may have.

_ Kriff them _ , he thinks, and there’s a thin wisp of amusement in response. He’s glad she said she’d stay with them, glad he doesn’t have to worry about her leaving them. He needs her, and his General does too.

“Captain, what’s happening?” Tup pushes a cup of caf between his hands. “What’s wrong?”

He pulls his thoughts into order, sighs. “A lot, Tup. The Commander just decided she’s not going to be a Jedi.”

“She  _ what? _ ”

Rex finds himself smiling a little despite himself. “She quit. She told them they were stupid, more or less.”

“No kriffing way,” Fives breathes.

Rex feels Ahsoka’s thoughts lighten, drift towards laughter and amusement, although this is  _ serious _ and all tangled up.

“They  _ are _ stupid,” Jesse says, and Rex laughs a little, lifts his cup of caf and takes a sip. “Why exactly did she tell them they were stupid, anyway?”

Rex sighs, shakes his head. “They found out about… about her and me. Said all the things you would expect.” And he’s angry about it, how to them Ahsoka’s love for him is just a dangerous obstacle, something to be analyzed and feared. The GAR wants to take her away from him and the Council wants her to break their bond - well, let them try. After everything, he's not letting anyone steal this from him.

~~~

Ahsoka walks away, and she doesn't stop. 

Anakin is screaming bloody desperation in the back of her mind; she soothes him out of habit, reminds him she's not leaving him, just the Jedi. It doesn't seem to completely help, but at least he's a _ little _ calmer? 

Rex is fire and anger in her head, and she can't help but smile a little. His thoughts echo her own: just _ let them try.  _ She will _ fight _ to keep him. 

But she's _ hurt _ by the fact that this is necessary, she won't deny that. 

_ Snips,  _ Anakin says, subdued,  _ the Council wants to talk to Rex about the reconditioning.  _

_ I'll send him over, _ she agrees. And she will, just not until after she's had a chance to spend time with him. 

The barracks where the 501st stay when onworld aren't far from the Temple, and it doesn't take her long to find Rex sitting at a table with a cup of caf in his hands. She pushes between him and Fives, sitting down and leaning her head against his shoulder.  _ Hey, Rexter. _

~~~

“Hey.” Rex puts an arm around her and meets her lovely blue eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, smiling a little. She doesn't look so okay, but he lets it go.

“So is it true you quit, Commander?” Fives asks, looking worried. “Are you leaving?”

“Well, I  _ kind of _ quit,” Ahsoka says. “But I'm not going anywhere.”

“Oh okay, then who cares,” Fives snorts, and slides his cup of caf over to her. “What about the General, is he okay?”

“Mostly,” Ahsoka says, and Rex senses that that’s a bit of a lie, but there's no use worrying the men unless it's more serious. He tightens his arm around her and sighs, curling his hand into a fist against the tabletop.

“It's not right, sir,” he says, and Ahsoka glances at him like she's confused - but he's angry and she's their  _ Commander _ and just now it feels appropriate to call her ‘sir.’ “You spent your whole life doing what they told you and the one time you don't, they want to kick you out.” He wonders if that shouldn't surprise him so much, but he'd thought the Council was supposed to be wise.

~~~

She shrugs. “That's making it a bit simple,” she says quietly. “Having attachments, romantic relationships, that's against the Code. And I _ used the Dark Side,  _ Rex. Not just a little bit. On Kadavo I almost _ Fell.  _ So…”

Ahsoka doesn't want to say she _ understands,  _ but she does. 

“What do you mean, you used the Dark Side?” Tup asks, and she winces. 

Oops. 

“Kadavo,” she says, and sees understanding cross Fives’ face, “was bad, Tup.”

That's an understatement. 

“Oh,” he says, and she can tell that doesn't really answer his question, but he doesn't press. 

“Well, the Jedi _ are _ pretty stupid,” Jesse says. “Except the General. And maybe Kenobi.”

“So I'm no longer stupid is what you're saying?” she asks archly, doing her level best to keep a straight face. 

Jesse sputters, and Fives laughs. “We should've made a bet about this!”

~~~

Kix meanders over, crossing his arms. “I hope that's what this means,” he grumbles. “Now that you're not a Jedi, please tell me that means you can stop being one of my three most insufferable patients.”

Ahsoka shrugs sheepishly. “I'm not insufferable, Kix.”

“No, no, you are, and I want you to stop,” Kix says, sitting down on the edge of the table, fixing her with a baleful look. “No more of this Jedi self-sacrificing shit.”

“I don't think she's going to stop that,” Rex says, laughing, elbowing Ahsoka, and she thinks  _ traitor _ at him, scowling.

“I'm asking anyway,” Kix sighs.

_ Anakin says the Council wants to talk to you _ , Ahsoka tells him.

_ Well, that's convenient. I want to talk to them too. _

“I can try, Kix,” Ahsoka says, and Kix points at her, narrows his eyes.

“I'm holding you to that.”

Rex pushes away his cup of caf and stands to go. “Ahsoka.” She looks up and he bends down, kisses her fierce and strong and a little  _ possessive _ because he's not losing her, not letting anyone hurt her. Fives makes an annoyed noise, but Rex doesn't  _ care. _ He rests a hand against her jaw and breaks the kiss, rests his forehead against hers. “Ner’jetii.”

“Would you two  _ stop? _ ” Tup groans. “No one wants to see all that. We get it, Rex, she's your girl. Shut up about it.”

Rex laughs, lightly kisses Ahsoka again. “I'm going to have a chat with the Council myself,” he says, and Fives suddenly grabs his arm.

“Rex, don't be stupid,” he says.

“I know.”

~~~

It takes everything Ahsoka has in her to _ let go,  _ to let Rex walk away. Something doesn't settle right in her gut, doesn't want to let him leave.  _ K’oyacyi, cyare. _

He smiles, promises,  _ I'll be fine. It's just the Temple.  _

He walks away after one last light kiss to the tip of her left montral.

“I'm glad you're staying, Commander,” Tup says, and he looks oddly almost _ shy _ about that fact. 

“Technically, I'm not a Commander anymore,” Ahsoka says, tries to shove down the fear that says _ hold on tight, don't let Rex go,  _ because she may not be a Jedi now but she _ won't _ Fall. And fear leads to the Dark. 

Jesse snorts, rolls his eyes. “It's a habit now, sir. And frankly, who the kriff cares about _ technically?” _

“Dogma does,” Fives says.

“Dogma doesn't _ count.” _

“Tell that to him,” and Tup laughs.

_ “Anyway,  _ the point is,” Jesse continues emphatically, glaring, “you're our Commander whether you're a Jedi or not.”

“Besides, you're basically still a Jedi anyway,” Fives points out. “You've still got your lightsabers and the Force.”

“True,” she says, remembering  _ they don't belong to you, and neither does the Force.  _ So she doesn't have a title, now, or a standing on the Republic. She has her sabers, and the Force, and Rex, and her men, and her Master.

What more does she need? 

~~~

Captain Rex walks into the Council chambers with a confidence born of anger and bitterness and a little bit of fear. They're waiting for him, Anakin standing in front of them in a state of fevered, oscillating worry. Obi-Wan looks deeply frustrated and tired. Rex settles into a wide stance in front of them and crosses his arms, lifting his chin.

“You wanted to see me?”

Master Yoda taps his stick against the floor, smiling a little. “Some questions to ask you, we have, Captain.”

Rex nods shortly. He shouldn't antagonize them, but he feels a little invincible - he finds anger does that.

General Windu leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and steeples his fingers underneath his chin. “Captain Rex, Captain Tarkin and Padawan Tano have informed us that per GAR regulations, you are to be taken back to Kamino and reconditioned.” Windu pauses, and Rex fights down a spike of fear. “We will do the best we can to prevent that. Your relationship with Padawan Tano is highly inappropriate, but you have hardly earned reconditioning. That being said, we hope you will give us some insight into Padawan Tano’s recent actions.”

Rex lets out a slow, quiet sigh, some of the anxiety in his stomach subsiding. Obi-Wan and Anakin smile a little at him.

“You killed the slavemaster on Kadavo, when she was threatening him,” one of the Jedi says, a wide-faced Iktotchi male with sharp eyes. “Why?”

Rex shifts a little, trying to decide how honest to be. “Because I knew she shouldn't kill him,” he says, firmly. “But he needed to die. So I killed him.”

“Would she have killed him?” General Plo says, and he sounds almost anxious. “It appears as though she was going to.”

Ahsoka has left the Order - why shouldn't they know? Rex meets Plo’s eyes. “Yeah, she would've. And I couldn't let her. She wouldn't have forgiven herself for it.”

“So even you would say she was going too far, Captain?” Mace asks, and Rex is irritated but he nods.

“Yeah. So I stopped her. And she was fine after that.”

He doesn't mention the fear that lingered and their encounter with the Son. If the Council doesn't know about that, he'll make sure they never do.

“Captain, in your opinion, would Ahsoka ever turn to the Dark Side?”

Rex thinks the question is more to gauge his answer, how he answers, than to actually take his opinion into consideration. They know what he'll say already. So he sneers, just a little, and shakes his head. “What do you really think, Windu? Would she? You've all known her since she was a youngling. She's not a Sith or a  _ dar’jetii _ and she isn't dangerous. She wouldn't turn, not even with all the encouragement you're giving her. Try asking me a smart question, sir, if you want a real answer.”

~~~

Anakin is simultaneously proud and _ terrified.  _

He can't help but worry that Snips isn't coming back, isn't _ staying,  _ despite the promise she'd made him; a little voice in the back of his mind whispers that he wasn't good enough for her, that she's _ leaving,  _ she's abandoning him like all the Jedi. (That voice scares him: not because of what it says, but because of what it wants, what it _ promises. You will never lose those you love,  _ it says, patient as a loth-cat,  _ you will have the power to save them,  _ insidious and whisper-quiet and unforgettable as the double sunsets of Tatooine. It cajoles him always, steady as the tide, and it always,  _ always _ knows his weakest points.) And what Rex is doing--pushing the Council--is _ dangerous.  _

But he's proud of his Captain, too, for speaking his mind, for being uncowed by the collective Presence of the Council. 

Mace Windu is decidedly  _ not _ proud. At least, not of _ Rex,  _ anyway. “Captain, take care to remember who you are addressing,” he says sternly. Anakin looks away to hide an eye roll. As if that's going to matter to _ Rex.  _ “This is not about my opinion of Padawan Tano--”

“It's not?” Rex asks, and he's _ angry.  _ “That's funny,  _ sir,  _ because it seems like this entire kriffing mess revolves around _ your opinion.” _ (Anakin tries not to cheer. It'd be vastly inappropriate.) “Also, I was under the impression that _ Ahsoka _ has left the Order and isn't a padawan anymore.”

Mace Windu, for the first time in possibly all of history, is speechless. And Anakin has never been one to care about _ appropriate.  _

He applauds. 

~~~

Rex has to fight back a laugh when Anakin starts clapping; this is, after all, still very serious - but his General is grinning, looks a lot less worried, and Rex lets himself  _ smirk _ . He can feel Ahsoka at the back of his mind and he wants to laugh even more because she feels a little shocked.

He should feel like he’s on dangerous ground but he doesn’t - he just feels strong, sure of himself.

“The concern here, Captain,” Windu says, icily, shooting a piercing glare at Anakin, “is that if she’s left the Order, it may be because she wishes to seek out new instruction. If she is disillusioned with our teachings, it’s possible that she may turn to the Dark for answers. Tell me you understand the danger here. The Dark Side isn’t a quaint idea, it’s a serious threat.”

And Rex of all people  _ knows _ that, knows that the Dark is terrifying and cold, but the Jedi seem so afraid of it that they see a threat where there is none. He knows his Soka, knows what’s important to her, what she believes. And she has never wanted that icy kind of Dark and never will.

“I understand why  _ you think _ this is dangerous,” he says, makes himself not be as sharp as he wants to be. “But she’s not going to find a new Master or go to Dooku or try to undermine your Council. You don’t have all the answers, sir, so she’s going to look for them herself. She’s not so weak she’ll listen to just anyone.”

“That is  _ not _ why we’re concerned,” Mace says, and Rex is getting sick of this.

“Alright, then what do you  _ want _ me to say,” he snaps. “What’s the point of this, if you aren’t going to  _ listen? _ Clearly you all know what you think about all this.”

“So you believe she would  _ not _ turn to the Dark Side,” Obi-Wan says, and there’s something in his voice that tells Rex to just answer that simply.

“Yes, General.”

“Thank you.” Obi-Wan looks at Windu, folding his hands on his lap. “Mace, this bond that they have - if Ahsoka were in danger of turning, I believe the Captain would have some idea of it.”

“She could be shielding something, Obi,” Windu says, shortly, sighing. “I’m simply-”

“She is a Padawan, albeit a strong one.” Obi-Wan sounds just barely impatient, annoyed. “Despite our concerns, all of her experiences, and those of Captain Rex, would say she’s the last person we need to worry about turning. If she’s left the Order, it’s  _ barely possible _ we should consider ourselves before we start leveling accusations at her.”

Master Yoda suddenly  _ laughs _ , tapping his stick against the floor rather  _ gleefully _ . “Calm yourself, you must, Master Windu. Unbalanced, you must not be.” The little Master points at Rex, narrowing his eyes. “Thank you. Help us, this will.”

Rex bows his head, quickly. “Fine, sir.”

“Just one other thing, Captain, if I may,” and if anyone other than General Plo had been asking, Rex probably would have refused to stay. As it is, he nods, because he knows General Plo has always cared about Ahsoka and about his battalion of troopers. “This bond the two of you share- You are alright with it? Are you aware how intimate it is?”

“Yes, General,” Rex says, firmly. He feels a hum of gratitude and love from Ahsoka.

He knows what that says about how close he and Ahsoka are, and it's suddenly an effort to stand in front of them without flinching.

“Very well then,” General Plo says with a sigh. “I believe that will be all, Captain.”

…

Rex elects to walk back to the barracks rather than taking a speeder - he thinks he needs to clear his head. He's still  _ angry _ but what he'd done is finally setting in, the audacity of speaking to the Council like that. He doesn't think they'll let him be reconditioned, still, but he is worried about reassignment or demotion. And he's aware he's broken a number of the GAR rules today alone.

The barracks are one of Coruscant’s middle levels, and the paths through those levels are clogged with civilian traffic today - these people automatically get out of his way, though, clear him a small path as he walks. He's used to that by now; it's the fact he's a soldier, wearing armor and carrying blasters. It's convenient for him so he doesn't let it bother him.

GAR regulations or no, everything seems like it may be okay. As long as the Council doesn't decide Ahsoka is dangerous, as long as they actually defend him still, maybe this is good. He can have Ahsoka, no more hiding.

He just hopes it isn’t too hard for her, this change, leaving the Jedi behind. At least she’ll have Anakin still, but now she’s an independent agent with all the skills and principles of a Jedi. Rex doesn’t know where that means she fits, although he hopes it’s enough for her to stay with the 501st.

He turns down a slightly less crowded pathway between a few buildings, mostly domestic shops and cheap hotels, briefly considers stopping to get something to eat. But he wants to get back to his men and to Ahsoka - she may need him, and part of him wants to make  _ sure _ nothing can happen to her. He’s still a little afraid the Council will decide she’s a threat.

A small squad of clones with the Republic emblem on their pauldrons is walking towards him, and he presses to the edge of the road to get out of their way; they look like they have places to be. Rather than moving on past him, however, they walk up to him and stop, and Rex frowns. Has something happened?

“Captain Rex of the 501st,” one of them says, and Rex nods.

“What do you want, troopers?” he asks.

“Captain, you’re required back on Kamino, per an order from Captain Tarkin and GAR regulations. We’ve come to escort you to your transport.”

Rex shifts and every trooper in the squad drops a hand to their blasters. This isn’t right, the Council was supposed to fix this. “I think there’s been a mistake,” he says evenly, and he sends a thought to Ahsoka, tries not to be panicked. “I was under the impression that new orders were forthcoming.”

“Those are our current orders, sir, from the Chancellor himself,” the trooper says, and Rex has to struggle to keep his breathing steady. “You need to come with us.”

Ahsoka is pressing worriedly against his mind, and he can feel she’s scared, wondering if she should bring the men, and he forestalls her for a moment. He wants her to come but it’s fine, it has to be fine. “I don’t believe that will be necessary, trooper.”

The troopers all draw their blasters, and Rex steps back once, involuntarily. “Now, sir,” and Rex could swear their leader sounds apologetic.

He’s not going back to Kamino. He’s not. Not after all this.  _ Ahsoka _ , he thinks, sharply.  _ I need help. _ Then he dives forward under the squad leader’s blaster and tackles him, driving him to the ground and going for one of his own blasters. He gets it free of its holster, struggles to set it to stun while he still has  _ time _ .

But he’s surrounded, and what little confusion he’s caused is over before he can really take advantage of it (it was a desperate attempt anyway), so he only manages to stun a few troopers before one of their blasts hits him in his chest, knocks the breath out of his lungs and cuts off his awareness far too quickly.

_ Ahsoka, please! _

~~~

Ahsoka is in the middle of recounting how Rex had basically told the Council to go kriff themselves when a sharp thrill of fear and a worried,  _ I'm surrounded by troopers and they're saying I have to go back to Kamino, Chancellor’s orders, _ slips through the bond. 

She goes still, swearing rapidly under her breath.  _ Do you need help?  _

There's a vague feeling of _ not yet,  _ and though it's physically _ painful,  _ she sits and waits, all her attention focused on the bond, on the confrontation.  _ Orders from the Chancellor himself.  _ That can't be good. 

None of this is  _ right.  _

And then the troopers draw their blasters, and Rex sends,  _ Ahsoka, I need help.  _ She's already on her feet before the thought even registers. 

“Commander, what's wrong?” Tup asks. 

She doesn't bother to explain. “Fives, Jesse, Tup, Dogma,” and she hesitates, twisting her lips into a grimace before adding, “either Kix or Tuck, with me _ now--” _

_ Ahsoka,  _ **_please!_ **

And then there's just _ nothing.  _ Rex is _ gone,  _ just _ silent,  _ his mind quieter than she's ever felt it, even in sleep. “Commander!” That's Fives, and she jerks out of her head, hissing out a few more swears for good measure. 

_ Rex? Rex!  _ There's no answer. “Stunned,” she says shortly, and then she registers the looks of confusion on her men's faces. “They've taken Rex to Kamino on the Chancellor’s orders. We're getting him back.”

“Where's General Skywalker?” Dogma asks, shifting his weight and twisting his hands together nervously. 

“Busy with the Council,” she tells him, and then, “This is _ not _ the time for legalism, Dogma! They've taken Rex and I'm _ getting him back.  _ Are you with me?”

There's a long silence--well, more like a couple of seconds, but to Ahsoka it feels like an eternity. And then Dogma nods, says, “Yes, sir!” and snaps out a salute. 

Fives cheers. 

“Alright, let's go,” she says, taking a deep breath. “Buckets on, get to a transport! Something fast with a hyperdrive. Do we have anything here or do we need to get to the  _ Resolute?” _

“There's one here, Commander,” Jesse says. “I'll show you.”

Rex is going to be okay. They'll get to him in time. They _ will.  _

She tells herself that over and over again, as she commandeers the ship and gets it into hyperspace, and hopes it will be true. 

~~~

Rex wakes up barefoot, in his blacks, in a cell that doesn’t even have a bed or a meal drop. His head hurts like hell and he sits up off the floor, finds his shoulders ache and the nearly-healed wound in his side throbs. He knows, from the pale light and the design of the cell and the hallway he can see through the door, that he’s on Kamino.

_ Little gods, _ they’ve brought him back. He scrambles automatically to his feet, slams the heel of his hand against the door of the cell. The troopers out in the corridor jump, turn to look at him, then slowly turn away. He hits the door again.

“Kriffing  _ let me out _ ,” he snarls, but they don’t respond. Kriffing shinies, can’t just  _ listen _ .

_ Ahsoka? _

**_Rex!_ ** Her relief and terror hits  _ hard _ and he winces a little.  _ We’re coming Rex, it’s going to be fine. I’ll fix this, I promise, just hang on _ .

He wants to shield the panic building in the back of his mind but he doesn’t, just reaches for her and latches on. He wants to get  _ out _ , but he doesn’t have  _ anything _ and the guards are ignoring him.

_ Kriff. _ He  _ can’t do this, _ won’t  _ let them _ do this. Ahsoka has to get here. He needs her, needs to  _ get out _ .

_ Rex, we’re coming, I promise. _

But how soon can they get to him? And what if they can’t, and what if he loses all of it? He clenches his hands into fists, considers hitting the door again except there’s no point to that.  _ Soka- _ he thinks, and he can hear his heart in his ears and his stomach is in knots and he’s going to be sick and he can’t, won’t do this and he wants to be  _ anywhere _ but here, little gods, please, because he is  _ not going to lose them _ but what if he does, what if it’s all gone and he has to start again and Ahsoka’s alone and he can’t protect his men and  _ he’s _ alone-  _ I’m scared, please, Soka _ .

Distantly he knows he needs to breathe so he backs up, slides to the floor with his back against the wall, and grits his teeth, feels Ahsoka projecting gentle calm at him and counting. He holds onto that, forces himself to  _ focus _ .

_ I’m sorry _ , he thinks, after a few minutes. The guards keep pacing outside the row of cells and Rex still feels sick but now he can think.  _ I just… If we can’t- _

**_Shut up_ ** **.**

He shuts up.

_ I’m coming and bringing some of the men, and I’m going to get there. And you’ll be fine _ .

He doesn’t think  _ what if I’m not _ . The question is hot and dangerous in the corner of his mind but for now he’s going to plan and wait for Ahsoka and the second anyone comes to that door to take him he’s going to get himself  _ out _ , find a way to get away.

He refuses to let them take anything from him. He knows what he will fight for: his men, his Jedi. They can’t steal that; his memories and life aren’t theirs to have. He wraps his arms around his knees and slips into Ahsoka’s mind, rests in her thoughts (even though they’re full of rage and fear and desperation) because he can’t be alone.

~~~

“He’s awake,” Ahsoka says, pausing her ‘saber forms to inform the men watching her. She wants to sink immediately back into the moving meditation Anakin had taught her, back when she’d first become his Padawan, but there’s  _ fear _ on her men’s faces and she has to reassure them. “Alright for now, but he’s scared.”

“I don’t kriffing blame him,” Fives snarls out, shaky, more fear than anger in his voice. “This isn’t good, Commander.”

“How far out are we?” asks Jesse.

She shrugs a little, says, “Check the navicomputer, should be less than an hour--”

_ Ahsoka karking Tano, what the kriffing  _ **_hell?_ **

“Is that Rex?” It’s Tup.

Ahsoka shakes her head, wincing at the mental shout. “No, it’s, uh, Anakin.”  _ Hey, Skyguy. Problem? _

_ You  _ **_stole a ship._ ** _ Also both my medics.  _ Anakin is frustrated and  _ worried, _ she can feel it.  _ What the kriff  _ **_happened?_ **

She tilts her head to one side, considering.  _ Well, the Chancellor ordered some troopers to grab Rex. He resisted and they stunned him, so I’m getting him back. You can’t stop me, Master. _

There’s a pause, and then:  _ I know, Snips. The  _ Resolute _ is on her way with backup, but we’ll be late to the party. The Council isn’t very happy. _

_ Kriff the Council, _ Ahsoka snaps back, gritting her teeth against the wave of anger that pulses hot and dark and dangerous through her, and she starts her forms again.  _ I’ll get him back, Anakin. I promise. _

Rex is still panicky in the back of her mind, and she wraps him in as much soothing warmth and love as she can, presses close against his thoughts and cherishes the feel of them. She won’t let this be the last time she feels him. She  _ won’t. _

And if she has to Fall to save him, then so be it.

~~~

It’s not nearly long enough after he wakes up that the guards come to his door with an officer, four troopers total. He can handle four, can’t he? They’re in their armor and he’s only in his blacks but he must be able to do  _ something _ . He stands, curls his hands into fists. He can take one at a time if he fights them at the door, break through and run for it. Steal a blaster, maybe - the weapons will be set to stun, because the prisoners here aren’t by any means desperate criminals.

He steps up to the door as the officer does, eyes the blaster the other trooper holds at the ready. It is, in fact, set to stun. He looks up, looks at the eyeslits of the officer’s helmet. “You should let me go,” he says. He’s going to get out of here and he’s going to find Soka and he will do what he has to.

_ (He cannot let himself think about the terror hidden under the need to fight, cannot consider what will happen if he can’t get out.) _

The officer opens the door and Rex strikes, fast, fierce, deadly - and the officer had thought he was ready but Rex just follows his reflexive leap back, grabs him by the front of his armor and yanks him into the doorframe, jerking his blaster out of his hand and shooting two of the guards behind him without pausing. The officer tries to twist free and Rex shoots him, drops him on the floor and backs into the cell again so there’s a wall between him and the last guard. He reaches through the door, shoots that trooper, and then he  _ runs _ .

Out of the cell, over the stunned guards, down the hall, and there are more guards coming and he’s alone and has no armor and he has no chance, not really, but pushes himself to run faster, to shoot behind him and weave back and forth so his pursuers can’t shoot him as easily, if they try.

But he doesn’t know his way around and he doesn’t know where he’s going, so it’s no great surprise when he finds himself caught at an intersection of two hallways and guards are coming at him from three sides. They have their blasters out but they seem hesitant to shoot; he’s not sure why.

So he stands with his back to the wall shooting with one blaster on stun, and there are few enough guards that maybe, maybe this will work but they’re not stupid, they keep coming, and his heart is pounding out of control and he can’t shoot fast enough and even if he does this, he doesn’t know where to go.  _ Ahsoka, please hurry _ , he thinks, and he sense she’s hesitant to break his concentration but there’s a soft  _ I’m coming _ .

He just can’t keep them away long enough and he can’t shoot all of them - eventually someone risks it, just charges him, and that’s a mistake because he shoots them but two more troopers rush him from behind, someone grabs his blaster arm, and he can’t really shoot but he drives his elbow into a helmet (and it hurts him more than it hurts them), yanks hard enough on the trooper holding his arm that he unbalances them and he can twist partly free and shoot a few more guards.

“Stand  _ down _ , trooper,” and Rex  _ snarls _ , spins around. He’s surrounded and he’s without his armor and he can’t win but he’s not giving up. He lifts his blaster again and two guards grab his arms, someone else grabs his wrist and yanks his trigger finger back so he can’t shoot. He hisses, has to drop the blaster, and that was his  _ one _ chance and panic washes over him so fast he freezes (not all the fear is his). The guards manhandle his arms behind his back and restrain him and he tries to ram his shoulder into one of them, but they don’t give him enough space and he can’t get enough purchase.

None of them say anything, they just start picking up the stunned troopers, and the two men at Rex’s elbows push him into a walk (he tries to plant his feet but he can’t resist both of them). It’s too quiet, suddenly, and there’s a ringing in his ears and he’s dizzy and shaking and he’s… he doesn’t… He tries again to pull free, twisting as best he can, but the troopers just force him to face forward.

_ Soka _ , he thinks, and he’s starting to feel lost, alone, and she presses against his mind but he’s trembling and they won’t let go of him and he can’t do this. “You have to let me go,” he says, and it’s been so long since his rank and experience haven’t served him but these guards aren’t  _ listening _ .

~~~

Ahsoka  _ swears, _ slams her fist into the wall beside the ship’s controls. “Kriff!”  _ Rex! We’re almost there, Rexter, just hold on, _ but he’s panicked and retreating and he feels so  _ lost _ and she  _ needs to be there _ and--

“Commander,” Kix says quietly, “I need you to breathe.” He doesn’t touch her, doesn’t get too close, just breathes in and out in a steady rhythm she forces herself to match, even though it feels  _ impossible _ and her chest is tight and she can’t seem to get enough air. “You can’t help Rex if you’re hyperventilating.”

He’s right. She closes her eyes, reaches for the calm of the Force with practiced ease, and it takes her  _ too long _ to fall into the light meditation but she manages. “Thanks, Kix,” she says finally, breathes in and out, unclenches her hands, deliberately settles them around the ship’s controls. They’re nearly to the end of this hyperlane, and she has to be  _ ready, _ has to  _ focus. _ She’s no use to Rex distracted and scared. (Fear is a kind of strength, if she just  _ uses _ it.) There’s too much terror in her veins, her own mixed with Rex’s  _ panic _ and so she wraps herself in her anger, because anger is better than fear, and she lets rage warm her--but not the deadly, dangerous Darkness she’d used before, on accident, on Kadavo. No, this is sharp and bright and cold, like ice, like kyber crystals, the way a lightsaber carves through solid rock and metal and bone. 

This is the Light, in its most warlike form.

_ I’m coming for you, Rex. I promise. _

“Let the others know we’re coming out of hyperspace,” she orders Kix, crisp and cold and  _ ready. _ “As soon as we touch down, we  _ move.” _

“Yes, sir,” Kix says, snaps out a salute. “We’ll follow your lead, Commander.”

She flips the lever, brings the ship out of hyperspace, engaging the sublight engines; Kamino looms in the viewscreen, and she calculates the trajectory on the fly, relying half on the Force to bring the ship down safely through the stormy atmosphere. The bond tugs her to the right city, and she finds a landing platform, sets the ship down  _ carefully. _ They’ll need a ride out of here, after all.

(She should’ve brought a pilot, someone to keep the engines running.)

Ahsoka jumps up from the seat, powers the ship down with a touch of the Force, sprints out into the main hold of the ship. “Let’s go!”

Her ‘sabers are in her hands and she ignites them the instant her boots touch the slick, cold durasteel platform; she stalks towards the doors, her men fanning out behind her, blasters raised. The Kaminoans aren’t expecting them. That’s the only advantage they have--that, and experience: each of her troopers are easily worth ten shinies. (Rex is worth at least twenty.)

Well, she supposes a vengeful no-longer-Jedi counts as an  _ advantage, _ too.

Her yellow ‘saber slashes through the control panel (she doesn’t care about property damage) and Ahsoka Tano storms inside with all the Force of a hurricane.

~~~

Ahsoka isn’t here. He can feel her anger like fire and it should be reassuring but it just makes it near impossible to think.

He’s still trying to struggle but the three troopers escorting him don’t pause for him, don’t give him leeway to fight, and when he tries to fight he bruises himself on their armor and he’s getting  _ frantic _ .

It’s not until they actually leave the cell block, though, that he really  _ can’t do it _ anymore. “Let me go,” he growls, tugging on his arms, icy fear rising into his throat.

They don’t  _ answer _ , they don’t  _ look at him _ , and he raises his voice, can’t help the thread of panic that creeps into it. “You know you can’t do this, troopers.” He’s panting quietly, hands opening and closing in fists, and he drags his feet as much as he can.

“The Chancellor has orders, and you broke GAR regulations,” one of his guards says gruffly. “This is what happens.”

“You aren’t a kriffing  _ clanker _ , you don’t have to-” Panic cuts him off, chokes him. “ _ Please _ .”

The guard lapses back into silence, just pushes him harder and Rex  _ can’t _ . No, he can’t do this, they can’t do this to him. Part of him is screaming, won’t stop, and he can’t  _ think _ . “You can’t, please,” he says, and his eyes are burning and breathing is hard and he won’t lose them, lose her, please. They’ll take everything he loves, everything he  _ is _ , and he can’t let them. He’s projecting vaguely, a plea for  _ help, please _ . “Please don’t,” he’s almost crying, “No. You have to  _ stop _ .” And panic lends him enough strength to try to pull away again, to slam his shoulder into one of the guards, and it  _ hurts _ and it doesn’t  _ do anything _ .  **_Soka!_ **

She doesn’t answer and he can’t hold back a sob, finds he’s heaving for breath, and this is all  _ wrong _ , this isn’t supposed to happen, it  _ can’t _ . Please, he doesn’t want to lose it, he doesn’t want to, and he  _ needs _ Soka. “ _ Gedet’ye, nayc. _ ” He can’t do this.

They bring him to a room with half a dozen monitors and machines and there are Kaminoan doctors standing there in front of an operating table and he tries again, uselessly, to struggle free from his guards. One of the doctors moves around behind him and Rex feels cold on his arm and then a prick; there’s a pause and then his muscles spasm and give out and he feels boneless, weak. “ _ Nayc _ .”

He can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

They lift him onto the table and strap him down and he can’t move anyway and his breaths scrape in his throat and there are sobs piling up in his chest and this is  _ really happening _ , they’re going to do this.

“His chip is functional,” one of the Kaminoans says, peering at one of the monitors. “We’re fine on that front.”

Rex feels Ahsoka grab onto their bond, suddenly, and piercing anger freezes through his panic, yanks him into some semblance of focus.  _ Rex, oh Force. I’m going to get there, I promise _ .

“Excellent.” One of the doctors walks over with a datapad, and Rex stares at her.

It’s hard to find the words in Basic, but he does, forces words past tears. “You  _ can’t _ .” An authoritative tone escapes him. Ahsoka’s anger helps him - he senses that she’s here, on Kamino, in the facility. “She won’t let you.”

The doctor taps a few buttons on her datapad, unconcerned. “Is the reintegration facility ready for him?” she asks, coolly.

“Yes, ma’am,” one of the others says, and colder than Ahsoka’s anger or his panic comes despair, freezing over his thoughts, bringing a terrible, sharp focus. This is happening.

_ Don’t you dare, _ and Ahsoka prods at him, fierce.

“Let’s get it done, then. I have other assignments today,” the doctor says.

Rex swallows down tears, still heaving just for a breath.  _ Soka, it’s okay _ , he thinks, and it isn’t, and he isn’t, and this is a  _ nightmare _ .

_ Stop. I’m  _ **_coming_ ** _ and you’re going to be fine. _

But he’s not. They’re here and she isn’t and he’s going to lose her.  _ I’m sorry, _ he thinks,  _ I love you, my Jedi. _ He can’t forget her, he doesn’t want to, he’ll hang onto this, at least. He has to.

_ You’re not leaving! _ She’s desperate and reaching for his mind and he can feel her and she’s so angry and scared and he wants her.

_ Cyare _ , he thinks, and it’s an old vow he remembers, then, and he’s shaking but if he’s going to lose her he has to say this, has to tell her  _ goodbye _ (and he can’t, he wants to believe she can get to him but he doesn’t think she can and she will  _ need this _ ).  _ Mhi solus tome, _ he thinks, and Ahsoka is panicking and he senses she wants him to shut up, knows he’s trying to say goodbye, but he keeps going because he will have this, will say this, will make this promise while he can.  _ Mhi solus dar’tome, bal mhi me’dinui an. Ret’urcye mhi, ner’jetii. _

He closes his eyes, swallows against horror, blocks out the world.  _ Please _ .

**_Rex!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  _ner'jetii:_ my Jedi
> 
>  _di'kut:_ idiot
> 
>  _cyare:_ beloved
> 
>  _k’oyacyi:_ hang in there/stay alive/come back safely
> 
>  _dar'jetii:_ "not-Jedi", Fallen Jedi
> 
>  _gedet'ye, nayc:_ please, no
> 
>  _Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, bal mhi me'dinui an:_ Mandalorian marriage vows, "We are one when together, we are one when parted, we share all."
> 
>  _ret'urcye mhi:_ : goodbye, lit. "maybe we'll meet again."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING OKAY THE MUSES FINALLY STARTED BEHAVING and well yeah this is the result. among other things. pay heed to the tags, specifically "it gets worse before it gets better".

Ahsoka makes it through the first hallway unchallenged, and then her luck runs out.

She sprints around a corner, ‘sabers out and blazing, and almost plows straight into a squad of young cadets; they’re accompanied by a clone in full armor, though not painted (no battalion then, either based on Kamino or a shiny), who takes one look at her and her men and swears. “Is something wrong, sir?”

“Move,” she growls out. “Boys, stun anyone who gets in the way.  _ Stun only.” _ They aren’t going to kill any of the  _ vod’e  _ today.

The Kaminoans, well… maybe. It depends on how much they behave.

Rex is  _ panicking _ in the back of her mind and she can’t seem to reach him, he’s projecting a desperate  _ help, please, ‘Soka _ at her but his fear is so thick and choking she can’t get anything through to him. She stops, spears the clone with her gaze, snarls out, “Where do they take the men for reconditioning?” Her voice doesn’t even  _ sound _ like her own.

“Level three, the medical level,” the clone starts, and then a Kaminoan steps into the hallway from one of the doors and he falls silent.

Ahsoka stalks forward, leaves the clone behind (he doesn’t  _ matter), _ gaze focused entirely on the Kaminoan in front of her.  _ “Where is he.” _

The woman looks from Ahsoka to her ‘sabers to her men and says, perfectly calm, “The Jedi have no authority in matters concerning GAR regulations.”

“I’m no  _ Jedi,” _ and she takes another step forward, her hands tightening around her ‘saber hilts. “I’ll ask you again. Where is he?”

The Kaminoan just… smiles, sort of, sending a shiver of foreboding down Ahsoka’s spine, and then she pulls something out of her belt and presses a button. The lights glare red and there’s some kind of alert ringing loud through the air and the woman says, “Good luck,” and she’s  _ gone. _

“Commander?” Fives asks.

Kriff, kriff,  _ kriff. _ She has to  _ think. _ She closes her eyes, breathes in deep and centers herself in the Force, finds the bond pulsing with life like a compass pointing always to Rex. “I can find him,” she says, opens her eyes, nods once. “I need  _ time, _ I just need time,” but they don’t  _ have time _ and every second she wastes is another second closer to  _ losing him _ and--

“Breathe,” Tuck reminds her (why are they both here, she’d only wanted one of them).

**_Soka!_ **

The scream is instinctive, terrified and pained and it nearly  _ breaks _ her.  _ Rex, _ but he’s still so  _ scared _ and she can’t   _ reach him, _ so she just runs through the winding white corridors (a squadron of clones shows up out of nowhere, firing blasters, and she deflects the shots back and she thinks a few of the bolts hit their mark and she can’t, she doesn’t want to kill them but she  _ has to get to Rex), _ following the bond and hoping, praying this works.

She skids around another corner, feels Rex’s panic spike at the realization that it’s  _ happening, _ and she  _ swears _ in Mando’a and  _ reaches _ for him, grabs tight to the bond and projects as hard as she can.  _ Rex, oh Force. I’m going to get there, I promise _ .

There’s no real answer, but she feels his panic fade a bit as he feels her anger, and he’s focusing more but she doesn’t think this is good, this isn’t better, something still feels  _ wrong, _ and she  _ snarls _ because she  _ can’t _ let this happen. Another corner, stairs--she just jumps the entire set, lands and takes off again, her men stun the next squadron of clones and she keeps  _ moving, _ because she cannot stop. Not for even a moment.

If she stops, she’ll be too late.

And then, and then, his panic and anger just… disappear.

In their place is  _ despair, _ cold and harsh and suffocating, and she  _ swears _ because this is  _ bad, _ this is really bad.  _ Don’t you dare, _ she sends fiercely, because he’s giving up and he  _ can’t. _ Her breath is coming in short gasps and her side hurts and she’s probably going to regret this later but she pulls on the Force to increase her speed. She’ll deal with the consequences later.

_ Soka, it’s okay, _ he tells her.

But it’s  _ not. _ It’s  _ not okay _ and why can’t she  _ find the kriffing room _ and she  _ can’t _ lose him, she can’t, not now, not after everything!  _ Stop, _ she  _ snarls _ out at him,  _ I’m  _ **_coming,_ ** _ you’re going to be fine, _ but he doesn’t believe her and he’s giving up and--

And  _ Force, _ she can’t  _ do this. _ She’s going to fail (another door flies open, but there’s nothing behind it, nothing, and she growls and moves on) him, she’s going to  _ lose him-- _

_ I’m sorry,  _ no, no, no,  _ I love you, my Jedi, _ and she  _ can’t _ listen to this.

_ You’re not leaving! _ He’s not. She  _ won’t let him. _ She, she--

_ Cyare, _ he says, and no no no this  _ can’t _ be happening, because he’s  _ saying goodbye. Mhi solus tome, _ and she projects a fierce  **_shut up!_ ** at him but he ignores it, keeps going (someone’s shaking her and she realizes she’s stopped moving, she’s curled over her knees and panting and  _ lost _ and she forces herself to straighten, grabs onto the bond as tightly as she can and  _ commands _ the Force to show her the way).  _ Mhi solus dar’tome, bal mhi me’dinui an. Ret’urcye mhi, ner’jetii. _

A part of her recognizes the words, knows their significance, and she thinks she’s crying because suddenly it’s hard to see. But the Force is  _ clear, _ suddenly, and she  _ screams _ for him because he  _ has to hang on.  _ **_Rex!_ **

There’s  _ nothing, _ no response, but she’s  _ found him, _ the Force directing her to a nearly invisible door in the white, white wall and she doesn’t bother with the lock, just  _ slams _ her ‘sabers into the metal and carves a hole, Force-pushing the excess metal into the room and into a Kaminoan doctor. 

Rex is sedated, she thinks, secured on an operating table in just his blacks, and there’s several Kaminoans clustered around him. They all look up when the door suddenly acquires a hole, and the surprise on their faces would be almost  _ comical _ if it weren’t for the sheer  _ terror _ flooding her veins.  _ “Get away from him!” _ and she raises her ‘sabers (her troopers follow her into the room, blasters up, no longer set to stun), flicks two fingers and  _ throws _ the doctor nearest Rex into a wall.

There’s a moment of silence, and then the Kaminoans slowly step back, hands raised in surrender. “Stun them,” Ahsoka orders, and the air momentarily fills with pulses of blue energy as her men fire. Fives has a couple pairs of binders on him, and he makes quick work of securing the Kaminoans--Ahsoka doesn’t extinguish her lightsabers until the last one is cuffed. Dogma and Tup take up a watch on the door, and Kix and Tuck are right by her side as she hurries to the table, undoes the straps with trembling hands.

_ Rex? Rex,  _ cyare,  _ please, please, please, _ and she’s crying, her shaking fingers ghosting over the bones in his face.  _ Please come back, I’m here, I promise. _

~~~

They inject him again with something else, something that makes his thoughts go indistinct and vague and he can't  _ think  _ and it makes everything worse, and he's cold and can't move and can't think and he wants to go home.

It's a struggle to hold a coherent thought beyond feelings, faint ideas, and so when the room  _ erupts _ into chaos all he can do is pull back into his mind, hide from it, some sleeping part of him _ hoping _ .

The chaos doesn't last and Rex is aware enough to recognize the doctors are gone and that's  _ good _ , he knows that. Then there are hands busy around him and a pressure releases off his chest and hips and arms, and it feels good except he still can't quite move.

_ Rex? Rex,  _ cyare,  _ please, please, please _ , _ please come back, I'm here, I promise.  _ It's her, it's his Soka and he still can't  _ think _ but he tries to reach back and form an answer anyway because she's here and safe, and he struggles to focus, open his eyes, because he wants to see her and know it's real.

Someone takes his wrist, presses on it for a moment, then someone else suddenly grabs his face and cracks one of his eyes open. “He's drugged up, Commander, but it'll wear off pretty fast. We should take him and go.”

She digs into his mind, starts chasing out the fog, and Rex hangs onto her, to returning awareness.

When it all comes crashing back, though, he's ashamed to find he bursts into tears, pent-up sobs dragged out of his chest, and he wants to curl in on himself but his muscles still won't cooperate.  _ Soka, oh little gods, Soka, you're here. _ She's so close and he can't believe it. Someone rolls him over onto his side and that helps with the crying.

He almost lost them. He almost lost  _ himself _ .

_ Soka, ner’jetii, ni kar'tayl gar darasuum. _ He's not sure why Basic is so hard but he forces his eyes open and Ahsoka’s hand is tracing gentle over his cheek and he's still crying but he can  _ focus _ . She looks soft and lovely and  _ dangerous _ and he manages something approximating a smile, which is harder when he's still shaking and sobbing.

“Oh Force, Rex,” she says, and he feels heady relief and she smiles at him, swipes his tears away with the pad of her thumb.

_ Thank you _ , he says. He wants to apologize, too, for saying  _ goodbye _ , but he won't. He does, however, shield the meaning of the promise he'd made. It might be too much and he doesn't know how to explain it.

_ Little gods, _ he wishes he could move, but the best he can manage is small things.

_ Still here, _ he thinks, makes a wry face (and it's not funny but he's exhausted).  _ Sorry to disappoint _ .

_ I'm going to kill you, _ she says, fierce, and he has time to laugh once, shortly, before she's slipped her hand around the back of his head and bent down to kiss him. He hums, kisses back as best he can, and he kind of can't believe it and he can taste tears and she feels a little desperate still.

_ Sorry, Soka, _ he thinks, gentle,  _ I'm fine. It's okay _ .

There's feeling easing back into his limbs, and he remembers bruises and his side and he still has a headache but her lips are soft and her fingers are gentle against his head and he's  _ alive _ and okay and they didn't take her.

~~~

Ahsoka pulls back after a moment, knowing Kix is right: they have to get out of here fast. But Rex is _ here _ and he's _ not gone _ and she can't quite bring herself to let go.

“Commander,” Jesse says, and she nods. “If we don't move we'll have company.”

She nods again, hums an agreement, but she's more focused on something one of the doctors had said.  _ What did he mean, your chip, Rex?  _ she asks, showing him the memory.  _ What chip? _

There's another question she wants to ask, because she's _ pretty sure _ Rex said goodbye with Mandalorian marriage vows (not that she's ever looked those customs up on the HoloNet, she has no reason to, of course), but that can wait.

The Force is shouting a warning at her, and she _ thinks _ it's because of the chip. 

~~~

Rex sends the mental equivalent of a shrug at her as she and Kix help him off the table. He still can't really support his own weight but he can tell his muscles are starting to respond again. He has no idea what they were saying about a chip and right now he couldn't care less. He just wants to get the hells out of here.

Although they're marching out of the room now, Rex senses Ahsoka isn't going to leave that alone. “You don't know? Kix, the doctors said something about a ‘chip.’ What does that mean?”

“I don't know, Commander.” Ahsoka’s little squad is flanking them and she has her yellow saber out, protecting him. “I've never heard anything about chips before. It must be something to do with the reconditioning.”

Rex doesn't know why that's bothering her so much. They don't even know what was meant by “his chip” and it hardly matters right now. They need to get out. They're surrounded and their squad is small (if competent).

_ Rex, this needs to concern you _ .

_ No, Ahsoka, we need to  _ leave. _ Now’s not the time to try to figure out how reconditioning works. _

_ It feels important. _

Rex can't fight and he's still kriffing  _ barefoot _ and he wants to go. He manages to plant his feet a little, forces his knees not to shake.  _ Ahsoka, later. Please. _

~~~

“This is _ important,  _ Rex!” She doesn't mean to snap, but the Force is tugging her and she _ needs to know. Look!  _ and she shoves the feeling at him, the way the Force is now, even though she's not sure he can really understand. She doesn’t blame him; she wants to get  _ out of here _ too but there’s no  _ choice, _ the Force is telling her  _ this you must do, this is important,  _ a compulsion she cannot even  _ begin _ to fight.

Tuck says, “All due respect, Commander, but it's _ really kriffing confusing _ when you two have half your conversation out loud and the other half in your head.”

“You get used to it,” says Jesse. “Captain, if the Commander thinks this is important, we should probably look into it.”

“The Force is insistent,” Ahsoka tries to explain. “This is a tipping point.”

Rex sighs, and she can't help feeling almost _ guilty,  _ because he wants to go home and she's not letting him, and _ kriff _ she hates this.  _ I love you, Rex, and I want to go home too. This is just--more important right now.  _

She doesn't know how to explain. 

~~~

Rex grits his teeth and tests his weight on his legs again. Still not ideal. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to hold a blaster yet.

Kix seems to know what he’s thinking, because he nods. “You probably have another half hour before the rest of that drug is really out of your system,” he says. “But you should be okay to walk and maybe shoot some people in a little while, if you’re careful.

“Fine, then,” he says. “But if this goes south, we’re getting on a ship and  _ leaving _ .”

“Okay,” Ahsoka agrees, although he can tell she doesn’t want to.

“If we’re talking about a chip, like a microchip,” Kix says, “We can probably do a bioscan to see if it picks anything up in him - maybe they were implanting an inhibitor chip to block the memories, I don’t know. But if we can get to a med lab and actually hold it for long enough, Tuck and I can run a few scans.”

Even Rex knows, unfortunately, that medical scans take longer than is ideal, and they don’t have  _ time for this _ . Still, he can tell that Ahsoka thinks this is  _ vital _ , and she may be right.

“Fine, let’s go.”

The facility is on high alert and they’re going to have to fight for every inch they gain, but they’re doing this anyway. He clenches his fists, tries to lean on Ahsoka and Kix as little as possible as they start down the hall. For a little while at least, they don’t meet much resistance; there aren’t normally a lot of troopers patrolling medical levels and causing a battle here would be ideal for no one.

It’s when they get closer to the experimental labs, the gene labs, the more vital operating and medical equipment rooms, that things start to get messy and more experienced troopers start trying to cut them off. And Rex  _ hates _ it because he can’t  _ do _ anything and if anything he’s in Ahsoka’s way.

~~~

Things are going to get  _ messy. _

Ahsoka knows that, accepts it even though she doesn’t  _ want _ to; she  _ hopes, _ at least, that by making for the operating labs instead of the landing platform their ship is on they’ll buy a little more time. The Kaminoans won’t expect them to go  _ deeper _ into the facility. It’s their one advantage.

From a tactical standpoint, this might just be the absolute worst decision she’s ever made: they’re on unfamiliar ground (well, her men know Kamino, but she doesn’t, she’s never been here, and she highly doubts any of them spent much time in this particular area), outnumbered--eight of them, one who’s drugged and weaponless, against who knows how many thousands of clones, both fully trained troopers and cadets--and surrounded. And they can’t--won’t--kill  _ vod’e, _ kill brothers, even though that’s yet another point against them, because it’s not the  _ clones’ _ fault: they’re just following orders.

Rex is following her thought process, projecting a vague sort of  _ agreement; _ at her last thought, though, she feels him make a connection. He tries to shield it from her, but with the drug still interfering with his ability to focus he can’t quite manage it, and she hears it plain as day:  _ good soldiers follow orders. _

“Good soldiers follow orders?” Ahsoka repeats, quizzical, and every single one of her men turns to her all at once, the same intent expression on their faces. (They’ve never looked more like  _ clones _ before.)

“How do you know about that, Commander?” Tup asks, and there’s an almost sharp edge to his voice she’s never heard before. She flushes dark orange, looks around (she feels  _ trapped, _ all of a sudden, and she’s never felt threatened by her own men before), but every one of them is  _ staring _ at her.

“I--I was thinking we can’t kill the  _ vod’e, _ it’s not their fault because they’re just following orders, and I just--I picked it up from Rex. I don’t--what does it mean?” They won’t stop  _ staring _ and Jesse takes an almost threatening step forward and she shrinks back instinctively. “You’re  _ scaring me,” _ slips out before she can bite it back, and she sounds small and panicked even to her own montrals. “I don’t--”

“It’s the voice in our nightmares,” Rex says softly, and she jerks her gaze over to him even though her instincts scream she can’t take her eyes off a threat. “Good soldiers follow orders. We all have them.”

“Commander,” and her eyes snap back to Fives, “that’s not the only thing the voice says,” and he looks shaky and so, so  _ afraid _ all of a sudden and she doesn’t know what to do.

So she asks the question. “What else?” and it’s just a whisper. The Force hovers on the edge of a precipice, tension freezing the great river of power to a near-standstill, a current of potential energy vibrating with  _ power; _ everything is oddly silent and she can hear her heart pounding in her chest, can feel the blood rushing through her veins, knows she’s holding her breath but it’s beyond her ability to make her lungs inflate. It’s the feeling of that nanosecond-stretched-into-eternity in between the ground dropping out from under your feet and the fall: she’s stepped over the edge of a cliff and is hanging suspended in midair, waiting for gravity--for the inevitable slow pull of Fate--to kick in.

It’s Kix who breaks the almost  _ liquid _ silence, steps forward with  _ anguish _ in his eyes (and she  _ knows _ this must be bad, and she feels herself start to fall). “Kill the Jedi.”

The Force  _ shatters. _

(In the Council chambers, in the middle of a meeting on what to do with Knight Skywalker, Master Mace Windu  _ feels _ the shatterpoint hit and he  _ screams,  _ drowns under a deluge of the Force, of wild, raw energy like a lightning strike, pure Light and Dark and Grey all together, burning away the haze of  _ notice-me-not _ clouding his sight, purifying the Force and revealing in a split second, in the space between heartbeats, the greatest shatterpoint of all, the one he’s been trying and failing to see since his gift deserted him.)

(Chancellor Palpatine, sometimes known as Darth Sidious, is in the middle of threatening an underling via holocomm when the web he has spent over twenty years building, grain by tiny grain of sand,  _ snaps, _ and he has just enough time to panic at the loss of his carefully constructed shielding before the backlash hits and knocks him out  _ cold.) _

~~~

In the moments before Kix speaks, Rex almost hopes he won’t - his  _ vod’e  _ don’t talk about these things, barely think about them. If no one says anything, if they let this pass, then it might mean the dreams aren’t real, the nightmares aren’t so pervasive. This is their secret, something dangerous, something that feels like it could destroy them, and if Ahsoka knows, if the Jedi know, what will they  _ do? _ But he feels her fear and there’s a strange tension in her thoughts, and he shields himself a little.

Kix meets his eyes and he knows his  _ vod _ wants to know if he should explain. If they should do this, risk this, and Rex almost shakes his head. The nightmares are better left silent.

But it feels  _ important _ , he senses Ahsoka thinks it’s  _ necessary _ , so he looks down, nods with only a tilt of his head. Let this be the right decision, please.

Kix tightens his grip around Rex, steps towards Ahsoka, and Rex’s heart pounds in his ears. He knows what Kix is going to say, they all know, they’ve heard it so many times.

How many nights has he woken up with his Jedi in his arms and those words circling vicious in his head, making him feel dangerous, unsure of himself? He’s hyper-aware of Kix’s every expression, of Ahsoka’s feelings, of something  _ heavy _ beyond her thoughts. His squad is frozen, watching, waiting for Kix to say it.

The thing the voice tells them, that they’re all afraid one day they may  _ listen to _ .

“Kill the Jedi.”

Something in Ahsoka’s mind  _ rips _ , and that ancient, wild  _ Force _ that Rex has felt a few times before has a voice, a roar of energy and something pierces his mind, into his bone and marrow, a horrible hard certainty and clarity like glass. He grabs his head, gasps, is vaguely aware of Ahsoka whimpering while her mind  _ screams _ \- something has happened and he doesn’t know what, doesn’t know what this is. He just tries to weather it, shaking, aware of some vast  _ will _ and plan and for a moment, he almost thinks he sees almost a tapestry of thought and energy and he can’t  _ think _ .

_ What have they done? _

~~~

Darkness, heavy and choking,  _ stifling, _ surrounds her; the Force is as deep and dark as an ocean of inky-black night, as cold and vast and endless as the dead space behind the stars. For a long moment she’s trapped, blind and deaf in this great expanse, and then her vision clears-- _ literally, _ she realizes abruptly, this is a vision.

Ahsoka is floating in a current of pure  _ power; _ she sees flashes of worlds uncountable pass before her eyes, oceans without shores and waterfalls of lava and the giant forests of Kashyyyk, sees a million species of sentients and animals alike--there is a krayt dragon, a rancor, a loth-cat, a squadron of clones, Togruta and Twi’lek and Wookiee and human and Mon Calamari and Toydarian and Gungan, on and on and on, all the millions of billions of living things in the galaxy bound together by an endless cycle of Life and Death, Peace and War, Heat and Cold, Light (and there’s the Jedi Temple) and Dark (a flash of gold-bright eyes and a lightsaber glowing crimson as fresh blood), and between it all there is joy and sorrow and anger and fear and pain and love and laughter, the sound of a trillion kyber crystals singing in perfect harmony, ancient and powerful and  _ beautiful: _ a balance.

_ Now you see the Force as it is meant to be, _ a voice as old as the stars and as inevitable as gravity murmurs, carrying with it a sense of vivid blue eyes and a world where the very essences of Life and Death are contained, in the center of it the wise and venerable old man who could divine a person’s soul with a single glance.

_ The Father? _ Ahsoka asks, though there’s no concrete  _ mind _ to project towards.

_ That is how you would know me, child. The Father was merely an… extension of what you see now, a facet of that which you [see-feel-know] here, able to comprehend the mechanics of language, the primitive ways sentients communicate. _ Nothing really changes, but suddenly there is new knowledge in her head: the Son the facet of Dark, the Daughter the facet of Light, the Father the balance in between.

_ [an energy field. it surrounds us, penetrates us, binds us together--] _

_ [you speak of the prophecy of the chosen one who will bring balance to the force] _

_ [the dark side clouds everything] _

_ Now [watch-understand-know], child. _

Something  _ shifts, _ changes; Ahsoka can’t quite pinpoint it at first, but finally she begins to see--the Cycle is being  _ twisted, _ tiny wisps of the Force pulled out of balance into a new shape, a pattern of Darkness, more and more strands moving as even as she realizes.  _ Know the truth, _ the Father says, and she reaches out, follows a strand back and back and back across hundreds of parsecs, twisting from planet to planet and through stardust and black holes and a brilliant, crackling nebula glowing with color, until a familiar planet comes into view, growing larger and larger until it fills her whole vision: Coruscant.

_ Thousands _ of strands, little cords of Force perverted and tied down against its will, all converge on the planet, and in the spaces between the threads a swirling haze shifts and spins and  _ hides, _ like smoke, like a sandstorm, a silken-soft voice murmuring  _ this is nothing, this is not here, i am nothing, i am no one, i am what you see at first sight, _ all velvet and kindness and wisdom; but Ahsoka is  _ one with the Force _ and the Father’s clear sight is in her mind’s eye and the velvet is rough and torn and scratched like sandpaper, the kindness is condescension, the wisdom is half-truths and broken promises tailor-made to every mind. 

_ Look deeper, _ the Father urges, and she slips through the gap between two threads and plunges into Coruscant’s atmosphere.

Here everything is  _ darker, _ oppressive and suffocating, and her mind feels coated in  _ oil, _ thick and slick and black, clinging to every sharp edge and broken piece of her  _ self _ , oozing through the cracks of her heart and poisoning it; but Ahsoka has the Son’s angry strength in her very blood and she burns like fire at the intrusion, the heat of her anger burning the oil away, purifying her heart. She follows the taint, the stench of rot and decay and filth back towards the source--passes by the Temple, veiled beneath a cloud of absolute blackness nearly eclipsing the Light within--and, powered by the Father’s clear sight and the Son’s powerful anger, approaches the very heart of the web… deep within the Senate building.

_ Closer, _ the Force urges her, and she listens, allows the current to take her through corridors and rooms clouded with distrust and rumor  _ [the jedi are plotting to take over the republic], _ up a few flights of stairs, drifting from strand to strand, weaving in and out of the Darkness in an effort not to brush against the threads.  _ Closer. _

She ends just outside the Chancellor’s office,  _ filled _ with seething pain and rage and cruelty, and she moves to enter, but  _ wait _ the Father breathes and she does,  _ watch, _ and her mind’s eye  _ feels _ the shatterpoint, feels the three words whispered into air fraught with tension and terror and  _ potential,  _ hears the rippling, cracking, shattering sound as a wave of power echoes down the web like a tuning fork rapped against a piece of durasteel.  _ [kill the jedi kill the jedi kill the jedi kill the time has come execute order sixty-six] _

The web  _ snaps _ in a wave of heavy inevitability like Fate itself, fragments into a billion tiny pieces of  _ hatred, _ sharp-edged and thirsting for  _ blood, _ humming rage at being bound, being tied, being  _ controlled, _ so against its--their--wildly feral nature.  _ [does not belong to you are not master not worthy of the title you will die for your presumption] _

Ahsoka steps into the room.

There is darkness, hatred, cruel malice, and terror and shock and disbelief and  _ pain _ and at the very center, the core of the maelstrom of the Dark Side of the Force finally freed from the bondage it despises, there is a man. Nothing more, nothing less--yes, Sith, yes, liar, yes, murderer, but a man all the same--and yet the very deepest dregs of her soul  _ hates _ him. Sidious-Palpatine  _ screams _ and screams and screams, begs for help, being slowly torn apart by the power he’d tamed that was never meant to wear chains, and the anger within her  _ smiles. _

_ [see-know-understand] the consequences of becoming unbalanced, of reaching too deep into one or the other, _ the Father says.  _ He deserves this, does he not? For all the horror and trauma he has inflicted upon you, upon your Order. _

Yes, says the clarity and logic of her mind.

Yes, says the raging inferno of her heart.

But she has the Daughter’s warm compassion and love as a wellspring within her soul, the Light counteracting the Darkness of her hatred,  _ [life and death, light and dark, anger and love, compassion and cruelty], _ and the softness of her soul says  _ no. _

_ Darth Sidious has done terrible things,  _ the Father warns, and  _ yes. _ He has. But--

_ No one deserves this, _ she says, and wrapped in  _ understanding _ like a cloak, like armor and shield all in one, she steps into the storm.

She has never felt such  _ pain _ in her life--her very self is being torn into shreds from the inside out, agonizingly slowly, the Darkness exulting in its freedom, and she screams (it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts) and screams and hurls the words out into the vastness of space, into the very fabric of the universe:

_ I forgive you! _

The Darkness wails, tears deeper into her; Sidious rejects her, snarls out a confused  _ foolish child, you’ll get yourself killed; _ Ahsoka ignores them all.

_ I forgive you, I know you,  _ **_I love you,_ ** _ Darth Sidious. For what you have done to the Force, I forgive you. For what you have encouraged the Jedi to become, I forgive you. For what you have set upon the galaxy, I forgive you. For what have made the clone troopers, I forgive you. For what you have tried to do to Rex,  _ **_I forgive you!_ **

The Darkness  _ screams. _

And Ahsoka Tano, child of the Force, wakes up.

~~~

Ahsoka’s mind is a  _ whirlwind _ , and the Force is sweeping through her thoughts and bleeding into his, and Rex can barely breathe (something tells him this power will destroy him, because he is not made to feel this) and he retreats into a corner of his mind, curls up small and blocks out as much of it as he can, knows he’s hyperventilating.  _ What is this? _

Some distant part of him is aware of his men dragging him and Ahsoka somewhere, of their panic, but all his energy is focused inward, on keeping himself  _ hidden _ , on not looking at the molten passion and purpose and intent that flows through his every thought. He thinks Ahsoka is at the center of that power but can't reach towards her - he can tell the Force will kill him, will rip him to pieces with its sheer  _ being _ .

Even hiding from it he can feel the workings of it, a rhythm and pulse of life like breath, like a heartbeat, like the tides of war and the strains of a song. This is a thing with a will and a pattern, something that is both death and life, something that makes up the fabric of the  _ world _ and the shape of its movement. It shows him how he was born and created along with millions and how he will also die with millions, and it’s a thought he’s had but now he  _ understands _ something about it, something vast.  _ This is what happens to all things _ . His head burns and cold and fire are rushing over his thoughts and a moment stretches on for ages.

Suddenly, in the cold, he feels Ahsoka in  _ pain _ , like nothing he's ever felt, like she's coming apart at the seams, and he thinks she must have  _ looked _ at this Force and been lost, and he can't help it - he reaches for her.

It's like stepping out into a hurricane on Kamino, wind and icy water and waves crashing over him, sending him to his knees, desperate to hide again. She's  _ screaming _ and there's an anger and a wild violence tearing at the edges of his thoughts and hers, and it chills him to the core and he can't  _ think or breathe or speak or move _ under an onslaught of pain and anger and something dark and vast like an ocean stirred into a storm, crashing and eroding away at him and dragging him under to drown him.

He's  _ lost _ and someone is screaming. Everything he is is scattered, pulled apart by power so out of his reach he can't even consider it. For a moment everything is just straining, pain, madness, retreat.

And then Rex is flooded with  _ warmth _ . It's sunlight and fire and the love that had saved him after Kadavo, Ahsoka’s smile and safety and he clings to it, makes it an anchor in the cold. It's her acceptance, the color of her eyes and the wild freedom of her dancing. It’s deep and passionate and he is  _ undone _ , laid bare, and it scorches over his scars, cleans them, heals them, renews everything it touches. It’s  _ light _ and fire and forgiveness and something too wild to be contained, too free to be understood, and he’s clinging to it but even this is dangerous, even this could unmake him. But in this chaos, he finds he can breathe, can cling to its power and drag himself back to safety, away from the Force and the ancient will of it, away from the deepness and fire and ice and storm and  _ vastness _ .

It feels like ages (but it's not) before all that power begins to recede, flowing back out of his mind, leaving him hollow and washed out but intact. He's hesitant to let his awareness return, afraid of that scouring wind and ceaseless energy. His head is pounding, and he groans, finds his mouth is dry. He opens his eyes and Kix grabs his shoulders, is staring at him with panic in his eyes. “Captain, what the  _ hell! _ ” Rex pushes his hands away and Kix holds up a hand. “Yes, I know, Ahsoka. She's- I don't  _ know _ , sir.”

Rex pushes Kix out of the way (and he's swaying when he stands, he's going to fall) and stumbles over to Ahsoka on his  _ useless _ muscles, shoves Tuck out of the way and drops to his knees, cups his hands around her face. She's just not  _ here _ , he can tell, and he reaches for her, wants her back.

For a moment, there's nothing, and no response. Then suddenly her mind is back, and close, and  _ hers _ , and her eyes fly open.

Blue, and her. He loves that blue. “ _ Oya, _ my Jedi,” he breathes, heart beating painfully hard.

~~~

At first, her eyes won’t focus; she’s panting and her heart is pounding and the physical world feels  _ wrong, _ small and limited, and there’s someone  _ touching her-- _

_ My Jedi, _ the person says, and she relaxes immediately. It’s Rex. She lets her eyes fall closed again, groans softly, knowing he’s got to be  _ terrified _ (and she remembers the rest of the troopers and winces internally) but unable to find the energy to keep her eyes open. Not yet.

“Kriff,” she mumbles finally,  _ exhausted _ from channeling so much sheer Force. “Now I know why we had to stay.”

“Commander, what the  _ kriff,” _ Kix snarls out, panicky, and hands--probably his--are on her arm, finding her pulse. “What the kriff did you  _ do? _ Your heart is--”

“I know,” she says, breathes carefully in and opens her eyes again. This time, she’s prepared for the way the world spins, though she swears at what that means. “Overextended,” she manages to get out, knowing he’ll know what that means.

“You didn’t even  _ do anything! _ How did you overextend yourself?” She can tell he’s been terrified by the sharpness of his voice.

“Mortis,” she breathes, tries to make eye contact with Rex only for the tiny motion to send stabbing pain through her head.  _ “Ow, shavit.” _ That  _ hurts. _ She closes her eyes again, lifts one hand weakly to her forehead. “That was--a shatterpoint, big one. I don’t usually feel them.” She doesn’t have that gift, unlike Master Windu.

“What the kriff is a shatterpoint?” Fives asks, gruff and trying to hide the way his voice shakes.

Ahsoka lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s… kind of a tipping point in time, an event or a person with heavy significance. I guess this was a really important one--has something to do with the nightmares, with killing the Jedi.” 

“Is that why you collapsed, sir?” Dogma asks, quiet and tentative, almost like he’s afraid to say anything.

“Not totally,” she says, wondering how exactly to explain it. “It triggered--something. Mortis, Rex, it was--them.”

“All of them?” Rex asks, and he sounds almost  _ horrified, _ and also like he’s feeling a shadow of the pain and exhaustion she is; she opens her eyes again, frowns at him.

“The Father. Mostly. Rex, you  _ didn’t,” _ and she isn’t sure but there’s only one thing she can think of that would have him feeling that--and the sheepishness on his face confirms her fear. “Rex! That could’ve  _ killed you, _ damn it, your mind can’t  _ handle _ the Force like that!” Shouting hurts. A lot.  _ “Kriffing hell, _ are there any painkillers anywhere?” She’ll be  _ useless _ if she can’t get this headache kicked.

Kix fumbles with the emergency med kit on his belt. “I have some, but if you’ve already overextended yourself you need to be  _ careful,” _ he warns. “Just because the pills mask the headache doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting.”

“I  _ know, _ I’m not a youngling,” she grumbles, extending her hand for the pills and dry-swallowing them gratefully. “How much of what just happened did you catch?”

Rex shakes his head, winces a little. “You were screaming,” he says quietly. “And there was--darkness, I don’t know, it was ripping you apart.”

The painkillers  _ finally _ start to take effect, and Ahsoka cautiously sits up, keeping her eyes on Rex so she doesn’t have to see the way Kix is  _ scowling _ at her. “The Sith Master we’ve been looking for is Chancellor Palpatine,” she says, subdued. (Someone has to tell the Jedi--but the shield hiding him is gone now, so maybe they already know.) “I--I think I saved his  _ life.” _

~~~

Only Ahsoka’s obvious pain and exhaustion (and the warm feeling that still pervades her surface thoughts) keeps Rex from saying  _ kriffing why? _ Why would she save the life of a Sith Lord?

Fives has no such reservations. “Chancellor Palpatine?” he snarls, and it's loud enough that Rex winces. His head hurts too much for this. “What do you mean  _ Chancellor Palpatine _ is a  _ Sith Lord?” _

“Quiet  _ down _ , Fives,” Kix growls.

Fives obliges, a little. “And how could you have  _ saved his life _ , he's on Coruscant and we're here - and he's the one who ordered them to  _ recondition _ Rex.”

The rest of the men seem to wonder the same thing, and Rex spares worry for them - they all look exhausted and scared and he wants to be able to promise them it's okay but he doesn't know that anymore than they do. All he knows is that it had  _ hurt _ and she's saying something about the Father, the Son, and the Daughter being there and shatterpoints and the Chancellor being a Sith - and none of that sounds  _ good _ .

“I don't know, Fives,” Ahsoka says wearily, and Rex feels her exhaustion beginning to shift into confusion, anxiety. “I just… I  _ had _ to.”

Rex doesn't understand what's happening, at all, but he does know his Jedi, knows everything is catching up to her because there's fear and doubt running in the back of her mind now. He holds up a hand to Fives, as firmly as he can. “Can you explain more, Soka?” he asks, gently.

“Now is  _ hardly _ the time!” Tuck protests. “Sir, we're barricaded in here and we need to do that bioscan still and-”

“Tuck,” Kix snaps. “We all know. Now shut up.”

Rex almost laughs except poor Tuck looks cowed and frightened. “Kix,” he says, a soft reprimand. The medic sighs, and Rex turns back to Soka.

~~~

_ Why, _ Fives asks, and Ahsoka feels the calm certainty of the Daughter leave her. Why? Why had she saved the life of a  _ Sith? _ Not to mention that Palpatine, Sidious,  _ whoever _ he is, is who ordered Rex to be taken from them. “It--was the right thing to do?” That shouldn’t be a question, shouldn’t be hesitant. “No one deserves to die like that,” she adds, more quietly.

“If he’s a  _ Sith, _ he’s too  _ dangerous _ to leave alive,” Fives snaps, and she can’t keep herself from flinching a little at the  _ hostility _ in his voice. “And I still don’t get how you could save him when he’s on  _ Coruscant!” _

“What happened, ‘Soka?” Rex asks again, soft, projecting soothing calm at her. “From the beginning.”

From the beginning. She can do that. “I--it was a vision, I thought, but more than that,” she starts, fumbling with her words a little because she doesn’t really know what to  _ say. _ “I saw the Force in balance, the Father showed me, and then he showed me--there was darkness, a web or something, the Chancellor had forced the Force into the pattern he wanted instead of  _ balance.” _ Her words are stumbling, halting, uncertain. “I don’t… I followed it, the Force--the Father--oh,  _ shavit.” _

None of this is making sense and her head  _ hurts _ and she’s  _ tired _ and what if she should’ve let him die? She doesn’t really know anymore. “I’m sorry, I don’t… it’s confusing.”

“Clearly,” Tuck grumbles, but Kix sends him a  _ look _ and he shuts up.

“That’s fine,” Rex says, “Keep going.”

She takes a deep breath. “I followed the darkness back to Coruscant, to the Chancellor, and then there was--I  _ felt _ the shatterpoint, felt it come too soon, and there were voices--I heard Kix say  _ kill the Jedi, _ and somebody else said  _ the time has come, execute order sixty-six--” _

Everyone  _ freezes. _

She’s looking at Tuck, because he’s upset and she wants him to understand, and so she sees his face just go  _ blank, _ like all the personality has just been wiped away from him, as though  _ Tuck _ is just washed away like paint in the rain, and he’s  _ gone. _ In his place is just-- _ nothing, _ just an empty shell, and he says, monotone, “Good soldiers follow orders.”

“Tuck?” Ahsoka stares, wide-eyed, looks over at Kix, at Fives and Jesse and Tup, sees them all the same way; Dogma over by the door is too, and  _ Rex-- _ he’s clinging to her, fighting something,  _ ‘Soka help me please, _ and she doesn’t know what to do so she just grabs onto his mind and sends love and tries to hide her terror and confusion as blasters come up. “Stand down,  _ please, _ I don’t  _ understand! Rex!” _

~~~

_ Good soldiers follow orders _ . CT-7567 shakes his head, feels  _ her  _ in his mind, and there’s love and terror and it grounds him enough that he can  _ panic _ because he doesn’t think this is right, he doesn’t  _ feel right _ .

_ Kill the Jedi _ . His fists are clenched and he has to attack her, has to find a blaster and do his job, follow his orders.

Part of his mind is  _ shouting, raging _ , and he doesn’t know what’s happening but-  _ Ahsoka, your kriffing sabers! _

His men fire and the Jedi just manages to ignite her lightsabers, deflect the bolts.

_ Rex, what’s happening? Please, what are you doing? _ She’s pressing against his thoughts, breaking down his shields and CT-7567 recoils, holds out his hand for ARC-5555 to give him a blaster because he’s  _ unarmed _ and he has to kill-

_ Rex! _

The blaster the ARC trooper gives him is heavy and, and he can’t  _ think _ . He raises the weapon but it feels too hard and his men fire again, and Ahsoka deflects the bolts, backs away.

_ It’s not right, this isn’t right, what’s happening? _

_ Rex, focus, listen to me, please! _ He feels her panic and it’s cold, heavy and she’s in his mind and he shakes his head, tries to do what he  _ has to _ but there’s something else now, burning hot and dangerous, and he looks around at his men again.  _ Good soldiers follow orders _ .

The heat solidifies into something defiant, and part of him is shouting, roaring, and before he quite knows how or why, Captain Rex reaches for Ahsoka’s mind.  **_No_ ** **.**

Ahsoka wraps him in love, fast, clings onto his mind and he feels her pushing back the creeping voice that won’t be  _ quiet _ . It’s instinct to flip the setting of his blaster to stun, to turn and fire at Tuck before his men figure out what he’s doing. The anger burns fierce and protective, clears out the fog, the confusion, and he’s still struggling but he  _ will not _ hurt his Jedi, and he’s  _ had _ this nightmare but he isn’t sleeping, he’s kriffing  _ awake _ and he’s not going to let anything happen to her. His men turn their blasters on him and he takes two fast strides to Ahsoka, where her sabers can protect him too.

_ Kill the Jedi _ .

He kriffing  _ won’t _ . Not her, not his Soka, and he shoots at ARC-5555 - _ no, Fives _ \- but the trooper dives out of his way. They’re still surrounded and outnumbered and his men are shooting to kill and Rex has to remind himself he  _ cannot kill them  _ or Ahsoka.

~~~

CT-6116 is… confused. 

His Captain, CT-7567, is a good soldier, a good trooper; that’s how he’s made it to Captain, after all. So why isn’t ‘67  _ listening? _

_ Good soldiers follow orders. Kill the Jedi. _

He raises his blaster, aims at the traitorous Jedi first--her lightsabers (the blades are silver, and that seems  _ wrong, _ they should be green and yellow) are protecting both herself and the Captain, who is, ‘16 supposes, not such a good soldier after all. Well, once the Jedi is dead, they’ll deal with ‘67. ARC-5555 will probably take over command, then, as the most senior of them. 

Something in him thinks that would be a  _ terrible _ idea. Fives is too outspoken and reckless to be a Captain.

Fives?

_ ARC-5555. _

‘16 fires again, and the Jedi barely deflects the bolt; she’s shaking and exhausted and in pain.  _ Overextension, possibly Force burn. _ He shakes his head--it doesn’t matter. If she’s injured it’ll make it easier. She can’t hold them off forever.

She’s not even  _ trying  _ to fight.

_ She shouldn’t even have her lightsabers out, kriffing impossible-- _

Enough! ‘16 shakes his head again, focuses.  _ Good soldiers follow orders, _ and he’s a good soldier.  _ Kill the Jedi. _

(He’s not a soldier, he doesn’t want to fight, he wants to  _ save, _ he wants to heal.)

_ Good soldiers follow orders. _

This is  _ wrong. _

He’s not quite sure why he thinks that, all of a sudden, but he does, and something is  _ screaming _ in terror,  _ I don’t understand, please, it’s me, it’s  _ **_Ahsoka,_ ** _ it’s your Commander, your Jedi, why don’t you  _ **_recognize me?_ **

She’s so  _ scared. _

He--he doesn’t care, he shouldn’t care, he is CT-6116 and he is a good soldier and good soldiers follow orders and his orders are kill the Jedi but she’s scared and she’s hurt and he--

He’s  _ not a soldier. _ Not a killer. 

He  _ heals. _

He is--he is  _ Kix of the 501st, _ not CT-6116, not someone who would murder his Commander in cold blood, she is  _ vod’e _ now, and he does  _ not _ kill his brothers. (She’s so  _ scared _ and he doesn’t know how he knows that but he clings to it like a drowning man.) 

Kix flips the switch on his blaster to stun, shoots CT-5835--no,  _ Tup, _ he shoots Tup in the back, and Jesse--CT-5597--Jesse turns, says  _ “Ni’duraa, aruetii!” _

_ Traitor. _

“I’m not the traitor here,” he snarls out (part of him is screaming because this is his best friend, his closest friend, saying  _ you disgust me _ and he wants to cry), clutches his blaster in his palms and tries not to shoot at the Jedi--at  _ Ahsoka _ again. She’s scared. He can feel that, feel her fear. He’s scared too.  _ Kill the Jedi. _ He doesn’t know what to do, so he ducks under a shot from Dogma, trips over Tuck on the floor  _ (good soldiers follow orders), _ stumbles up to the Jedi.  _ “Jetii,” _ but no that’s the wrong language, “Jedi--Commander Tano,” that’s right, “I’m scared too.” It feels wrong to admit it.

She just  _ stares. _ “How--how do you know?”

“You’re screaming,” he says, because she is. And he has to-- _ kill the-- _ no! “I can’t--” and he squeezes his eyes shut and grits his teeth because  _ he can’t do this _ and the voice won’t stop.  _ “Haar’chak!” _ Basic won’t come anymore.  _ “Nayc, nayc, nayc.” _ He can’t. He  _ won’t. _

“Kix, this is wrong, do you feel that?” she asks, and he grabs onto the thin thread of sanity, of  _ safety, _ that her voice promises.

_ “Elek, _ yes,” he manages. He does. It’s all  _ wrong _ and the voice won’t  _ stop _ and he can’t get  _ free _ and he  _ won’t kill her! _ “Please, Commander, help,  _ gedet’ye, _ I don’t want to--”

“Breathe, Kix,” she soothes him. “Focus on the voice, build a wall between the voice and yourself. Can you do that for me?” He doesn’t know how she manages to sound so calm while deflecting blaster bolts and also almost falling over. 

A wall? He doesn’t totally understand, but he does his best, imagines he’s wrapping his mind in his  _ beskar’gam, _ his armor, armor,  _ kill the Jedi, _ and he pushes the voice out  _ (good soldiers follow orders) _ because that’s  _ not him _ and it doesn’t belong in his mind. Walls break easily  _ (kill the Jedi), _ armor is better, armor gives more protection than a plain old wall, and he has to focus because his Commander ordered him to.  _ Good soldiers-- _

“I am  _ not a soldier!” _ he rages, hurls the words defiantly into the air, into the faces of his  _ vod’e, _ and he slams the voice  **_out!_ **

And Kix can suddenly  _ breathe. _

~~~

CT-5129 is a good soldier, the best.

That’s what they told him, in training, that he was a model soldier, the ideal trooper.

He’s proud of that.

_ Good soldiers follow orders _ .

The Captain has never been good enough - he always disobeys, always breaks protocol, and CT-5129 isn’t surprised to find this is no different.

_ Kill the Jedi _ . He fires on her repeatedly, and she deflects everything. Not good enough, he has to do better than this.

Her lightsabers make him feel… off. Something at the back of his mind nags for his attention but he cannot be distracted. He has his orders and that’s the important thing right now, to complete the mission. ARC-5555 gives him a hand signal and they all draw back, shift so they can cover CT-6116 along with the Captain. They’re not  _ good soldiers _ , they always do this, always disregard orders and rules - but he doesn’t.

_ I hope you can live with yourself, Dogma _ .

He has his orders, he- He shakes his head, forces himself to focus, keep his aim steady, and he tries to hit CT-7567 but the Jedi blocks him.

He’s a good soldier and he can tell she’s losing energy.

“Dogma,” and the Captain is talking, sharp and forceful and he is a ranking officer but he’s also  _ aruetii _ , not one of them anymore. “Dogma, stand  _ down _ . You know you can’t do this.”

Something about the Captain’s expression reminds him- he thinks- but no, that doesn’t matter. He has his orders.

He shifts his blaster just a little, fires at CT-6116, and the Jedi tries to move but like he’d seen, she’s tired and slow and his shot hits the other trooper’s leg and CT-6116 stumbles.

CT-5129 has a perfect line on ‘16’s chest. He levels his blaster, finger tightening on the trigger-

_ I hope you can live with yourself, Dogma _ .

The  _ kriff _ , why does he keep  _ thinking that? _

He tries again (he’s almost lost his opening), because ‘16 is defective and he- he-

_ The sabers _ . He doesn’t know why that’s important but he’s frozen and the Jedi cuts off his shot at CT-6116, twirling her sabers, and he remembers  _ good soldiers  _ standing in front of a wall littered with blaster shots.

_ You ensured the death of your brothers with your obedience. _

But he has to, he has  _ orders _ … But his instincts are screaming, now, and the faint nagging pressure at the back of his mind has increased because, because, because- he doesn’t know  _ why _ .

ARC-5555 looks at him, barks, “Stay  _ focused _ , ‘29.”

That… that doesn’t feel right.

_ I hope you can live with yourself, Dogma. _

He’s a  _ good soldier _ , the best, and  _ good soldiers follow orders _ .

But CT-6116 is lying on the ground and there’s a hole in his leg that CT-5129 put there and that’s  _ not right _ because.

Because he  _ promised _ .

_ Never again, I’m never letting anyone use me to hurt my  _ vod’e  _ again _ .

_ Good soldiers follow orders. _ He’s a good soldier. He does what he’s told, he trusts the system, this is what he-

No.

Because CT-6116 -  _ Kix _ \- is his  _ vod _ and he promised.  _ Not again _ . He trusts his  _ vod’e _ and he trusts the Captain -  _ he disobeyed orders he made everyone else follow him he - _ and Rex is right, he can’t do this. Because he promised. Because orders aren’t  _ important _ .

_ Good soldiers follow orders _ .

But Dogma isn’t a good soldier. He’s a  _ vod _ . He slips his finger against the switch on his gun, sets it to stun, and turns on Jesse - but the trooper dives out of the way and Dogma rushes to join his brothers before Fives can shoot him.

So he can stand with Captain Rex and Kix and Commander Tano where he  _ belongs _ .

~~~

Ahsoka can barely breathe, exhausted and shaking and her head is  _ agony _ and she--she--Rex sends her a wave of strength and she clutches it close, drags in a desperate gasp and blocks another round of blasterfire. She’s so  _ tired _ and there’s sweat dripping into her eyes and she has to stay focused because if she misses another shot that could be  _ fatal. _

“Kix,” she manages to gasp out, “I’m  _ sorry--” _

“Save your breath, Commander,” the medic says, sounding far more like his old self now that he’s shielded from whatever’s  _ taken over _ her men. “I’m alright.” He’s lying; his voice is taut with pain.

(And that’s a surprising thing, that he could  _ feel _ her fear--she knows she’s projecting, because her shields are slipping and she’s so  _ tired, _ but she didn’t think it’d be  _ possible _ for any of the clones to be sensitives. A part of her wonders how she never saw it before.)

“Fives, Jesse,  _ stand down,” _ she snaps, blocks another shot (and the bolt deflects back dangerously close to Fives’ head and she  _ can’t kill them). _ “That’s an  _ order, _ troopers.”

“Your orders carry no weight,  _ Jedi,” _ Fives spits back, fires again--she barely manages to deflect the bolts. 

Kix is still on the floor and there’s  _ too many _ and she can’t protect them all, she can’t, not against her best men (she’d brought the best of them on purpose). But she  _ won’t lose them, _ and--

Jesse aims at Dogma, fires, and Ahsoka  _ lunges _ through the air to catch the bolts in time, but she loses her footing in the process and slams to the floor, the impact knocking the breath from her lungs, and she can’t  _ breathe, _ she can’t  _ move, _ she’s  _ failing them, _ Jesse raises his blaster to fire and--

And falls.

“Kriff you, Jesse,” Kix says very very quietly, and Ahsoka turns her head enough to see the medic holding his blaster steady, still aimed where Jesse was standing. (A part of her remembers the two of them are usually inseparable.)

“Commander,” and it’s Dogma, “are you alright?”

No. But she has to be. Fives is frozen, for just a moment, probably surprised by Jesse’s being stunned, but the moment doesn’t last long and his blaster aims again and she  _ can’t get up _ and instinct takes over and she throws out one hand,  _ flings _ him across the room, knocking the blaster from his hand.  _ ‘Soka, _ Rex says, and he’s terrified and she absently sends him reassurance, struggles to push herself off the floor.

“I’m  _ sorry, _ Fives,” she whispers.

…

Kix knows what’s about to happen before it does.

_ (Hey, you’re CT-6116, right? They call you Kix? _

‘16  _ hates _ that name, honestly. He wishes his  _ vod’e _ would stop calling him that. It doesn’t even  _ mean anything. _ But he sighs, answers in the affirmative.  _ Yeah, I guess. I’m ‘16, I mean. I guess I’m Kix now too. Why? _

He doesn’t know the  _ vod _ approaching him. Doesn’t  _ want _ to know him, probably. Ever since ‘16 made the mistake of telling his squad he wants to be a doctor, not a soldier, he’s been, well… he’s not  _ defective, _ and the longnecks won’t recondition him just because he doesn’t want to fight (the battalions need field medics, after all), but his brothers have never looked at him the same.  _ I’m Jesse, _ the unfamiliar  _ vod _ says, and grins.  _ Is there something wrong with Kix? _

‘16 shrugs.  _ They gave it to me. _ He doubts the other will understand.

But Jesse sobers abruptly.  _ Well, for what it’s worth, ‘16, I think it’s cool you want to be a doctor. I’ll go out and blow the clankers to pieces and you can patch me back up again after, how does that sound? I’ll even shoot a few extra for you. _ And he  _ winks. _

‘16 doesn’t quite know what to say or do.  _ You don’t think I’m  _ hut’uun? (That seems to be the other troopers’ favorite pastime these days, calling him a  _ coward _ to try and get him to fight.)

_ Nah, _ Jesse says easily,  _ trust me,  _ vod,  _ sticking a needle in somebody else’s  _ **_flesh_ ** _ is  _ **_way_ ** _ more terrifying than shooting clankers. Like, what if you did it wrong and killed them? Or poisoned them, or, I dunno, stabbed yourself instead? _

_ Why the kriff would I stab  _ **_myself?_ ** ‘16 rolls his eyes.  _ That would just be stupid. _

Jesse shrugs.  _ I don’t know, man, but trust me. I probably could manage it. Or I’d just drop it. I  _ **_hate_ ** _ needles. They’re kriffing terrifying! _

_ It’s a  _ **_needle,_ ** _ not a clanker, it can’t shoot you. _

_ That’s the point!) _

Jesse brings his blaster up and fires at Dogma, and Commander Tano has to launch herself off the ground to deflect the bolts. Had she not been so  _ exhausted, _ she would’ve  _ easily _ landed back on her feet, but she’s shaking from exertion and Kix is going to  _ murder her _ later for overextending herself--and he almost sobs because he nearly  _ had _ murdered her, not in jest, but for real, and, and, and he needs to  _ breathe. _ Because he knows what Jesse is doing, knows Jesse’s noticed the Commander’s state, how she won’t be able to last much longer, and she falls like Jesse and Kix both knew she would and she doesn’t get up.

And, for a moment, both Fives and Jesse have a clear line of sight to both Rex and Dogma. 

They seem to have forgotten Kix, half-laying on the floor, propped up against the wall, his left hand pressing into the hole in his leg trying to stem the bleeding, the blaster he’s never wanted to use next to his right hand.

He doesn’t have the angle for Fives, but--

But Jesse is right  _ here _ and it’d be so simple to just--simple,  _ ha, _ as though anything about this is  _ simple. _

Fives aims his blaster at Rex and Kix goes for his blaster but he  _ can’t move fast _ or they’ll see and he’s not going to stop Fives in time and--and--something white-hot and powerful  _ roars _ up in him, in response to his desperation, and he stretches his left hand out and  _ pushes _ and--and the blaster--

Fives’ blaster  _ jolts _ to one side, and the shot is way off the mark.

(A little voice inside Kix is babbling incoherently and screaming and crying because  _ he can’t do this he’s not--he’s a clone, he’s just a clone, he can’t be this or he’ll be terminated, because it’s not  _ **_allowed,_ ** _ he’s hid it for so long and never ever ever let it out but now they’ll  _ **_know.)_ **

And before Jesse can look away from Dogma, before he can change his aim, Kix pulls his blaster off the floor and fires. He fires on his best friend, on the one  _ vod _ who had  _ encouraged _ his dream, the one who hadn’t called him a coward, and he  _ hates _ himself for it.

~~~

Rex wants his armor, desperately, wants his own two blaster pistols, wants this kriffing voice to get  _ out of his head _ , please, he still feels like he’s struggling to stay focused. Fives struggles to get up and Rex shoots at him but his friend  _ jerks _ to the side, fires back and Rex doesn’t have armor so he has to drop to the ground (and his muscles are protesting and his head is spinning and everything feels off-balance and he can tell Ahsoka is going to collapse, going to run out of energy soon).

Rex raises Fives’ blaster and takes aim (and he can’t help how he’s shaking, because he’s tired and too far gone and  _ good soldiers follow orders _ ), but Fives dives out of the way, behind a lab bench, and he’s the only one left and Rex has never seen his friend’s eyes so empty and deadly.

And Fives was promoted to ARC trooper for a reason - he’s fast and creative and  _ tough _ , and Ahsoka won’t be able to block all his shots for long, not with how tired she is, and Fives  _ knows _ that, Fives will be able to tell he almost has her and then.

_ Kill the Jedi _ .

He has to stop this, has to stop it now, because Kix is on the ground and Dogma is too inexperienced and Ahsoka isn’t going to be able to do this for long and so. So it’s up to Rex.

He clings onto Ahsoka’s thoughts and love, onto the anger that makes his blood rush loud in his ear, and clenches his fist.

Fives will be waiting for someone to make a mistake, for Ahsoka to slip up, and he can afford to wait much longer than they can.

So Rex will give him a mistake.

He projects an order at Ahsoka, hopes she listens, to  _ stay put _ and to not stop covering Kix and Dogma, and then he darts away from her, where her sabers don’t protect him, as if he’s trying to get around to where he can shoot Fives behind the table.

_ Rex, don’t! _

Fives leaps to his feet and fires in one fluid motion, and Rex  _ twists _ just enough and the bolt sears into his right shoulder instead of his chest.

And  _ thank the little gods _ , Dogma shoots Fives past Ahsoka’s shoulder as Rex staggers and falls, and it’s  _ over _ . And Kix is going to kill him because his shoulder  _ burns _ and there’s not enough feeling in his arm and he’s  _ exhausted  _ but.

But it’s stopped and it’s silent and even if he can still hear  _ good soldiers follow orders _ , his Jedi is alive and safe and they didn’t kill her. He didn’t. He forces himself to push himself off the floor because they have to restrain his men in case they wake up and nothing’s changed.

Ahsoka’s mind against his is nothing but numb exhaustion and that’s the only warning before her legs buckle and she crumples to the floor, her sabers clattering out of her hands. Rex hurries over to her (and he sways and the world  _ tilts _ and he almost falls) and crouches next to her, tries to pull her into his arms except he’s  _ so tired _ and his right arm doesn’t  _ work _ .

Kix drags himself over and Rex can tell he’s in incredible pain, sweat beading on his forehead, jaw clenched. “Are you kriffing  _ kidding _ me, Captain?” Kix hisses, but there’s no real anger there.

Rex hadn’t had a better option and they could  _ not _ let their Jedi die, let their  _ vod’e _ die.

“Dogma,” Rex manages. Dogma’s still standing and Rex has just enough energy to be  _ proud _ of him. “Cuff them, please, and lean them against the wall.”

“Yes, sir.”

Rex can’t stop shaking, and he grabs Kix as the medic lifts Ahsoka’s wrist to take her pulse again. “Your leg.”

“I know, I’ll deal with it,” he says. “I have to make sure she’s going to be okay.” And that’s fair because Ahsoka looks pale and she’s shaking and when he brushes against her mind she’s just  _ numb _ .

~~~

Ahsoka is  _ tired. _

She’s  _ tired. _

Part of her is  _ terrified _ because her ‘sabers aren’t within reach and she  _ needs them _ but she can’t lift her arms to grab them and when she tries to reach for the Force she’s hit with  _ pain. _ She tries to swear, but it comes out as a faint whimper, and she can  _ feel _ Rex’s anxiety spike.  _ Hurts, _ she tells him, more in emotions than words. Force burn, she needs to tell Kix that, he knows how to treat it (rest, which she can’t take the time for right now).  _ I need a stim shot. _

She’s going to have to fight again and she needs to at least be able to  _ deflect blaster bolts, _ which means she  _ needs _ a stim, because she can’t even stand up right now, and…

And thinking is more energy than she has right now.

It takes every ounce of willpower she possesses to move her arm, the arm with the blaster wound she’d taken for Dogma, but she manages, reaches out to Rex almost desperately.  _ Rex… _

_ I’m here, ‘Soka, _ and his hand finds hers, and then he swears. “Kriff,  _ ner’jetii, _ what happened to your arm?”

Kix swears too, she thinks.

Sending words is too hard, so Ahsoka focuses for long enough to send him the memory, of needing to block a bolt aimed at Kix on the floor and Fives is firing at Dogma and she can’t move fast enough so she flings her arm in the way, keeps the bolt from hitting Dogma in the chest.

He feels…  _ something, _ about that.

She’s too tired to understand what.

…

Kix swears as he jolts his leg trying to see the Commander’s arm, white-hot agony shooting up into his spine, and he clenches his teeth on a scream (it hurts it hurts it  _ really kriffing hurts) _ and keeps scooting over, swallowing the swears he  _ wants _ to spit out because that’s  _ not helpful right now. _

Everything hurts, but his sore muscles are a dull background pain compared to the burning fire in his leg. That alone is a sign that it’s  _ bad, _ but he  _ doesn’t have time _ to look at himself right now. He’ll be fine. He  _ will. _ “Kriff, Commander,” he growls through gritted teeth, “I thought you said you’d try to be less self-sacrificing.”

She doesn’t even  _ react, _ and that starts alarm bells ringing in his head. “Captain, this isn’t good.”

“Yeah, I  _ know that, _ Kix,” Rex snaps, and then breathes in, out. “Sorry.”

“What the kriff even  _ happened?” _ That’s Dogma, and his hands are shaking a bit. “I--I promised I wouldn’t kill any more brothers, and--and I almost killed you, Kix!”

“Easy, Dogma,” Kix says, tries to sound reassuring. “It wasn’t you. It  _ wasn’t us.” _

The words sound hollow even to himself.

Someone moans, and he snaps to high alert without thinking, hisses in pain as he bumps his leg, one hand scrabbling for his blaster-- _ shavit, _ it’s over where he’d been sitting. He’s  _ not _ crawling back over there and back to the Commander again, it hurt too much the  _ first _ time. “Oh,  _ little gods,” _ a faint voice whispers, “the Commander, I--I don’t--”

It’s Tuck, and he sounds like  _ himself _ again. “It’s alright, Tuck.” It’s not. “I know. She’s fine.” Mostly.

Kix’s assistant peels himself off the floor, looking utterly  _ devastated. _ “I don’t  _ understand,” _ he chokes out, “I didn’t  _ want to _ do it, I didn’t, I  _ swear.” _ Kix motions with one hand, and Dogma steps over to the younger clone, starts to undo the binders, but Tuck flinches back. “No, no, don’t take them off, what if it happens again--”

“I  _ need you, _ Tuck,” Kix says, tries not to be sharp but it  _ hurts, _ and  _ stars _ but he’s getting dizzy and he’s not even trying to stand yet. “It’s not your fault.”

“But I--”

“Tuck!” He  _ snaps. _ “Just let him take the  _ damned binders off _ and get  _ over _ here!” And he  _ knows _ that’s uncalled for, but he can’t seem to breathe quite right, and another wave of hot agony rolls over him and he swears in strangled Mando’a, presses his hands to his leg again.  _ Shavit, _ this is  _ not good. _ Not good at  _ all. _

~~~

They need to get out of here. They don’t have time to stay holed up in this room, they need to get to a lab and run a bioscan and get  _ out _ , but Tup and Jesse and Fives are still out cold, and they can’t move until they wake up, because Ahsoka can’t walk, Kix  _ barely _ can, and he and Dogma and Tuck can’t carry three troopers and Ahsoka by themselves and still fight.

“Kix, you and Tuck have until Jesse’s up and able to move to patch yourselves and Ahsoka up, then we need to move,” he says, knows it’s a lot to ask in the face of this but also knowing that he has to make sure they’re all safe.

(He doesn’t know what’s  _ happened _ and his men are in trouble and he’s in trouble and if he gives himself space to be, he’ll be terrified, so he chokes down his terror and exhaustion.)

Tuck is wavering, clearly on the edge of total panic, so Rex waves him over. “Tuck, look at Kix’s leg, see what you can do about it. Kix, for kriff’s sake just focus on Ahsoka.”

“I need his help with the Commander,” Kix says sharply and Rex shakes his head.

“You need to be able to walk and we don’t have  _ time _ to have you both focused on one person. Tuck, his leg. Now.”

Tuck obeys, even though Kix swears in Mando’a, tells him to stop, but Tuck has his orders and this once, Kix doesn’t outrank Tuck because now he’s injured too.

There’s suddenly a sound of a hitched breath and a soft whimper, and Rex turns, meets Tup’s bleary eyes. “I don’t know what- Captain, I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t, Tup,” Rex says, as gently as he can. “We know.” He gets up (and his head is  _ splitting _ ) and goes over, bending down to unlock Tup’s cuffs. He ignores Tup’s attempt at a protest, tosses the cuffs to one side. “Are you okay?” he asks. “We need to be able to move  _ fast _ .”

Tup glances at Fives and nods. “Yes, sir. What  _ happened? _ ”

Rex swallows, shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

He feels Ahsoka suddenly  _ aware _ and she reaches for him, desperate, and he quickly sends peace, soothing.  _ I’m sorry, I’m right here, Soka. _ She curls up in his mind, projecting relief and love.

Tuck finishes bandaging Kix’s leg and hands him some pain meds - Rex thinks the rookie has gotten a lot better at this lately. Then Tuck comes up to him, gives him a  _ sharp _ look.

“Sit the  _ kriff _ down, Captain,” he snaps, and Rex obeys, and that really does feel better. Tuck crouches next to him and starts examining his injury, fast, and it  _ hurts _ really and Rex decides he’d better mention that it’s hard for him to move his arm now.

Tuck glances at Kix when Rex explains that, suddenly at a loss, and Kix nods. “Bandage it, put his arm in a sling. We’ll have to look at that when we have more time and equipment.”

~~~

Kix is getting  _ really tired _ of this “let’s make Kix deal with the worst injuries  _ in the field with as little equipment as possible” _ thing, like,  _ really. _ Kriffing Rex, kriffing  _ Jedi, _ kriffing  _ himself, _ because he can’t just stay off his leg right now, as much as he’d like to. As much as he  _ wants _ to set a good example for his Jedi, he doesn’t think it’d work; one of them isn’t even  _ here _ right now,  _ thank you, _ General Skywalker, and the other is… well. Only nominally even  _ aware. _

“This is one of the times I  _ really _ wish I could do that Force healing thing,” he mutters under his breath, tying off the bandage around the blaster wound in Rex’s shoulder. Tuck’s busy working on knotting some bandages into a rough but usable sling, so Kix digs into his medpack and hands over some pain pills. “Here, take these.”

Rex dry-swallows the meds gratefully, says, “I bet General Kenobi would be willing to teach you.”

_ Kriff, _ no. “Are you  _ insane, vod?” _ Kix asks. “Are you  _ trying _ to get me kriffing terminated?”  _ Everyone _ knows that’s what happens to Force-sensitive  _ vod’e. _ He’s only survived this long by keeping his head down and  _ never ever using it. _

“Kenobi wouldn’t let that happen,” Tup says, though he’s still speaking softly, guiltily. “Wait, how could he teach you Force stuff?”

Kix grimaces, snaps out, “It doesn’t matter,” at the same time as Rex says, “He’s Force-sensitive.”

Tuck’s eyes go wide. “You  _ are?” _

Kriff, kriff,  _ kriff. _ This day keeps getting  _ better and better. _ “Does it really  _ matter?” _

There’s a long pause, and then: “I saw you save the Captain’s life,” Dogma says quietly, “and mine, too. So I guess not, but--you’re my  _ vod. _ I wouldn’t report you.” A pause. “None of us would.”

Something warm and oddly light blooms in his chest, and Kix swallows, looks away. “Yeah,” he finally says. “I am. But I’ve  _ never _ used it.” He  _ does _ have a survival instinct,  _ and _ common sense. Unlike most Jedi, it seems. Maybe that’s just a prerequisite of the Jedi, being  _ jareor. _ He probably wouldn’t fit in.

~~~

Jesse doesn't know where he  _ is _ . He's awake and he opens his eyes and it takes a moment to register Rex pacing up and down in front of him, his own arms cuffed behind his back, Kix on the ground with a bandaged leg, the Commander on the ground too.

When he  _ does _ remember, though, it  _ hurts _ and he closes his eyes, shakes his head.  _ What had he done? _ What's happening to him, to them?

“Jesse.” It's Kix, sounding relieved and worn out. His best friend. “Are you okay?”

“No,  _ vod _ ,” he manages, and Dogma walks over and takes off his cuffs, helps him to his feet. He'd called Kix a traitor, told him he was disgusted by him. And he'd let Dogma shoot him and he knows he almost killed Dogma. “I'm- Kriff, Kix, I'm sorry,” he snarls.

“It's okay,” Kix says, and it's not and Jesse is  _ angry _ . “I understand,  _ ori’vod. _ ”

Jesse swears and shakes his head. None of this is  _ right _ or  _ okay _ . His friend is  _ injured _ , badly, and Jesse knows he'd rather not ever have to fight but Kix had shot him. (Although maybe Kix has wanted to do that for a while, Jesse doesn't know, he can be insufferable occasionally.)

Rex stops pacing, grabs Jesse’s shoulder, and Jesse doesn't quite mean to but he strikes Rex’s hand away, steps back. His Captain barely blinks at that.

“You're going to carry Fives, Jesse,” he says. “Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Jesse says.

“Good, because we can't wait for him to wake up. We have to leave.” Rex points at Dogma, Tuck, and Tup. “Dogma, you can carry Ahsoka.You two, we're fighting. We need to get to a lab with scanning tech.”

Jesse meets Kix’s eyes, wants to offer to carry him but his best friend is already pushing himself to his feet. He  _ can't _ do that, but Kix gives him a  _ look _ , so fierce Jesse can't argue for once.

He goes to pick up Fives, feels a rush of anger about this, about whatever they  _ did _ .

_ Ni’duraa, aruetii! _

Kix has never disgusted him (except for when he talks about his work, for kriff’s sake), and he isn't a traitor. At least, not anymore than they all are now.

Rex picks up Ahsoka’s sabers off the floor, clips one to his pants - but holds the other out to Kix. “You should take this,” Rex says, and Jesse gapes despite himself.

He's teased Kix once or twice that he should be a Jedi, that he thinks Kix would be good with a saber, and Kix never finds it funny. Now the Captain is offering Kix a saber and Kix, of course, shakes his head. What surprises Jesse is how determinedly Rex offers, almost like he  _ knows _ .

~~~

It’s all Kix can do not to flinch away when Rex offers him the Commander’s lightsaber; as it is, he shakes his head, steps back a little. “I kriffing  _ can’t,” _ he says sharply. “No way.”

There’s  _ no kriffing way _ he’s touching that thing. He doesn’t  _ want _ to die.

“Look, Kix,” Rex says, “we need what you can do.” 

What he can do? Ha, what a laugh. He can’t do  _ anything, _ not for certain, and he’s never done it  _ on purpose _ before. “And what if I can’t, Captain? What then?” He lifts his chin, meets Rex’s eyes, challenging.

“Then we’ll deal with that. But we need you to at least  _ try.” _

Kriff. Kix looks over at Jesse, almost instinctively (doesn’t flinch away when he meets his gaze, even though he wants to, remembering  _ ni’duraa, aruetii!), _ because his  _ ori’vod _ is the only one who he’s ever  _ told _ and Jesse will know what to do. Jesse raises an eyebrow and Kix remembers all the times Jesse had teased him,  _ you’d be good with a ‘saber, Kix, you should run away and be a Jedi, _ though he’d never found it funny. If the longnecks had overheard, it would’ve meant termination for him, possibly reconditioning for Jesse. The fact that the clones can be Force-sensitive is something the Kaminoans never wanted to get out. Jesse nods, just a little.  _ Yes. _

Kix swears on a long exhale, reaches out and swipes the ‘saber from Rex’s hand, stares at the thing for a long second.  _ I’m not a soldier. _ Today he has to be, but this time he’ll fight  _ for _ his Jedi, not against her. “I don’t like this, Rex.”

“I know,” his Captain says.

He stares down at the ‘saber again (there’s something inside it singing, a humming well of  _ power _ and it calls to him), swallows, finds the button and ignites the blade. Silver. The blade  _ sings _ in his hands, the hilt vibrating with sheer  _ power, _ and he almost drops it out of reflex--but that  _ thing _ inside him, that whispers to him how his patients are feeling and where the pain is, that sixth sense he’s learned to rely on almost as much as his eyes and ears and what the scans tell him, it surges in response and he  _ swears, _ fumbles with the button and extinguishes the blade, finds Rex’s eyes in a panic. “I  _ can’t.” _

“Kix,” and that’s Jesse,  _ “vod, _ we’ll die before we let them take you.”

He swallows, shakes his head. “The Commander--”

“Says to tell you yes,” Rex says. “We have to  _ move, _ Kix.”

He’s shaking. He  _ can’t _ do this.

But he  _ has to. _

Kix drops his eyes to the ‘saber hilt in his hands, turns it over and over again, grateful that none of his brothers push him. He swallows again, stifles another protest. This is for his Jedi, who nearly killed herself to protect them, again and again and again, and he  _ knows _ she would give her life in a heartbeat for any of theirs. It’d never be an equal transaction. This is for his brothers, his  _ vod’e, _ who might just be about to be made into the unwilling executioners of their Jedi Generals, if this pattern holds true. (What triggered it? How?)

He straightens, stiffens his spine into durasteel, shoves his shoulders back, clenches his jaw against the pain in his leg. “Right. Let’s go, Captain.”

And he slips his finger over the button, bringing the glowing white lightsaber hissing to life in his hands.

This time, he doesn’t try to drop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
> _vod'e_ : brothers
> 
>  _cyare:_ beloved
> 
>  _Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, bal mhi me'dinui an.:_ We are one when together, we are one when parted, we share all. *Mandalorian marriage vows*
> 
>  _ret'urcye, ner'jetii:_ Goodbye (lit. maybe we will meet again), my Jedi.
> 
>  _ni kar'tayl gar darasuum:_ I love you (lit. I keep you in my heart forever.)
> 
>  _oya:_ a general exclamation, always positive
> 
>  _Ni'duraa, aruetii!:_ You disgust me, traitor!
> 
>  _jetii:_ Jedi
> 
>  _Haar'chak:_ Damn it
> 
>  _nayc:_ no
> 
>  _elek:_ yes
> 
>  _gedet'ye:_ please
> 
>  _beskar'gam:_ armor
> 
>  _hut'uun:_ coward 
> 
> _jareor:_ recklessly risk your life, act suicidally (negative connotation: foolish, not brave)
> 
>  _ori'vod:_ big brother, older brother, special friend


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello so this fic is now at 53k+ words, and is the longest fic in this series by over 10k words. that's a lot O.o so! chapter 4 is finished, and we're working on the epilogue now, so hopefully we should get this baby finished up pretty soon!!
> 
> the original clone character who shows up in this chapter belongs to BadWolfGirl01.

Rex spares a second to smile proudly at Kix, to put his hand on his  _ vod’s _ shoulder and press his forehead to Kix’s. “Thanks, Kix.”

Then he steps back, tightens his hand around his blaster, and looks over his squad. They're a wreck and Kix can barely stand and Dogma won't be able to fight because he's carrying Soka, and neither will Jesse until Fives wakes up, and Rex knows he himself is in danger of falling.

But this is  _ too kriffing important _ for them to fail. Whatever is  _ happening _ to them, Rex knows better than to think it's just his battalion - there's something wrong with all the  _ vod’e _ and it's in the nightmares.  _ Kill the Jedi because good soldiers follow orders _ .

“Kix, do you have any idea where there's a lab with scanners?” he asks, and Kix swallows, nods.

“Just… I think down the hall and around the corner,” he points with his free hand, swaying. Rex wishes he didn't have to ask Kix to do this but he doesn't have a better option right now.

“Okay. We need to do this  _ fast _ , and protect the wounded  _ first _ ,” he says, knows Kix can do that. His blood is rushing in his ears and he  _ wants _ to break down and hyperventilate and panic, but he won't, not yet. His men need him, Ahsoka needs him. He strides through them and feels, more than sees, them falling in behind him. Kix takes up position at his shoulder, holding Ahsoka’s saber in a white-knuckled grip in front of him.

_ Tell him he needs to relax and let the Force tell him what to do _ , Soka says in his thoughts.  _ He has to trust his instincts. _

Rex touches Kix on the shoulder again, knowing it will help ground him. “Kix, Ahsoka says you need to  _ relax _ . Breathe, listen to your gut. You know what to do.”

“I  _ don't, _ ” Kix says, an anxious growl to his words. “I'm not a Jedi just because I have- just because of the Force, Rex.”

“I'm not asking you to be a Jedi, Kix. But you're capable of this. We need you.  _ Gedet’ye, vod _ .”

Kix nods, and his death grip on the saber eases, just a little. That has to be good enough for now. Rex raises his blaster, hits the button for the door, watches it hiss open with a sense of heavy inevitability.

He can't do this. He's exhausted and injured and his head aches and everything that's  _ happened _ threatens to crash over him and overwhelm him.

But he has to do this, for them, so he forces steadiness into his hands and readies himself to  _ fight _ .

~~~

Kix takes a deep breath as the door opens, and for the first time ever he purposefully  _ reaches _ for the power in him, for the Force. Listen to his instincts, the Commander says. He can do that. He can--

_ If the Jedi find out the clones can be Force-sensitive, they’ll call you all traitors and  _ **_execute_ ** _ you. That is why it is your duty, as loyal cadets of the Republic, to report to your ‘toon leader if you see anything suspicious. _

He doesn’t want to be a traitor.  _ (Ni’duraa, aruetii!) _

But--but the Commander  _ knows, _ and she’s not calling him  _ aruetii, _ she’s not taking her ‘saber back (maybe that’s only because she  _ can’t, _ physically cannot, right now).

_ (I won’t report you, _ Dogma says.)

_ (You disgust me, traitor, _ Jesse hisses out.)

He’s shaking.

“Kix,” Rex murmurs, “I need to know that you can do this.”

“I--” and the words ball up in his throat, he  _ can’t, _ he isn’t a traitor,  _ good soldiers follow orders-- _ no, that’s wrong, wrong voice, and he redoubles his efforts at shielding. Breathe, in-two-three-four, hold-two-three-four, out-two-three-four, repeat.  _ Your duty as loyal cadets of the Republic to report anything suspicious. Clones can’t be Jedi. _ Clones can’t be Jedi. He  _ can’t. _ He--

_ I’m not asking you to be a Jedi, Kix. _

Breathe in, breathe out.

He feels the Force rushing through him, like he’s never felt it before, alive and real and  _ present, _ and it’s  _ easy _ to touch it, to ask for strength, to immerse himself in the ebb and flow of it, forget the pain. The lightsaber is  _ alive _ in his palms and something within him resonates with it, with the way the crystal sings.  _ Trust your instincts. _

He can do this.

He meets Rex’s eyes, nods once--he doesn’t quite think he can speak, right now, not with all this  _ power _ flowing through him.

The corridor is empty at first, but they barely get entirely out of the lab they’ve been holed up in before troopers show up, shinies with their armor still brilliant, blinding white, and for a moment the panic surges again-- _ your duty as loyal cadets of the Republic-- _ but  _ trust your gut, _ Rex says,  _ you know what to do. _

There’s  _ so many of them. _

He doesn’t know what he’s  _ doing, _ the lightsaber is strange and clumsy in his hands, and the blaster bolts come so  _ fast, _ out of nowhere, and how’s he supposed to  _ block _ them all? He manages to catch one or two on the white blade, but mostly by accident, slow and fumbling and a far cry from the graceful elegance of General Kenobi or the fierce beauty of Commander Tano or the easy confidence of General Skywalker, and he’s  _ going to fail. _

Clones can’t be Jedi.

“Kix,  _ please,” _ Rex says, staggering to one side to avoid blasterfire, nearly losing his balance.

_ Trust your gut, you know what to do. _

The Force is wild and feral and powerful, ancient, with a will and a knowledge far beyond his ability to comprehend; he doesn’t ask it for comprehension, just to  _ see. Let me see the blaster bolts in time to block them. _

_ Why? _ the great consciousness asks him, more an impression of a feeling than a word, heavy with the weight of eons.

_ Because I need to protect them. My family. My  _ vod’e.

The blasters fire again and his leg  _ screams _ but that doesn’t matter, because he can  _ see, _ he can  _ feel, _ and he  _ knows _ where the bolts are going to be and it’s just a simple matter of  _ moving-- _ he asks for more speed, more strength, more balance, has a sense he could simply  _ will it _ and the bolts would kill the brothers who fired them, but he doesn’t want that. They’re  _ vod’e, _ too. But maybe… and he tries it, just a bit of  _ will, _ and he has to  _ push _ more than he’d expected but he deflects a bolt back and it slams home into the blaster that’d fired it, ruining the blaster. His men are stunning the troopers as fast as they can, no time, no space, no energy to talk, but when he destroys the blaster someone (he thinks it’s Jesse) whoops and says, “Nice job,  _ vod!” _

He thinks that if the Force was a person, it would be  _ smiling. _

~~~

At first, Rex thinks Kix really won’t be able to do this, and they’ll have to face down all these troopers and try to break through their ranks without the protection of a saber, and he knows they’re in no shape to do that. He takes aim and fires as fast as he can at the shinies in their perfect armor, but they fire back and he’s  _ not going to be fast enough _ , not for long, and a slow soldier is a dead soldier.

“Kix,  _ please _ ,” he says, stumbles, swears silently. He feels Ahsoka shove strength at him and he just manages not to fall. If Kix can’t do this, his squad can’t, and that’s just the truth of it. If he has to, though, he’ll defend Kix with the rest of them.

He has to shoot better, faster, steadier than he ever has and he’s  _ trying _ , keeping one eye on Kix, and the medic wavers for a moment, and Rex twists out of the way of a blaster shot that almost takes Tup in the head except Tup  _ moves _ just in time and-

_ Look, Rex _ .

He spares another glance at Kix as he fires one, two, three, four times in succession at their opponents, and Kix looks like he’s done this his whole life, the saber humming in his hands, moving with the same precision and ease that he always has with his patients. He shifts just a little, flicks his wrist, and a blaster bolt deflects back into the weapon it was fired from and it  _ shatters _ . Jesse lets out a joyous yell and Rex can’t help but grin because  _ kriffing Kix  _ looks like a Jedi, he kriffing  _ did it _ .

Ahsoka feels almost as proud and excited as he does, and he falls back a little behind Kix, shoots over his medic’s shoulder. Kix seems to be growing in confidence, because he’s moving faster, more fluidly, but there’s no wasted movement - everything he does has a  _ purpose _ because he’s a surgeon first and a fighter second and he knows how to be efficient.

Rex thinks he’s putting more weight on his leg than he should, but he doesn’t have  _ time _ to worry about that because they’re still trying to not just  _ hold _ but advance down this corridor and he has to trust Kix to know if he’s overextending himself.

_ Rex, he needs to be careful _ , Ahsoka says, keeping her voice light in the back of his mind so she doesn’t distract him. Rex dives out of the way of a shot Kix misses, swears and catches himself on Dogma’s shoulder.

_ I know. _

_ You need to be careful _ , she adds, sharply, and he growls.

**_I know_ ** **.**

He glances at Jesse and he’s got his arm around Fives, holding him upright against him so he can stand with his blaster in one hand and shoot. “I think he’s waking up,  _ vod _ ,” Jesse calls, sparing Rex a brief grimace.

“As soon as he’s awake, get his binders off,” Rex answers. He needs Fives and his blaster, and this isn’t remotely good, but they have to  _ fight first _ and then he can try to help his friend.

“Yes, sir.”

Kix is  _ definitely _ putting too much weight on his leg now; he’s not moving  _ much _ but he is still putting weight on that foot to pivot and twist out of the way of blaster shots and he’s as confident with the saber as he’s ever been with a blaster or a needle or a roll of bandages. “Kix, watch yourself,” Rex calls, sharply. The last thing he needs is for his senior medic to push himself too hard and get hurt.

_ That’s not good, _ Ahsoka says, and he feels her concern digging into his thoughts enough to know this might be serious.

~~~

“Kix, watch yourself,” Rex says, but Kix can’t spare the  _ focus _ right now. He shuts down any and all extraneous thought processes, keeps his movement to the bare minimum necessary, like he’s in the middle of a tough surgery, Ahsoka’s lightsaber his scalpel. 

He doesn’t have  _ time _ to watch himself.

He almost misses a shot, has to  _ twist _ painfully on his bad leg to reach it in time, and he hisses through gritted teeth, pulls on the Force again, goes  _ deeper, _ muffles the pain. He can’t afford to feel it right now. 

They have to advance around the corner, get to one of the gene labs, which means they can’t just hold here and tire themselves out. They have to push  _ now, _ while they’re still…  _ kind of _ fresh. “We need to move  _ now,” _ he says sharply, almost an order (it’s instinct, take command, the Force hums through him and he feels its strength and power like a second layer of armor deep within his skin, wrapping around him like a cloak, and  _ now _ he understands why the Jedi are good leaders). He half-expects Rex to contradict him (which can’t happen, he  _ knows what he’s doing), _ but the Captain stays silent, and Kix takes that to mean he has permission.

Not that he was asking.

He starts advancing, pulls on a memory of General Skywalker wading through clankers like they’re  _ nothing, _ but he has to remind himself he  _ can’t kill his brothers, _ so he starts slashing blasters in half too, moving deeper--but not too far ahead, he has to be able to protect his  _ vod’e _ still. There are too many troopers in front of him,  _ he _ can move fast enough to disable their weapons but not if he stays back to protect his men, and they’ll have an opening to shoot if he moves now, and the panic is starting to set back in again (he can’t be a Jedi, he can’t do this) but the Force says  _ look, _ shows him Krell in the command center of the airbase on Umbara.

And he  _ understands. _

He  _ reaches, _ pulls on the power, drawing more into his veins, his muscles, giving him a burst of speed and strength, and he  _ twists _ and writhes between blaster bolts until he’s in the middle of a cluster of troopers (drawing their fire).

“Kix!” Rex  _ shouts _ it, but Kix  _ cannot listen. _

He pulls his ‘saber up, brings his hands together, concentrating,  _ please help me, _ feels the Force eagerly responding to his plea and filling him to the brim, so full he feels almost like he’s burning, heat and cold chasing each other around in his chest, and the troopers have just enough time to worry before he  _ pushes, _ shoving both his hands  _ out, _ and the Force ripples out of him and tosses the troopers to the ground like toy soldiers thrown down in a child’s fit of temper.

It’s the opening they need. 

Kix doesn’t waste time or energy checking on the downed troopers (he’s not a soldier he’s a medic but right now he has to fight), trusts his  _ vod’e _ to stun them; instead, he  _ runs, _ around the corner, his lightsaber glowing brightly silver in front of him. Dogma is right behind him with the Commander, and Jesse, and--is that Fives, awake and uncuffed?--but he ignores them, focuses on the squad of troopers skidding to a stop a meter or two away.

“You should go back,  _ vod’e,” _ he says, carefully, the words feeling strange and slow and clumsy in his mouth compared to the free-flowing images-emotions-sensations passing between him and the entity living just inside his skin.

“We have our orders,” the one in the lead, probably the squadron leader, says, shaking his head. “Sorry,  _ vod.” _

And he brings his blaster up to fire.

Before he can squeeze the trigger, Kix  _ moves, _ asks the Force for more speed, more strength (there’s a stab of pain from his leg and he  _ sinks deeper, _ because he can’t  _ deal with this _ right now), and he cuts the blaster in half, starts deflecting bolts back into the blasters that fired them again. There’s a lab just a few more meters down the hall, if they can get past this squad they’ll have a clear break to make it, and he reaches again, for  _ more, _ because he’s starting to shake and breathing is hard and he  _ hurts _ and he cannot afford to fall over yet--

_ Easy, little one, _ the Force hums in a series of impressions,  _ you are too deep, you are not ready for this, it will burn you up. _

Kix swears silently. He doesn’t have  _ time _ for this.  _ Can you protect me, please, I have to get my  _ vod’e _ to the lab up there-- _

_ I am what is burning you. _

Not kriffing good.

_ Well, I can’t let go yet, _ he snaps back, frustrated and scared and hurting,  _ not until they’re safe, _ and he keeps reaching for  _ more strength, more speed, _ blocking blasterfire and falling into an almost hypnotic movement, a bit of a haze, everything a blur as the Force flows through him, directing his motions--

And suddenly, there’s no more blasterfire, and Kix blinks in confusion--when did the troopers stop coming? 

_ No more, _ the Force tells him, stern and firm and yet almost  _ warmly, _ comforting, and as suddenly as the power had come to him it withdraws. Not fully, but he has to half-run, half-stagger to the door to the gene lab and  _ beg _ the Force to unlock the door for him because he’s suddenly hovering on the edge of collapse and he  _ can’t do this, _ he’s got to get this  _ kriffing door open, please, _ and there’s something like a  _ sigh _ and the Force says  _ very well _ and the electric lock beeps and the light goes green and the door opens.

Kix almost falls inside, catches himself on a handy table, manages to get his lightsaber off and clipped to his belt, and then it’s like a switch has been flipped: everything all comes back at once, and he almost  _ screams _ as his leg erupts in  _ agony _ worse than anything he’s ever felt before, and  _ shavit _ he’s  _ kriffed, _ he’s not going to be able to  _ stand _ now, he--he--he

hurts. 

His legs turn to water beneath him, knees buckling, and the last thing he feels is strong arms around him (someone’s swearing roughly), catching him before he hits the ground.

~~~

Fives wakes up to  _ chaos _ . His head hurts so bad that he  _ cannot _ focus his eyes on anything at all and the sound of blasterfire rings in his ears, makes him wince.  _ Where is he, _ what’s happening, why are his hands cuffed behind him - is this  _ Jesse? _

“Good,  _ vod _ , you’re awake.” Jesse grabs his arms and Fives feels the cuffs open and that’s good. He doesn’t know why they were there in the first place, he-

Oh,  _ gods _ . He stumbles a little and Jesse props him up, pulls his blaster out of Fives’ own holster and hands it to him. “We need you to help fight,  _ vod _ ,” and Jesse sounds sorry and tired.

_ Oh gods _ . He doesn’t want his blaster, he almost drops it, and he pushes past his headache to look around at his squad, searching frantically for Rex because he remembers  _ shooting him _ and he  _ knows _ his aim was good, knows he was going to  _ kill him _ \- but thank  _ kriff _ Rex is standing with one of his blasters, one arm in a sling, and that’s not  _ much  _ better but relief hits like a tank and he chokes on a sob.

What the hell had he  _ done? _ He listens to Jesse, curls his hand around his blaster and raises it so he doesn’t let his  _ vod’e _ down but it doesn’t feel  _ safe _ and Ahsoka is hanging limp in Dogma’s arms and  _ Kix _ has one of her sabers and that’s not good, not good, what if she’s  _ dead _ and he killed her (and he knows he didn’t but everything hurts and he can’t focus and he just remembers  _ Kill the Jedi _ ) and he knows he almost killed Rex, twice - his Captain, his  _ vod _ , and he can’t  _ breathe _ .

“You have to  _ fight _ , Fives, come on,” and he realizes he hasn’t taken a single shot but his kriffing hands won’t stop shaking. He’d tried to kill his  _ Commander _ and all he’d been able to think was  _ good soldiers follow orders _ , but since when has that  _ mattered _ to him?  _ “Orders are just orders, vod. They aren’t always right, and if you can get the job done better or the job isn’t right, then kriff orders.” _ He’d questioned once whether Rex’s commitment to the chain of command, to honor, was really his own choice or whether it was engineering, and he’d thought as he did that he knew he was more than a number, more than orders and laboratory experiments.

But  _ good soldiers follow orders _ and he hadn’t even tried not to listen and his squad is a  _ wreck _ and they’re going to die here and he- and he knows if he doesn’t focus and  _ fight _ , right  _ now _ , then  _ he’ll _ die, so he pulls the trigger even though his fingers still shake, takes aim at their opponents and stays close to Jesse.

Kix is a  _ whirlwind _ of sharp, precise movements and he has a saber and Fives remembers his blaster arm yanked to the side, totally out of his control (and  _ gods _ he’d been going to  _ kill his Captain _ ), and it suddenly makes  _ sense _ as Kix wades into the middle of their  _ vod’e _ , saber a blur, and Rex is  _ yelling at him _ , Fives doesn’t know why.

Their opponents are thrown back in a ring, so forcefully that all Fives can remember is  _ Krell _ and he stares because it’s kriffing  _ Kix _ , hands outstretched, eyes fierce. Fives shoots at the downed troopers because part of him knows if he doesn’t, they’ll just get up and come after them and he’s unfocused enough that he doesn’t remember where they’re going or what they’re trying to do but they have to follow Kix and Rex.

It’s all  _ quiet  _ except for their own blasters for just a moment, and the quiet reminds Fives that his head  _ hurts _ , but then he hears booted feet running and they round a corner to come face to face with another squad. The squad leader looks wary and Fives raises his blaster to shoot him, the rest of his squad does the same, but Kix speaks and forestalls them. Fives knows Kix, knows how much authority the medic’s voice can hold when he’s trying to get them to  _ kriffing stay still _ , but this is something else entirely. “You should go back,  _ vod’e,” _ he says, and Fives finds himself lowering his blaster, listening, because he has to do as Kix  _ says _ , but he knows that feeling, knows a Jedi’s influence, and manages to stay put. The other squad shifts, but they don’t move either, and the squad leader shakes his head like he’s trying to rid himself of something.

“We have our orders,”  _ and good soldiers follow orders _ . “Sorry  _ vod _ .”

Fives is going to be  _ sick _ .

And Kix leaps into motion like he’s done this his whole life, with as much power and far more precision than General Skywalker, and it’s  _ magnificent _ and terrifying and Fives can’t do anything but follow with the rest of his men, keep his blaster up and firing, but Kix almost doesn’t need them. He slices through blasters and deflects their bolts without pausing, smooth and sharp and  _ perfect _ .

If Fives weren’t so  _ lost _ he’d be cheering.

He doesn’t think the medic realizes when they manage to subdue their opponents, at least not right away, because Kix twirls his saber fiercely and Fives wants to point out that for now at least they’re free to, to- right, to get to the lab. They were going to scan Rex for a chip or, or kriffing  _ something _ like that.

Kix is suddenly reeling like he’s  _ drunk _ and that’s not good, is he injured, what’s  _ happening _ \- but Kix stumbles to one of the doors in the hall, fumbles at the keypad, and Rex hurries up behind him to stand at his shoulder. “Kix, hey, slow down, it’s okay. Someone else can-”

The light on the keypad goes green and the door hisses open, and Rex turns to gesture them into the lab and Fives looks down, fast, wishes Rex just wouldn’t  _ look at him _ .

They all pile into the lab and Fives notices a shiny kind of hovering behind Tup, but he doesn’t say anything because Rex is busy  _ (and he doesn’t want Rex to notice him) _ catching Kix, tugging the medic against his chest and holding him up, hand soothing over the medic’s shoulder blade. Rex is in no shape to be supporting  _ anyone _ since Fives shot him, but Kix is crying softly and somebody had to catch him.

Dogma sits down on the floor, holding Ahsoka, and the rest of their little squad drops too, like someone’s cut their supports.

Fives doesn’t want to look at any of them.

~~~

CT-8493, known to his squad as Brii, shifts awkwardly just inside the door of the gene lab and tries to figure out what to do.

He’d been in the first squad that’d attacked, and so he’d gotten stunned pretty early on, but that means he’s been awake for a couple minutes now, long enough to watch some of the end of the fight. And he’d seen how even the trooper with the lightsaber, the one with the medic insignia on his shoulder, didn’t  _ kill; _ all their blasters were set to stun and all the medic did was deflect blaster bolts and knock troopers out and cut weapons in half. It doesn’t make  _ sense. _ When your opponent is shooting to kill, you have to shoot to kill too; tactically, that’s the only sound decision. Shooting to stun, to incapacitate, is  _ limiting. _

And they’re all wounded (what the  _ kriff _ happened to them?) and tired and one of them is just in blacks, barefoot and with one arm in a sling, and another one is carrying their Jedi in his arms. There’s a bandage around the orange-skinned Togruta woman’s arm, but other than that she’s uninjured, so Brii doesn’t quite know what’s wrong.

All he knows is the longnecks, the Kaminoans, ordered his squadron to  _ shoot to kill, _ and  _ good soldiers follow orders _ so he is but--but that’s a  _ Jedi _ and those are his  _ vod’e _ even though he doesn’t know them, and… and they aren’t  _ killing. _ They aren’t killing  _ vod’e _ even though it would make everything  _ easier _ for them and he doesn’t  _ understand _ but he doesn’t want to kill his brothers.

He wakes up before the rest of his squad, slips around the corner (so many  _ vod’e _ on the ground, but they’re all just unconscious, just stunned, not a single one really even  _ injured), _ watches as the medic with the lightsaber suddenly seems to just run out of energy, sagging against the wall by the keypad locking the door to the lab, and then he does--something, apparently, and the door opens and they start filing inside and before Brii can really think about what he’s doing he’s following them.

They don’t notice him at first.

“What the  _ kriff, _ Kix!” The other medic, the one without a lightsaber, sounds angry and panicked. “Captain, lay him down, I’ve got to check his leg--kriffing  _ idiot, _ what the kriff was he  _ thinking,” _ and he trails off, kneeling by the barely-conscious medic.

The one in bare feet and blacks must be the Captain, then.

“And someone should tell Fives what’s going on,” the conscious medic continues, “he’s probably  _ really confused _ right now.”

And then a very very quiet voice, weak and a bit shaky and hoarse, says, “What’s your name, trooper?”

The entire little squad turns to the Jedi where she’s cradled in a trooper’s lap, and the Captain hurries over to her, kneels down. “‘Soka, do you know where you are?”

“I’m talking to the shiny,” she mumbles, and they  _ still _ don’t seem to understand.

“Um, CT-8493, I’m called Brii,” Brii says, a bit self-conscious, shifting his weight. “Uh, it’s short for  _ briikase. _ In case you, wanted to know?” He cringes. No, they didn’t want to know,  _ idiot. _

He jumps as multiple blasters are suddenly pointed at him, and even though he knows they’re set to stun he still feels a rush of fear, and he throws his hands up. Quickly. “Who the kriff are you?” another trooper growls--it’s the one who’d been supporting the one they call Fives, when Fives was cuffed and unconscious. (What the  _ kriff _ happened to them?) “And what are you  _ doing _ here?”

That’s a really good question, actually. “I--don’t know?” he hazards, shifts a little. “I just… didn’t want to kill  _ vod’e, _ and you have a Jedi with you. We aren’t supposed to fire on the Generals.”

“Stand down, Jesse,” the Jedi says again, and she pushes herself out of the trooper’s lap and sits up on the floor. The medic  _ glares _ at her, but she ignores him, ignores the way the Captain tenses too. “I’m not going to stand up, relax, Tuck. I--I don’t think I  _ can.” _ That must be a big admission for her, because her shoulders curve inward a little. The Captain puts his good hand, the one not in a sling, around her shoulder and she leans into him.

“Are you sure, Commander?” Jesse asks, not lowering his blaster. “What if he goes insane too? Kriff, you should keep us all in binders, we really  _ will _ kill you if it happens again. You can’t fight.”

“You mean the nightmares?” Brii blurts out, horrified, because that’s  _ awful _ and how could they? “You mean it--you  _ listened to them?” _

“We didn’t exactly have a  _ choice,” _ Jesse snarls back, but his hand is shaking around his blaster. “What would you care, anyway? You’re just a shiny, you don’t  _ know the Jedi.” _

Brii shrugs, because that’s true, in a way. “Master Tii oversaw my training, though,” he says, “and she treats us like--like  _ people, _ not like objects, like things to be thrown away when we  _ break, _ and she doesn’t like it when the longnecks want to have us reconditioned.”

“Stand down, Jesse,” the Captain says, and his voice is low but deadly. “That’s  _ enough.” _

There’s a moment of silence, and then the blasters disappear as quickly as they’d appeared in the first place, and Jesse turns away. “I need a stim shot, Tuck,” the Jedi says, and the functional medic--Tuck--swears.

“No you kriffing  _ don’t, _ Commander,” he spits out. “You need  _ sleep _ and bacta for your arm and I don’t even know what to do for Force burn, kriffing Kix--”

And maybe it’s the word  _ Force, _ but Brii has an idea. “I have Master Tii’s personal comm frequency?” he offers hesitantly, but the Jedi shakes her head.

“Anakin is on his way--General Skywalker,” she clarifies, and Brii’s eyes go wide because  _ no kriffing way. _

“You’re  _ 501st?” _ he breathes out, and pulls off his bucket, and he shouldn’t be grinning but-- “So you’re  _ Captain Rex, _ little gods, sir, you’re the best captain out there, you stood up for your troopers on Umbara and--kriff, sirs, the 501st is the best battalion  _ out there!” _ He’s kriffing  _ talking _ to kriffing  _ Commander Tano _ and  _ Captain Rex _ and-- “And we hear stories about you, ARC-trooper Fives, sir, my entire batch wants to meet you.”

~~~

Rex has no  _ idea _ how he’s expected to respond to this shiny’s sudden and effusive admiration. Brii, short for  _ briikase _ ,  _ happy _ . Unbelievable. And he isn’t even wearing  _ kriffing shoes _ .

“Thanks,” he says, awkwardly, and glances at Fives.

Fives who looks like he’s been shot between the eyes and who won’t look at Brii at all.

Rex swallows, frowns. Now isn’t the time for this at all - Fives needs him, but he can’t let go of Ahsoka and Kix is in bad shape too and Tuck is  _ way  _ out of his depth and they’re all just barely clinging to sanity.

“Not now, Brii,” he says, quietly, and the shiny goes silent, although there’s still such  _ excitement _ in his eyes. He’s definitely never seen a real battle and Rex doesn’t think he understands what he’s seeing now.

_ Soka, I need to check on Fives, _ he says, because his friend is staring at the floor and shaking and Rex knows this is a  _ nightmare _ for him.  _ I’m going to have Tuck sit with you, okay? _ He thinks if he just gets up she’ll panic.

There’s a vague sort of agreement, and Rex waves Tuck over. “Take a look at her. And give her the kriffing stim shot, Tuck, we don’t have time for better.” The assistant medic swears, but he sits down by Ahsoka and takes her arm, digs into his medpac.

Rex gets up (and  _ kriff _ he wishes the world would stop  _ spinning _ and he stumbles, almost falls) and starts towards Fives when suddenly Brii is there, pulling Rex’s arm over his shoulders and Rex doesn’t want to lean on him as much as he does but he’s  _ exhausted _ .

Fives glances up for a second, meets Rex’s eyes but immediately looks away again. Still, Rex saw enough to understand what’s going on and he stops next to Fives, gently pushes Brii away, and sits down on the floor next to his friend.

“Rex, don’t,” Fives says heavily, rubbing his head. “I don’t want to do this right now.”

“Well, good timing isn’t a luxury we have right now,” Rex answers, and although it feels too vulnerable with Ahsoka here, he puts an arm around Fives and pulls him close, ignores his resistance. “I'm fine, Fives.”

~~~

Ahsoka hisses as the stim enters her bloodstream, sending a wave of adrenaline flooding her system, and closes her eyes, waiting it out. It takes a long moment for the original rush of jitters and trembling to fade, but when it does she thinks she might even be able to stand up. She doesn’t try yet, though, senses that would probably be a  _ bad idea. _

Anakin is still far enough away that it  _ hurts _ her to try and reach through the bond, and she swallows hard, because she has a feeling the only way they’re going to get off this stupid kriffing planet is if her Master makes it before they get killed--and she allows herself to think that for a moment, and then she pushes the thought away, because it’s not  _ helpful _ right now. “Tuck,” she says calmly, and the assistant medic looks at her, “I need you to prep for the bioscan. You know what Kix was going to do, right?”

Tuck nods, although he looks  _ unsure. _ “Yes, sir,” he says, and he pushes himself to his feet and makes his way over to the operating table in the middle of the room.

Okay, that’s being taken care of, and Rex is sitting with Fives,  _ hopefully _ trying to  fix that, so… what’s next, she has to focus, she has to  _ plan _ or she’ll shatter--the shiny. Brii. “Brii,” she calls, and the shiny trots over to her like an eager puppy, his eyes wide, oddly  _ young-- _ and she thinks maybe he’s only  _ just _ been brought into the GAR. “Go ahead, sit down,” and she indicates the floor.

Brii does, hesitates, then quietly asks, “What happened, sir? I don’t--it’s not good, is it?” He cringes, then, rushes to add, “I mean, you don’t have to tell me, I understand if you don’t trust me, I wouldn’t trust me either--actually,” and he scowls a little, the expression somehow looking  _ wrong _ on his face, “I probably would, I’m not a very good trooper--”

“Brii,” she says again, and he closes his mouth abruptly, hard enough she hears his teeth click together. “Breathe. It’s alright. I was wondering if you could do something for me, trooper?”

“Yes, sir! Anything, sir, I might just be a shiny, and I’m kinda useless, but I can--run errands,” and his smile dims a bit, but he jumps to his feet. “What can I do?”

“Do you know if there’s a storage room somewhere where the Kaminoans put the armor and weapons of the troopers they’re having reconditioned?”

Brii nods. “Yes, sir. Usually the longnecks--er, I mean the Kaminoans--scrub the armor once the procedure is done and then reuse it, but with all the commotion I bet they haven’t yet. It’s not a high priority.”

“I need you to find Captain Rex’s armor and a pair of DC-17 pistols,” Ahsoka says, tries to keep her voice soft. “And hurry, reinforcements will be arriving soon and I’m not sure we can help you if you get stuck out there.”

Brii smiles brightly, salutes. “Yes, sir! I’ll be right back, sir,” and he turns and hurries out the door.

He’s gone, but she finds herself thinking about his question: what  _ happened? _ Ahsoka thinks back, concentrates--she’d been talking, explaining how the shatterpoint felt, and then her men had just…  _ frozen. _ It doesn’t make sense--

_ And somebody else said, the time has come, execute order sixty-six. _

Oh,  _ kriff. _

Tuck is  _ really _ going to hate her for this, and so will Kix, later, but she doesn’t have a  _ choice; _ she uses Dogma’s shoulder to push herself clumsily to her feet, swaying dizzily, almost falling. “Commander, sit the  _ kriff down!” _ Tuck yelps, and he sounds less authoritative and more  _ terrified, _ but she ignores him.

Instead, she staggers across the room to Kix, sinks back down to the floor in a graceless, more-or-less controlled collapse, and digs in his medpack for a stim shot.

This is  _ such a bad idea, _ but she needs his help.

She fumbles with the stim, pulls the sleeve of Kix’s blacks up--Tuck has already removed his armor, to make doctoring him easier--and injects the stim into his upper arm before Tuck can figure out what she’s doing. “Kriff, Commander Tano, what are you  _ doing--” _

Kix opens his eyes and  _ swears. _ His voice is weak and thready but  _ here, _ and he’s awake. “All due respect, sir, this is a  _ terrible  _ idea-- _ ow,” _ and he closes his eyes again.

“Desperate times, desperate measures,” Ahsoka says softly, her own voice hoarse, wincing commiseratingly--she knows how intense the pain must be, right now. “First: you almost  _ killed yourself, _ you went so deep into the Force, you can’t just  _ do that _ unless you know what you’re  _ doing,” _ and he has the grace to at least look sheepish.

“Did you wake me up just to yell at me?” he grumbles, almost petulant, and she can’t help but smile.

“No, actually--I think the… I think you started acting the way you did--I think there was an auditory trigger,” and her head hurts  _ way _ too much for this and she just wants to curl up with Rex and sleep and not have to worry about reconditioning or  _ good soldiers follow orders _ or  _ kill the Jedi _ or anything else, but she has a duty to protect her men and she  _ has _ to figure this out and she doesn’t know when her Master will get here, if ever, and the Force has deserted her for now.

She’s  _ alone. _

~~~

Rex’s arms around him help, but Fives still feels too  _ sick _ to want them. It's not  _ fine _ , Rex isn't fine. Fives  _ shot _ him and he'd attacked his Jedi and his men and given them terrible orders.

“Let  _ go _ of me, Rex,” he says quietly, and when his Captain doesn't right away, shoves him back. “I mean it, back off.”

Rex does, leans away. “I knew you were going to shoot me, Fives. It was my own fault.”

“I shouldn't have been  _ trying _ , sir,” Fives says, clenching his fists. “I don't know why I did it.”

“None of us do, Fives,” Rex says. He looks so earnest and sure, even though there's exhaustion and pain behind his eyes also.

“You and Kix didn't listen - kriffing  _ Dogma _ broke out of it!” Fives doesn't know how to explain how that feels, that  _ Dogma _ could disobey orders but he'd kept trying to kill his  _ vod’e _ just because  _ good soldiers follow orders.  _ “Rex, I… I thought I was  _ better _ than that.” It's so prideful of him, maybe, but he has always felt like he is a little freer than many of his  _ vod’e _ .

“Well, I had Ahsoka in my head to pull me out of it,” Rex says. “And Kix is Force sensitive, apparently.”

“Well  _ kriff _ ,” Fives breathes. No wonder Kix is always so  _ insufferable _ . He's like half a Jedi.

That doesn't help though, doesn't explain Dogma, doesn't make it easier to know that he'd almost  _ killed his Captain _ , the one person who's always protected him.

“But  _ why? _ Why did that happen, Captain?” he asks, and Rex fits his good arm around him again.

“We don't know,” and he sighs, shakes his head. “You know I forgive you, Fives.”

“Yeah,” Fives says. He does know, but it helps to hear. “That doesn't make it okay.”

“I know.” Rex does know, that's the thing. Fives knows his  _ vod _ knows better than anyone.

~~~

Kix levers himself to a sitting position, despite Tuck’s glare, which is promising  _ dire things _ if he doesn’t  _ lay back down right now. _

But this is  _ important. _

He thinks back to the last words Ahsoka had said before this whole nightmare began.  _ The time has come, execute Order Sixty-Six. _ She hadn’t emphasized the last three words, but they feel like they should be. “An auditory trigger makes sense,” he says, nods quietly. “The--Order Sixty-Six, that sounds like a military protocol,” and he tenses but the voice doesn’t come back and no one else moves, so.  “But I’ve never heard of it before.”

And then the door hisses open and a shiny in pure white armor comes back in, his arms full of familiar armor painted in 501st blue, Rex’s helmet upside-down under one arm. The shiny sets Rex’s armor and helmet down, pulls a jar out of the helmet, comes over to Kix and sits down, pulling his own helmet off. “What’s the jar?” Ahsoka asks.

The shiny fidgets, looks hesitant. “Well, since this is the medical wing, and you have wounded, I thought you might need some bacta. So I took some.”

Bacta? Kix doesn’t know who this shiny is, but he loves the kid. “Tuck, stop glaring at me and get some bacta on the Captain’s shoulder.”

“Actually, sir, I’m putting it on your leg first, since you decided to  _ fight on it,” _ and Tuck just glares harder. “Why the kriff are you sitting up?”

Good question, because Kix is pretty sure sitting up hurts a hell of a lot more than laying down, but he’s hurting so much at this point that he almost can’t even feel it anymore. “It isn’t because I enjoy getting yelled at by my  _ assistant,” _ he snarks. “I need to run that scan on the Captain, I think I know what I’m--” and he cuts off because he was  _ wrong, _ he can  _ definitely _ feel it as Tuck unwraps the bandages and starts cleaning the blaster wound and applying bacta.  _ “Shavit,” _ he swears, lets out a strangled burst of Mando’a and  _ breathes _ through teeth clenched so tightly his jaw aches.

He’d  _ much rather _ be unconscious.

“First thing we’re doing when we get off this karking planet is teaching you better shielding,” Ahsoka mutters through gritted teeth. 

“I  _ know _ how to--ah--shield,” he snaps, rides another wave of pain. This really  _ hurts. _

“Not well enough!”

“You are  _ not _ standing up and running scans, Kix,” Tuck says. “You can tell me what to do and I’ll do it, but you aren’t allowed to walk on this leg.”

And kriff, that’s not  _ fair, _ because he can’t even  _ argue _ with how much his leg hurts right now. “Kriff you,” he growls.

Finally, Tuck finishes and stands to go work on Rex, and Kix heaves out a breath. “I need to do a molecular-level bioscan,” he says loudly enough for Tuck to hear him--there’s a high likelihood that the chip Rex had heard his doctors talking about  _ is, _ in fact, an inhibitor chip, and it would make sense for the chip to be implanted in such a way that when triggered, it could take over, causing Rex to react to the trigger so completely and turn on his Jedi--

And then it hits him, and he feels the Force nudging him towards this conclusion (to think, he’s kept this part of himself walled off for so long--how much  _ help _ it could’ve been in a fight): they’d  _ all _ reacted. Which means…

“We all have chips,” he whispers, horrified. “All of us,” and it’s an easy leap to the next sickening realization. “We weren’t created to fight a war for the Jedi--we’re their executioners, and they’ll never even  _ know!” _

~~~

They all hear Kix, it's quiet enough, and Rex can't even… process that, for a moment.

This, then, is the mission in their nightmares, the thing they don't talk about, the reason every night is the horror of killing their Jedi and they've never known  _ why _ . Rex pushes himself to his feet, offers a hand up to Fives, and Tuck gives him a sharp look that Rex is getting all too used to.

The one thing Rex has always counted on, since he was cadet, even now that he shares a bond with Ahsoka, is the sanctity of his own thoughts. His mind was his, and his only, and they taught him to shield it and he and all his  _ vod’e _ trusted that if they had nothing else, really, they had safety in their choices and thoughts. Privacy, individuality, at least some freedom.

If Kix is right, they don't even have  _ that _ .

“What do you mean, their kriffing  _ executioners? _ ” Jesse snarls, and Kix shakes his head.

“I don't know but, well, with what happened, and Commander Tano wanting to investigate the chip, and the nightmares, I think… I think we're supposed to kill the Jedi.”

The voice in the nightmares.

_ Why? _ How?

“What the  _ kriff? _ ” It's the shiny, Brii, looking out of his depth and panicked. It's something else to focus on besides  _ kill the Jedi _ and the horrible possibility that the clones are far more slaves than Rex had even thought. “We can't, why would that be… We can't do that!”

Rex walks over to him, pats him on the shoulder. “We  _ can _ ,” he says, because that's the real danger of this, that his  _ vod’e  _ could do this, could execute the Jedi. “Which is why we have to make sure we figure this out. Thanks for bringing me my armor,  _ vod _ .”

Brii nods, and the poor kid is shivering. “You’re welcome, sir.”

Rex glances at Ahsoka, remembers Fives setting a blaster in his hand and the horrible  _ clarity _ of it, of knowing it was his job to kill her. It’s difficult not to feel guilty. “Run that scan,” he says, eyes flicking briefly back to Tuck, and the assistant medic nods, squaring his jaw. They’ll probably need to promote him if they make it out of this mission.

If anything’s ever the same again.

_ Cyare,  _ he thinks, and Ahsoka gives him a quizzical look.

_ What? _

He’s not even sure, he just… she’s thinking again, and it’s a relief, and he’s so  _ tired _ .  _ We’ll figure this out _ .

_ I know _ . She sends him gentle reassurance, understanding, comfort, and he doesn’t want it because he’s suddenly aware of how much he  _ needs it _ but he doesn’t have time right now, to think about how terrified he is.

He wants his armor back, but if they’re going to run a bioscan it would be in the way, so he crosses his arms, meets Tuck’s eyes. “Can you do this?”

Tuck shifts and the skin around his eyes tightens, but he nods firmly. “Yes sir.”

Yeah, he’s definitely earned a promotion. “Good. Kix, don’t you kriffing  _ dare _ move. Talk to Brii, I don’t care, just  _ rest _ .”

“You’re one to talk,” Kix mutters, and Rex feels a surge of amusement from Ahsoka. He wishes he felt more amused but right now his heartbeat is a steady pulse of anxiety and he knows it’s just a bioscan, just laying still and waiting for results, but… the results are the part he doesn’t want, really.

He wants to go  _ home _ .

~~~

There's too much going on in his mind right now for Kix to just _ rest,  _ so he hesitantly looks over at the shiny. The poor kid looks _ terrified _ and come to think of it Kix isn't even sure where he came from, but he's _ young _ and from the brightness of his armor he's probably never been in a fight before. 

“So where did you come from?” Kix asks, and it takes the shiny, Brii, a moment to realize Kix is talking to him.

“Me, sir? I sort of just followed you in here,” he admits sheepishly. “I didn't want to kill brothers. But if I'd known you're  _ 501st _ I never would've even _ tried,  _ everybody knows you're the best, and you have a _ lightsaber,  _ sir, that's so _ cool--” _

“Brii,” Kix says, blinking, because _ kriff _ the kid can talk, “you don't have to call me sir.”

“But, sir, I've never even been off Kamino, and you're _ 501st--” _

“You'll be off this rock soon enough,” Kix says, doesn't say _ either that or dead,  _ because something about the kid makes him want to _ protect _ Brii, keep that almost-childlike innocence intact for as long as possible.

“How do you know, sir?”

Kix hesitates, because _ really _ this isn't his place, and he doesn't even _ know _ the shiny, there's no _ reason _ for this, but--and Ahsoka makes the decision for him, says, “The _ Resolute _ is on its way with the rest of the battalion, so we just have to hold out until then.”

Brii’s eyes get wide, and again Kix is struck by how much the shiny looks  _ young. _ “General Skywalker is coming  _ here?” _

“Didn’t you hear that earlier?” Kix asks, amused despite himself.

The shiny nods, but he’s still staring at Ahsoka, almost  _ starstruck. _ “Will--can I-- _ meet _ him?”

Ahsoka laughs, faintly. “Of course you will. He’s going to be your General, you’ll have to talk to him.”

Maybe this was an okay idea after all, Kix thinks, smiling at the awe on Brii’s face. “My--General, sir?” He just  _ stares, _ for a minute, and then he clears his throat. “I mean, of course, sir. Commander.”

“Kix,” Tuck calls, and the medic looks away from the shiny, over to the operating table. “There’s some kind of organic biochip for sure, sir. What should I do?”

Kix hesitates, but the Force is insistent, and he nods. “Remove it, Tuck. We’ll run some scans on the chip itself, see if we can figure out what the  _ kriff _ it’s for.” That’s just a--courtesy, almost, at this point, confirmation of what Kix already knows is true, deep in his bones.

“What if something happens when we remove it?” Tuck asks, and his voice is steady and so are his hands but his eyes are so  _ scared. _

And Kix realizes, then, that he’s  _ tired. _ Not physically exhausted, although he  _ is _ that; he’s almost  _ war-weary, _ tired of finding out he’s just a pawn in a game he can’t even  _ comprehend. _ But the galaxy doesn’t stop for one single clone trooper, and so he sighs, closes his eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath. “Then we deal with that when it happens. Although--maybe you shouldn’t be the first one, Captain.”  _ In case it goes wrong _ is left unsaid.

“I’ll do it,” Dogma says quietly, standing up.

~~~

“No, you kriffing  _ won’t _ ,” Rex growls, starting to sit up although he’d much rather just stay lying down and go to sleep and not have to  _ think _ . Tuck holds him down with one hand on his chest, clearly  _ sick _ of him being careless.

“Sir, all due respect, but they need you more than they need me,” Dogma says, and Rex scowls, swats at Tuck’s hand. “And I want these orders out of my head.”

_ You’re not going first _ , Ahsoka thinks, fiercely, and Rex scowls because if anyone is going to risk their life and their sanity it should be him because he’s their  _ Captain _ .

_ Ahsoka, I’m not letting him take this risk, _ he thinks, meeting her eyes.

_ And I’m not letting you. If that chip does something to your mind, our thoughts are connected, Rex _ . Kriff her, she’s right.  _ And I’ve already almost lost you twice today and I’m tired of it _ .

“Kriffing  _ fine _ ,” he snarls, and Dogma squares his shoulders, nods.

“I want to run a scan for his chip before I go cutting into his head,” Tuck says, and Dogma smiles grimly.

“You better,” Kix says, and Tup comes over to help Dogma lift Rex off the table because apparently he’s not allowed to just  _ move himself _ , for kriff’s sake. He shrugs away their support, walks himself over to Ahsoka and Kix and struggles to just sit down rather than collapsing in an undignified heap. He wishes Brii would stop staring at him - this would all be much less humiliating if there wasn’t some overly-friendly shiny looking at him like he’s something  _ impressive _ .

_ You are, you know, _ Ahsoka thinks, and he glances over at her, projecting tired disbelief.

_ Soka, I am about to pass out, I can’t move my right arm, and I don’t kriffing have shoes. _ He’s trying to be funny but it just feels a little flat.

_ Well you know,  _ cyare _ , Brii did bring back your armor. _

He doesn’t have the  _ energy _ to put his armor on but he wants it, wants to feel safe again, and surely now it’s alright to put it back on. Still, it’s  _ far _ and he can’t quite reach the armor and there would be straps to do up.

But he needs it, needs to stop feeling weak and useless and tired, so he gestures at the pile of armor that’s still next to Brii. “Pass that here, would you?”

Brii nods quickly, picks up his bucket and hands it over first. Rex accepts it gratefully, although he doesn’t want to put it on just now.

“Um, sir,” Brii says, as he shoves over the rest of the piled armor. “How did you get the jaig eyes?”

Rex huffs quietly and shakes his head, starting to pull on his boots. “Now’s not the best time for that story, kid. Later, maybe.”

_ Oh, come on, Rex, look at him. Just tell him _ .

_ Ahsoka, for kriff’s sake, shut up _ .

He gets a strong mental image of her sticking out her tongue and can’t help but chuckle a little. Right now is hardly storytime, but he compromises. “There was a battle, and most of my platoon died, including the Captain in charge, so I took over. Got the jaig eyes. It was very exciting.”

“Wow,” Brii says, and Rex finds himself struggling not to smile. Brii looks like most shinies, with his regulation haircut and spotless armor, but he notices a twist of color on Brii’s neck beneath his blacks - so he does have some tattoos.

He starts buckling on his bracers, trying to ignore Brii because now is hardly the time to be having a chat with a shiny named “happy” about how heroic he is (because he’s really not).

“Rex…” Ahsoka grabs his hand, stops him from tightening one of the straps.

“What?” he sighs, looking up at her.

_ Just take a minute to rest, Rex. We’re not going anywhere fast. _

_ I need this, _ he thinks, tries to project how vulnerable he feels, has felt ever since he woke up in the cell.

_ You  _ need _ to rest, you idiot. _

Rex pushes her hand away and goes back to tightening the armor, irritated despite himself.  _ That isn’t priority, Soka, they need me and we have to get this figured out _ .

_ Taking care of yourself isn’t priority. _ Why does she have to sound so sarcastic, that’s not what he  _ meant _ , anyway.

“You’re so  _ stupid, _ Rex, for kriff’s sake!”

“Back  _ off! _ ” he snaps, sitting up straight (and oh  _ kriff _ his head still hurts and the kriffing bioscan didn’t  _ help _ ). “It’s just  _ not _ that important right now, everything else is a kriffing mess and I have to- I need to make sure they’re all  _ okay _ .” He lowers his voice on the last part, rubs his forehead wearily.

Kix, sitting next to them, rolls his eyes but he looks ready to scold too. “I’m sure I agree with whatever Ahsoka is saying, Rex.”

“Go kriff yourself,” he growls, happens to glance at Brii. The poor kid looks shocked and confused and Rex is starting to think they might be breaking his brain. Protocol is a laughable, distant concept at this point.

“All due respect, sir,” Brii says, glancing between him and Kix and Ahsoka. “But what’s going  _ on? _ ”

Tup laughs from where he’s leaned back against one of the walls, shakes his head. “We never know, kid.”

Rex smiles a little, sparing some sympathy for Brii and the situation he’s gotten himself into. He stops focusing on his armor, leans back a little. How the  _ hells _ does he even explain this? He glances at Kix for help, but Kix shrugs, and Ahsoka is  _ laughing at him  _ in his head and he’s going to kill her later.

That’s not as funny as it used to be.

“Yeah, I guess it would be confusing,” he says, meeting Brii’s eyes and smiling. He has, after all, just yelled at a Jedi and a Commander about something like they’d been having a normal conversation - and maybe he should stop doing that so often. “Um… The Commander and I have a, um-” the  _ kriff  _ how’s he supposed to explain this to a shiny who doesn’t even know them, has met  _ one _ Jedi in his life. “Have they taught you how to shield yet?”

“Yeah, of course, sir,” Brii says. “And defend against mind tricks.”

“Good. Well… Jedi can…” This is stupid.  _ Ahsoka, come on, why can’t you just explain? _

_ Go kriff yourself _ .

_ Well, thanks for nothing _ . He rubs his jaw with one hand, sighs. “Then you know that the Jedi can see what’s in people’s minds and, and all that.”

“Yeah?” Brii looks like he’s trying so hard to understand and Rex shakes his head a little; this kid is just… unbelievable.

“Well, the Commander and I have a… like a connection that means I can see what she’s thinking and she can see what I’m thinking. Because of the Force, and all that shit.” He’s too  _ tired  _ for this. Ahsoka is definitely laughing at him.

_ Kriff you, Soka. _

“Oh,” Brii says, not quite like he gets it. “So you… talk to each other? In your heads?”

“Yeah.” Rex sighs and picks up his pauldron, starts fitting it on his good shoulder. He won’t bother about the other for now.

~~~

“Do Jedi do that a lot?” Brii asks, and Ahsoka can  _ feel _ Rex’s exhaustion like a heavy echo of her own.

She can  _ also _ feel that he’s about to snap, and she doesn’t want him scaring away their newest recruit, so she sighs dramatically (he rolls his eyes) and takes pity on him.  _ Go the kriff to sleep, Rex. _ “I’m not technically a Jedi anymore,” she explains, and the poor confused shiny’s eyes just get even  _ wider. _

“You aren’t? But--how? Why?”

“Because,” Rex growls, “the kriffing Council is kriffing  _ stupid.” _

Which, honestly, sums it up pretty well.

“Oh,” and she can  _ tell _ Brii has  _ no idea _ what Rex means. “But you’re still fighting?”

“She’s our Commander,” Kix says, “she’s not just going to  _ leave _ us.”

“Besides,” Ahsoka adds, “Anakin would get killed without me watching his back.”

“Really?”

Someone needs to explain the concepts of exaggeration and not meaning things literally to the poor kid, Ahsoka thinks wearily. “Not literally, although it’s probably true. He  _ is _ pretty reckless.”

Kix snorts. “That’s an understatement.”

“Rex, go  _ the kriff to sleep,” _ she repeats, out loud, where her Captain can’t pretend he didn’t hear. (There’s a vaguely muffled surprise, and she sends,  _ yes, I did catch that.) _ He glares, and she sighs.  _ “Cyare, _ please.  _ Gar shuk meh kyrayc.” _

Rex  _ scowls _ and makes a crude gesture with one hand, grumbles, “Shut  _ up, _ ‘Soka.”

And Brii blinks, says very quietly, almost tremulously,  _ “Cyare?” _

~~~

Oh for  _ kriff’s sake _ , Rex doesn't want to deal with any of this right now.  _ I am not explaining our long and complicated history to him right now, _ he thinks.

_ No, you aren't, because you're going to  _ **_sleep_ ** _ ,  _ she thinks, and Rex wishes he could shield better right now because that idea makes him  _ panic _ . Because the nightmares are real and he'd almost lost himself and he's  _ safe _ if he's  _ awake _ .

_ Rex _ . Her thoughts are soft and gentle and she takes a closer look at him, steps into all the fears and worries he's shoving down in the back of his mind.  _ What if I sleep too, would that help? _

_ I need to make sure Dogma is okay after his surgery and I don't know if Fives is in good enough shape to be in charge and I- _

_ Stop. _ She soothes over his thoughts and leans into him, pulls a piece of armor out of his hands.  _ You need rest. I'll be right here, I promise _ . And Rex does think that would help.

“Yeah, about that,” Kix says, when no answer is forthcoming from Rex or Ahsoka, and Rex cringes, spots Fives  _ finally _ focusing, grinning a little. Oh dear little gods, why him.

_ Oh, just go to sleep, _ Ahsoka thinks, and he doesn't want to, doesn't want to see the nightmare, hear the voice, but he's so  _ tired _ and he thinks she might be pulling his exhaustion to the front of his mind, and that's  _ cheating _ but he lets her wrap her arms around his waist and pull him down to lay next to her on the floor. It's more instinct than anything to slide his good hand under her cheek, press his forehead to hers, and he really is tired and he does want to sleep and he's going to be mad at her for being smug.  _ Later _ .

~~~

Brii has pretty much given up on trying to make anything make  _ sense _ anymore.

Apparently, Commander Tano isn’t  _ actually _ a Jedi, except everyone still calls her Commander, and then she has some weird Force-mind-trick-connection- _ thing _ with Captain Rex and he’s pretty sure Jedi don’t  _ do that, _ whatever the kriff it actually  _ is. _ And  _ then _ she calls the Captain  _ cyare, _ and curls up next to him on the floor to sleep?

He looks back at the medic, Kix, who seems to at least be  _ sane, _ except Kix is  _ smiling _ and Brii really honestly is missing something here. “Um, Kix, sir, is the entire battalion this…” and he gestures vaguely with one hand.

“Pretty much,” the medic says. “Don’t worry, kid. You’ll get used to it.”

“But--a Captain and a Commander, that’s not  _ allowed,” _ he protests vaguely, because it is really kind of cute and it doesn’t bother him, except--

“That’s why we’re here,” Kix says.

Brii frowns. “Because of the Captain and the Commander?”

“Because it’s not allowed.” Kix sighs, turns and levels a glare at Fives. “ _ Somebody _ decided it would be a good idea to go to 79’s, the clone cantina on Coruscant, and those two got drunk and… well, they were careless.”

“Somebody saw,” Brii realizes, because he may be inexperienced but he’s not  _ stupid. _ “Was he supposed to be reconditioned?”

Kix winces, nods. “Yeah, but the Commander wasn’t about to let that happen. None of us were.”

“So you came to rescue him?” This is actually  _ pretty kriffing cool. _ And he’s  _ helping! _ “But what happened? You guys are really, well, beat up.”

“Storytime’s over,” Fives drawls from his position against the wall. “How’s it coming, Tuck?”

“Almost done,” the assistant medic says. “Sorry, Brii, but now’s a bad time for that explanation.”

“We don’t actually know what happened,” the one trooper who hasn’t introduced himself yet says. “I’m Tup, by the way.”

“You said the nightmares,” Brii starts, and Fives cuts him off,  _ hard. _

“Not  _ now, _ kid!”

“Fives,” Kix says, but the ARC trooper just looks away.

“Battles are  _ hard,” _ Jesse explains. “This one was… worse.”

“Because you tried to kill your Jedi.” Brii nods understanding. This, at least, is one thing he understands: the nightmares, the whispers.  _ Good soldiers follow orders. Kill the Jedi. _

From the way everyone tenses, though, he thinks maybe that wouldn’t have been the best thing to say out loud.

Oops.

~~~

“What's so hard to understand about  _ not right now? _ ” Fives snarls, and really he  _ shouldn't _ but it stings, hearing it out loud, and he thinks he likes Brii but the shiny has no tact and doesn't understand  _ anything _ . He pushes himself off the wall because he needs to  _ move _ , and Brii actually flinches a little.

Kriff. He can't karking do anything good today.

The rest of the squad is as tired and pained as he is (and Jesse is a little green because he's not good with medical procedures and Tuck has cut open Dogma’s  _ head _ ) and Brii isn't helping.

Or, well, right at this  _ second _ he isn't. But Fives has to admit he likes the kid, even though he's kind of an idiot. So he squashes his guilt as much as he can, glances at Rex and Ahsoka curled up on the floor.

(The sight of the bandage and sling on Rex’s shoulder makes his stomach hurt.)

“They're insufferable,” he says dryly, indicating the two. Brii glances at them too, then back at him.

“Why?”

“Because.” Fives sits down on the floor, cross-legged. “They took a  _ really _ long time to get together and I lost like four bets to General Skywalker.”

“It was more than that,” Kix says, and Fives grumbles to himself. Like Kix knows.

“Whatever. Either way, they're oblivious and then they always kiss at the wrong times, I can't kriffing win with them.”

“Sir?”

“I mean one time they kissed too soon, but then at 79’s I called the timing perfectly. See how that turned out, though.”

He's not helping Brii’s confusion, and it's hilarious, but Kix raises an eyebrow at him. “Fives, now you're just being  _ cruel _ ,” Kix sighs, shaking his head. “Leave the poor kid alone.”

Fives shrugs, waves his hand. “It's fine, he can handle it.” Brii can't and it's comical how lost he looks.

“You'll figure it out, eventually,” Tup says helpfully. “Don't worry about it, Brii.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Mando'a translations:**
> 
>  
> 
>  _briikase:_ happy
> 
>  _Gar shuk meh kyrayc:_ you're no use dead


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are yet again with MORE ANGST! This keeps happening but we just really like angst, okay? The story ran away with us ages ago.
> 
> If any of you are curious to see what our boy Brii looks like, I did some art of him and posted it to my Tumblr (collegefangirl3791) - you can find it tagged "brii" or "grace draws". He's a cutie and we love him a lot - we hope y'all like him too!
> 
> Let us know what you think!

For a moment, the only thing Ahsoka can think is that her bunk--or is it Rex’s bunk?--feels a lot  _ harder _ than normal.

And then everything comes rushing back--the Council, Rex, the kidnapping, the Father, shatterpoints and  _ execute Order Sixty-Six _ and Kix with her ‘saber and a shiny who has been summarily adopted.

She swears under her breath, the individual words muffled by Rex’s side, and  _ really _ wishes she could go back to sleep, but… 

She lifts her head, rubbing her bleary eyes, and frowns at Kix, who is still awake. (Fives, Jesse, Tup, and Dogma are all asleep, heads shaved and a bacta patch over their temples.) “What happened to my lightsabers?”

“Don’t you  _ even start,” _ Kix growls, and she huffs.

“I think that crystal likes you,” she murmurs, laying her head back down. “You can keep it, if you want--I’ll make a new one.”

“Commander?” he asks, uncertain, and she smiles. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Kix. I’m sure.” She sighs, nestles closer to Rex. “How’s Brii?”

“You left  _ Fives _ to explain you and Rex.”

Well, that certainly makes things difficult. “Sorry--”

“Don’t kriffing apologize, you both needed the sleep.”

“So do you,” Ahsoka says, and the medic sighs.

“I know.” There’s a pause, and then, “I’m going to have to do the surgery on Tuck.”

He’s right. She frowns, tries to reach Anakin, but he’s still too far away and she’s too  _ tired _ and her head still hurts. “Be careful, Kix.”

“I will. I promise.”

~~~

Rex wakes up shortly after Ahsoka - part of him feels her wake up and responds, doesn't want to be asleep if she's not. It's instinctive more than anything.

He starts to sit up and his body says  _ no _ , his shoulder screams, his head spins, and his muscles were in no shape for a nap on the hard floor.

“ _ Ow. _ ” He winces, opens his eyes to see Soka, Kix, and Brii all staring at him in concern.

“Good, you're awake.” That's Tuck, and there's a thrill of anxiety in the pit of Rex’s stomach because  _ surgery _ . The assistant medic comes over, helps him sit partway up, and Rex takes in his grimly-exhausted face and steady hands.

“You're doing great, Tuck,” he says, and Tuck snorts.

“Well, thanks, Captain,” he says.

Rex looks around, trying to blink sleep out of his eyes. Fives, Dogma, Jesse, and Tup are all laid out on the floor, asleep, and their heads are shaved (poor Tup). “So I guess this makes it my turn?” Rex asks, tries not to be too nervous. His men have all been through this and it means they can't be turned on their Jedi anymore, it's just… terrifying.  _ Tuck _ is going to make a  _ hole in his head _ . Besides that, he can't help but think of earlier, of being strapped to a table so the Kaminoans can take everything away from him, and he doesn't want that again.

_ It's going to be okay, Rex. I promise. _ Ahsoka pushes warmth at him and he wraps himself in it, nods.

“If you're okay, Rex,” Tuck says. “Then yeah, it's your turn.”

“Wonderful,” he says gruffly, and Tuck pulls his arm over his shoulder and helps him stand. That  _ hurts _ and Rex’s stomach is twisted up into tight knots and he takes a long, shivering breath. “Get this kriffing thing  _ out of my head _ ,” he says, and Tuck nods, eyes sharp.

“With pleasure, Captain.”

~~~ 

Ahsoka watches, a thrill of anxiety sparking across her nerves, as Rex’s head is shaved and the surgery prepared. She has to look away when Tuck actually starts _ cutting,  _ but she keeps up a steady projection of warmth and _ calm.  _

Brii is watching her.

“What?” she finally asks, and he jumps a little, as though embarrassed to have been caught staring. 

“It's--nothing, sir.”

Which is how she finds out he's a _ terrible _ liar. “It's not nothing. You're allowed to ask questions, you know.”

Brii shakes his head, a strange, almost _ sad _ smile on his face. “I've been asking questions. I think I'm annoying everyone.”

Kix has a look of intense concentration on his face, and after a moment she feels a faint,  _ Fives got snappy with him. _

She glares. Seriously? Projecting to people you don't have a bond with is _ hard,  _ and also stupid for him right now. “Well, you're not annoying me,” she says, deciding to ignore Kix. “What is it?”

“What's the real reason you aren't a Jedi anymore?”

Ahsoka hums, wondering how best to explain it, finally settling on, “The Jedi aren't allowed to love.” Which isn’t the  _ whole _ truth, but it’s close enough. “And I fell in love.”

“With the Captain.” Brii is more observant, she thinks, than they give him credit for. “So they kicked you out?”

“Well, they  _ wanted _ to, but they were going to do a trial first,” she tells him, “but they were being stupid and blind and not  _ listening _ to me and Rex was in danger, so I left.”

He blinks, frowns. “But--that’s not enough to earn a trial?” It’s a question, but she can tell he almost wants to make it a statement, like he’s certain that falling in love isn’t enough of a rule break to be put on trial for.

She shoots a look at Kix, because  _ Force, _ she doesn’t want to explain the rest of this right now, but they’ve all been doing that to the poor kid, and he just wants to  _ understand, _ and that’s hardly fair to him, so she nods. “You’re right, it’s not. I got in trouble for using the Dark Side of the Force to protect Rex.”

His eyes go big and round again, but there’s no  _ fear _ there, and she wonders if he really even knows what the Dark Side is. “Is using the Dark Side bad if you do it to protect people?” he asks, tilting his head to one side.

Ahsoka’s caught flat-footed by the genuine curiosity of the question--the same question the Jedi Council has always answered with a firm  _ yes, _ because it’s not the intent it’s the  _ means. _ She opens her mouth, closes it again, blinks. “I… don’t know, Brii.”

Kriff, they  _ definitely _ underestimated him.

~~~

“But the other Jedi think it is?” Brii asks. He doesn't know much (hardly anything, really) about the Jedi, but it appears they aren't all what he'd thought - definitely not all like General Tii. Although from the sound of things, the Commander isn't really like the other Jedi, either.

“Apparently,” Commander Tano says, smiling a little. “But… I'm not sure they know as much as they think they do.”

Brii doesn't know what to do with all this, really - it's so  _ new _ and nothing like what he'd expected, and most of this is almost directly opposed to his training. “Oh,” he says, hoping he at least  _ sort of _ looks like he knows what's going on.

“The point is,” Commander Tano says, looking a little like she wants to laugh, but still serious, “the Council and I didn't agree on how things should be done, and I thought they… had lost track of some things. And I needed to save Rex. So I left.”

Brii nods, thinking. The Jedi Council and the Senate have always just been distant authority figures that everyone references when there are new orders, so he's not sure what it means if Commander Tano  _ disagreed _ with them.

But he is sure these people are  _ war heroes _ , the ones he and his brothers talk about between training and simulations, and  _ he _ was shooting to kill and they weren't. So he trusts Commander Tano - he thinks.

“You'll figure out there are more important things than orders,” Kix says.

Brii’s getting that, actually. Things like not killing his brothers. “Yeah,” he says, twisting his hands together, and avoids glancing towards the other medic and the surgery.

He thinks… He wants a surgery too. He doesn't want some kriffing  _ chip _ in his head that could make him live the nightmares and  _ kill the Jedi _ \- but he's not totally sure how to ask about it. He doesn't exactly fit in here, with the  _ 501st _ (he's still not over that), and whatever Commander Tano says about  _ General Skywalker _ being  _ his _ General, he doesn't know how he's expected to be anything like them.

~~~

Tuck finishes up the surgery shortly after that, administering another drug to counteract the anesthesia. Ahsoka tries to get up and check on Rex, but Kix _ glares _ and she decides maybe that's not a good idea. And, anyway, Rex is still unconscious--will be for a while yet--so really, there’s no need to go over there and see him. He’s fine. Tuck would tell her if he wasn’t.

Tuck is looking at them like he's not entirely sure what to do now that there's only himself and Kix left, and that's when Brii stands up. “I want mine out,” he says, and Ahsoka thinks this bright glowing warmth in her chest is _ pride.  _

Tuck just stares. “But--you--”

“Why shouldn't I?” he asks, and he's genuinely wanting to know.

Kix says, “If you have your chip out, there's no going back, kid. Are you sure about this?”

Brii nods, looking at Rex where the Captain is laying on the floor. “Just because I don't have paint on my armor doesn't mean I want to live the nightmares,” he says quietly.

Ahsoka smiles. “Of course you can have your chip out,” she tells him, and the bright, though nervous, smile he gives her is worth the way Tuck almost glares. 

~~~

Kix sighs and goes to sit next to Ahsoka, peeling off his gloves and rubbing his face. Tuck and Brii have joined the lineup of clones waiting for the anesthetic to wear off, and he's exhausted from the effort of standing - and drawing on the Force so his hands wouldn't shake, which was a mistake, but better than his hands slipping during the operation. The Force had taken a great deal of convincing, and he can  _ feel _ why - everything burns worse now.

“Are you doing alright, Commander?” he asks, sighing. “Do you need any more meds?”

“No - but thanks, Kix.” She gives him an appraising look and he pulls his legs up to his chest and looks down. “You should take some more, though.”

He doesn’t think he actually took any yet to begin with, which is so  _ kriffing irresponsible _ but he can’t seem to think right because part of his head  _ hurts _ so bad and he knows enough to know this is probably what Force burn feels like. He sighs, digs into his medpac, and fishes out a few pills, dry-swallows them (although he’s always hated doing that).

“You really  _ can’t _ press so deep into the Force without more training, Kix,” Ahsoka says, and he doesn’t think he’ll have an opportunity for more training, so he leans towards her a little.

“How do you know?” he asks. How do you know when to stop, because it had just felt right and strong and powerful and important until it all came crashing back. “It only started telling me to stop when I was going to burn, and that’s not good enough.”

“Telling you to stop?” Ahsoka frowns. “Well, I don’t know how to explain, exactly. If you can’t feel your pain and that doesn’t worry you, you’re reaching a little too much. If you’re doing the kind of stuff you were doing and it isn’t hard, you’re  _ definitely _ reaching too much. I don’t know, it’s like… drinking, kind of.”

Kix laughs despite himself. “How so?”

“Well, if you have a few drinks, it all feels great and you’re on top of the world. Have a few more and you’re going to be hungover in the morning but it’s probably fine. If you keep drinking after that it’s not even fun anymore.”

Kix rolls his eyes. His brothers rarely stop on “a few more” and it’s  _ really kriffing annoying _ . “So it’s a judgement call,” he says. That doesn’t help him much because he doesn’t  _ understand _ the Force, at all. At least alcohol makes sense, he knows what it does to his brain.

“I think that’s part of why we meditate,” Ahsoka says, shrugging and wincing. “So we know when we’re going too far.”

Kix looks down, nods, fiddles with the saber he now has clipped to his belt. He can’t help but think of it as  _ his _ saber, although he definitely can’t keep it. As it is, only his brothers’ promises of secrecy and his Jedi stand between him and termination. The 501st is good at keeping secrets, at least. He  _ can’t  _ carry a lightsaber and use the Force openly - and even if he could, he still doesn’t want to be a soldier.

Even acknowledging the Force as something he can  _ use _ feels like too much.

“What were you saying about it ‘telling you to stop’?” Ahsoka asks, picking at the edge of the bandage on her arm as she leans forward.

Kix shrugs. “Before we got here, when I was fighting the last squad, the Force or, or whatever was telling me to stop or I’d burn up. It didn’t want to let me do any more.”

“It… didn’t want to let you? The Force was  _ talking _ to you?”

“Well, yeah, I mean- Is it not supposed to do that?”

Ahsoka looks a little shocked and when he asks that, she shakes her head. “The Force just… We communicate, tell it what to do, but I mostly get impressions - it talked to me earlier, but that was unusual.”

Well kriff. Kix can’t even have the  _ Force _ the way everyone else does. “I don’t understand,” he sighs, dropping his head into his hands (and  _ ow _ that hurts).

“Neither do I, if that-”

The door starts hissing open. Kix reacts on instinct, reaches for his blaster, but Ahsoka is faster - with a wave of her hand, the door  _ slams _ back closed and  _ kriff her  _ she’s in no shape to do that yet. Kix grabs his blaster and shoots the inside door panel - that will jam it, for now. He’s surprised it took the longnecks this long to figure out where they were and get more platoons down here, but it helps that they probably had no idea what they were trying to  _ do _ .

It’s just him and Ahsoka, although soon, Dogma and the others will be waking up.

And he and Ahsoka are injured and burnt out and everything he knows says they can’t draw on the Force or fight or do nearly  _ anything, _ not if they ever want to heal. And yet they could reach for the Force, could sink into it, could push themselves because his  _ vod’e _ are here and he needs to protect them, if he could just convince the Force.

And kriff them but he finally understands why the Jedi are always pushing themselves so  _ kriffing  _ hard and leaving him with so much work to do.

“What do we do, Commander?” he asks. Because they’re trapped, and he doesn’t know how soon General Skywalker is going to arrive, and as it is he and Ahsoka are running on stim shots and necessity.

~~~

The Kaminoans have found them.

They’d gotten a longer window of time to rest, to plan, than Ahsoka had really  _ expected, _ but she can’t help but wish the cloners had picked a different time to try again. Either attack  _ sooner, _ before literally every functional trooper was unconscious, or wait until at least a  _ few _ of them are awake again.

Because, as it stands right now, everything they’ve learned is about to die with them.

Ahsoka can’t,  _ won’t _ let that happen. She won’t leave the Jedi unaware of the death sentence awaiting them, of the doom that they eat and sleep and fight with; she won’t let the million-plus clone troopers out there in the galaxy right now be turned into soulless droids--a kind of slavery she can barely comprehend. So she has to survive, or at least her men do.  _ Someone _ has to tell Anakin, the Jedi Council, the Senate everything they’ve figured out down here.

_ What do we do, Commander? _

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and centers herself in the flow of the Force, even though just that small reach hurts her still-aching head, opening herself completely to its waves and currents, letting all the pain, all the fear, all the anger and horror and disgust and foreboding drain away, and then she opens her eyes once more. “What we must.”

Kix nods, once, somber and grave and certain, even though she knows he knows exactly what she’s asking him to do, what the consequences of that might be. If only she had a choice, another option, but there isn’t one.

She takes another deep breath, hones her mind to a razor-sharp focus. Sitrep:

They are trapped in this lab with no other way out. Advantage: enemy.

The door is narrow, can be defended by one man, and only two troopers can pass through it at a time. Advantage: them.

They are outnumbered and outgunned, and all their fighters are sleeping off a surgery. Disadvantage.  _ But, _ if Fives and Jesse and Rex (even a weak, injured Rex) wake up soon, they’ll have an ARC trooper and a clone Captain and one of the most experienced troopers in the entire 501st fighting against a bunch of shinies, which is a definite advantage.

The enemy is shooting to kill.

They aren’t.

Game over.

“Kriffing  _ morals _ are going to get us all killed,” Ahsoka murmurs, and Kix snorts--he’s probably been following a train of thought similar to her own. She extends her hand, calls her ‘saber to it--the kyber crystal inside feels  _ different, _ somehow, and she frowns down at the hilt, igniting the blade.

Silver.

“What the  _ kriff,” _ she starts, sees Kix looking at her with a wry smile on his face. “What did you  _ do?” _

“Nothing,” he says. “They’ve been  that color since after your Force vision. Didn’t you notice when you were trying to hold us off?”

She shakes her head, frowns. “I was a  _ teensy bit busy,” _ she says, putting all the sarcasm she can into the last three words, and then she sighs, stands. “We have to be ready as soon as they get that door open. The narrow doorway is our only real tactical advantage right now.”

Kix nods agreement, and  _ kriff, _ just standing makes her exhausted muscles tremble, and when she reaches for the Force, to bolster her already-fading strength,  _ pain _ flares through her head and she grits her teeth. This is  _ such _ a bad idea, and she’s  _ just _ lectured Kix for it, but she sinks deeper anyway, searching for clarity and strength and calm.

_ We do what we must.  _

She has to do this.

Even though it just might kill her.

~~~

Kix unclips his -  _ his _ \- saber from his belt, settles most of his weight on his good leg. Even with that, a wave of agony shoots through his injured leg and he almost falls, automatically reaches for the Force to steady himself. It’s like trying to pick something up with a burned hand and it  _ hurts _ , and he recoils because he knows he has to listen to pain like that, it’s a warning, but he  _ can’t _ . Not if there’s  _ any _ chance of saving his  _ vod’e _ .

So he reaches again, pushes through the pain and the instinct that says  _ stop right now _ and tries to step into the Force.

The Force  _ refuses _ .

Kriff, no, it can’t just- not help.  _ Come on! _ Kix ignites his saber and shifts because he really  _ can’t _ stand on that leg.  _ I need to do this _ .

**_No,_ ** _ little one, _ the Force answers, sounds less like a voice than it had before.  _ It will kill you _ .

_ And? _ Kix’s heart is beating too fast and everything hurts and he’s terrified, but:  _ They need me and I can’t help them if you don’t help  _ **_me_ ** _. _

_ They will die anyway. It’s the way of things. _

_ And I’ll die anyway, eventually, so kriffing let me decide if now’s the right time for it or not _ .

He gets an impression, then, of intense  _ knowledge _ and wisdom and a will directing  _ everything _ and it’s fleeting and small but he still shrinks back from it, a little cowed.  _ You want to decide, little one? _ The Force sounds  _ challenging _ and Kix swallows.

_ I have to protect them. _ He glances over at his patients, Brii and Tuck and Jesse. He’s not letting them down.  _ So what if I burn, they have to be okay _ . He’s not a soldier, he’s a medic, and he’s got to make sure his  _ vod’e _ have every chance they can.

_ You know what you’re asking me? _ the Force asks, and Kix feels a thread of its power at the back of his mind and it still hurts to reach for it, but he does.

_ I think so. Kriffing please. _

There’s a feeling like a deep, heavy sigh and someone shaking their head, then the thread widens into a  _ river _ and Kix dives into it, feels the pain wash out of his leg and head too fast, feels the tremor in his hands vanish. It's energy and power and protection, but fire, too, and he can feel it turning him to ashes.

_ I’m sorry, little one _ .

~~~

The door is shaking, burning with the heat of the torch the troopers on the other side are using to cut through the durasteel, and Ahsoka takes a deep breath, settles herself, tightens her hand on her lightsaber hilt. She could reach deeper, give herself more reserves of speed and strength and balance than she has even when she’s fully rested, but she doesn’t, not yet, because  _ that _ is something she cannot come back from.

The Force around the room suddenly  _ surges, _ and she turns to stare in horror at Kix, because she can  _ feel _ him reaching, taking it all, everything he has and everything the Force can give, and she  _ knows _ this feeling--

(She’s still just a youngling, just an Initiate, serving as a courier because this intel is too dangerous to transmit. The war has just begun. Master Rhaeda is deep in Separatist space with her battalion, and when Ahsoka sets out from Coruscant the fight is going well.

By the time she arrives, only half the battalion, if that, is still alive, and they have one working ship but no pilot and no way to get the ship clear of the ground because the fire is too intense. Master Rhaeda smiles and says,  _ protect my men, Initiate Tano. _

_ What are you doing? _ and the Force feels strange and heavy and  _ inevitable, _ a maelstrom of barely-tamed power swirling around the Jedi Master, more power than Ahsoka has ever felt in her entire life, and she has never been  _ afraid _ of the Force before but she is now.

A smile, sad and soft and bittersweet and  _ knowing. We do what we must, Initiate. _ She turns and walks away, and Ahsoka has no choice but to get the survivors onto the ship and be  _ ready _ for the gap, for the opening, because she knows goodbyes when she hears them.)

“What the  _ kriff, _ Kix, you  _ can’t,” _ she says, panicked, because he  _ can’t do this, _ it  _ will _ kill him. “You’re going to  _ die!” _

Kix shrugs a little, gives her a lopsided smile. “We’re about to die anyway, sir, and frankly, I’d like to give my brothers as much of a chance as I can.”

She’s not sure why there are tears in her eyes. “Kriff, Kix, you aren’t a  _ Jedi, _ you aren’t  _ allowed _ to do the self-sacrifice thing, you  _ have _ to let it go, let go. Let me do this--”

“Ahsoka,” and he’s never spoken to her in this tone before, “if you die, Rex will never recover.”

“He’ll survive,” she says, because he always does, but Kix raises an eyebrow at her.

“Will he?” There’s a pause. “Did he say goodbye, when he thought he was going to be reconditioned?”

She nods, unsure where this is going.

“What did he say?”

A deep breath, in and out.  _ “Mhi solus tome--” _

The  _ pain _ that crosses Kix’s face at the first three words stops Ahsoka dead in her tracks, because his eyes are  _ anguished _ and he’s shaking his head. “Ahsoka, that’s the first line of the kriffing Mandalorian  _ marriage vow, _ and you want me to believe he’ll kriffing survive if you  _ die?” _

She freezes, her ‘saber lowering just a touch--and the door crashes to the ground, and  _ kriff _ but everything hurts and she might be crying and Rex isn’t going to wake up until it’s too late and she has no  _ choice, _ because there are  _ so many troopers _ and she  _ has _ to kill them because somebody has to get out of here, someone has to warn the Jedi. So she lets out a strangled sob and stretches into the Force, even though it feels almost like shoving her hand into a fire and picking up the burning coals, and it  _ burns. _

_ I’m sorry,  _ cyare.

(There are too many blasters firing and she can’t deflect the bolts fast enough, can’t cut the troopers down enough, and she starts using her body as a shield because  _ this is the end _ but she will not let it be the end for them all. This is love, this is duty, this is the realization that  _ this is what she must do. _

She thinks, at some point, when everything has turned to silver static and she isn’t even sure if she’s still standing, that she hears someone screaming  **_AHSOKA!_ ** in the back of her mind, but the Force sweeps the cry away before she can identify the voice.)

(But she can do one last thing, for Rex. So she reaches for his mind and fills him with all the love in her soul and she says,  _ Mhi solus tome,  _ _ mhi solus dar’tome, bal mhi me’dinui an. I love you, Rex.) _

~~~

Pain like ice and fire wakes him up, drags him out of the last dregs of unconsciousness, and that horrible hurricane of power is tearing around the corners of his mind and he has to slam up shields to even be able to  _ think _ .

Rex knows, instinctively, that the pain is all  _ hers _ and something deeper says  _ she's dying _ and he lurches off the floor, plants both hands on the ground and shoves himself to his feet even though that makes everything  _ stop _ for a second because he  _ isn't kriffing losing her _ .

Somewhere his hands find the rest of his armor and, most importantly, his  _ blasters _ , and he grabs them, straightens, and for a moment all he sees is white.

He doesn't even think before firing into the mess because his instincts and pain say he has to get to his Soka  _ now _ . Still, as he starts to pick things out (blue painted armor, a blur of white sabers) he realizes he's been automatically avoiding hitting his men. And his blaster isn’t set to stun but then neither is anyone else’s.

Part of him says  _ wrong, not right, not good _ , but the pain tearing at him is much more important and they’re  _ trapped _ and right now priority is  _ Ahsoka _ .

He spots her standing in front of the doorway with Kix and he  _ knows _ from years of experience and the pain and power he feels rushing through their bond that they’re pushing themselves  _ too hard _ .

But he has to do the same because his men are going to  _ die _ if he doesn’t.

He wades into the mess, finds the nearest  _ vod _ he knows (it’s the shiny, Brii, and the kid is doing  _ so well _ but he’s crying) and something is still pulsing  _ wrongness  _ in Rex’s gut.

The room is just blasterfire and struggling bodies and Rex still can’t quite focus but he can  _ fight, _ so he defends Brii until he can find a way to get through the chaos to Ahsoka.

The insanity of his surroundings helps him block out the pain and the Force, and as they grow quieter, he can think, listen, and he  _ finally _ finds Ahsoka’s thoughts, tries to project something to her, a warning or a question or just strength, but he feels like he’s trying to wave desperately at a blind person because she isn’t paying  _ attention _ and he can’t find purchase in her thoughts.

He stands shoulder to shoulder with Brii, shooting at the  _ vod’e _ who’re trying to come into the lab, anyone who gets past Ahsoka and Kix, although how  _ anyone  _ is he doesn’t know because they’re both almost  _ unreal _ in their speed and power and motion, Kix like a sharp knife handled by an expert carver, Ahsoka like the dancer he knows she is, fluid and easy and  _ beautiful _ , almost.

Maybe that’s why it takes him so long to  _ see _ . He has to feel it first, past the roaring maelstrom of the Force that he’s trying so hard to keep out, as he’s trying to prod Ahsoka’s thoughts for  _ some  _ response - sharp, burning pain in his chest, his side, his hip, and he thinks for a moment he’s been shot but when he looks down at himself he’s fine, everything’s fine.

Which means Ahsoka’s  _ not _ .

Now that he knows what he’s looking for, he lets Brii take the lead so he can drive into her thoughts, past the Force and the fighting to the pain of blaster wounds, pain that’s been relegated to a tiny corner of her consciousness and it’s kriffing  _ everywhere _ . Rex chokes a little, frozen, finds himself staring at Ahsoka and Kix because suddenly he can fixate on bolts that make it past their sabers, far, far too many of them, and he forgets Brii because this is worse, this is so much worse than he thought. He breaks into a run without thinking about it, kriff the attacking  _ vod’e _ and the risk and the fact that his body isn’t prepared for this and he’s going to  _ collapse _ .

Because he can feel a terrible, familiar  _ acceptance _ in Ahsoka’s mind too, mixed in with the pain, necessity and duty and- and- and she’s kriffing  _ ready to die _ . That’s why the Force is howling like a pack of Loth wolves and she’s not even noticing how often she’s been shot and that’s why he feels like everything is falling to kriffing pieces and he will  _ not _ let her leave him like this.

**_AHSOKA!_** _Don’t you kriffing dare!_ he projects, knows instinctively that she hasn’t _heard him_ and he pushes himself faster, weaves past Jesse struggling with another _vod_ and has the presence of mind to take aim and fire. He feels another stab of pain, in his good arm, and he swears. She can’t _do this_ , not here, not after everything.

And then  _ finally _ he feels an answering thought from her, feels her reaching back towards him and he  _ sobs _ , grabs on tight and keeps  _ moving _ .

_ You need to stop, Ahsoka, please. _

She doesn’t answer, doesn’t even seem to hear that, and then he feels her breathe his mind full of  _ love _ , like she’s just held her arms out for an embrace, like she’s smiling at him with those mischievous blue eyes because of some shared secret, and that shouldn’t feel so  _ inevitable _ and terrifying and he doesn’t mean to but he stumbles to a stop, projects his own love as hard as he can, and his fear, hoping to get a real response.

As he does, he looks up, finds her, and he  _ understands _ because she’s slowing, losing the comfortable grace of her movements, and his sobs are just silent and hurt because he can’t kriffing make a sound.

_ Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome _ .

No. He’s not kriffing  _ doing _ this, not letting her do this. It wasn’t supposed- she can’t just- “Shut  _ up! _ ” he shouts, and he doesn’t mean to say it out loud but she isn’t  _ hearing  _ him and he can’t and her kriffing love won’t stop washing warm and pained over his thoughts and he’s not- he’s not listening to her say this, he can’t.

_ Bal mi me’dinui an _ .

“ _ Gedet’ye _ , Soka,” he growls, and someone grabs his arm and he shakes them off, even though part of him registers  _ Fives _ ,  _ friend _ .

_ I love you, Rex _ . And it’s her kriffing voice, fond and light and almost audible and he can’t, he can’t. He’s staring at her when suddenly all he feels is  _ pain _ and the intensity of the Force and  _ exhaustion _ and she staggers, and the whole world goes  _ white _ and vague and  _ too much _ and he knows distantly that he’s screaming for her.

~~~

The instant the  _ Resolute _ comes out of hyperspace over Kamino, Anakin Skywalker knows something is very,  _ very wrong. _

His bond with Ahsoka  _ finally _ snaps back into place, like he’s back within range, even though he shouldn’t be  _ out of range _ unless something’s  _ happened _ to exhaust her to the point she can’t even project. Even on Umbara, while she’d been in the middle of having her  _ mind invaded, _ she’d been strong enough to reach him on Coruscant.

He takes approximately .03 seconds to realize at least  _ some _ of what’s wrong, and he  _ screams _ for her, but she doesn’t even  _ hear him. _ Of course she doesn’t, she’s--he’s not sure what to call it, but she’s  _ giving herself to the Force _ and  _ shavit, _ he needs to get down there  _ now _ . Whatever she and Rex and their squad discovered while on Kamino’s surface, it’s  _ bad. _ Or really, really, really kriffing important, and also a secret, which is… entirely possible.

Kriff.

He presses the button on his wristcomm. “Obi-Wan, we need to get down there  _ now.” _

“I concur,” his Master says calmly, though there’s an audible tension to his voice even through the comm. “The Force is… disturbed.”

“Ahsoka’s going to  _ kill herself,” _ Anakin snaps, because he can  _ feel it _ and they  _ have to get there  _ **_now._ ** “Appo,” he calls to the lieutenant, “you’re in charge, don’t crash into the planet.”

Appo salutes, and Anakin jumps into the last open transport, gives the all-clear to the pilot. The transport takes off, leaves the hangar with several others (and he knows Obi-Wan will be bringing Cody and part of the 212th down with him, and that’s a relief, but not  _ enough), _ but the ship moves so  _ slowly _ and with every second that slips past Ahsoka draws farther and farther away from him, into the current of the Force, and  _ no _ he can’t let this happen.

The transports  _ finally _ land, and Anakin leaps out, sprints into the corridors and follows his instincts and the Force and the sounds of blasterfire to the medical level (he meets Obi-Wan there, and Cody), and the hallway is  _ full _ of clones in regulation white armor, shinies. He doesn’t even stop to think, just pulls out his lightsaber (behind him, blue- and orange-painted troopers pull their blasters and start firing on stun, because they  _ don’t kill _ brothers), hears humming and sees Obi-Wan’s ‘saber ignite out of the corner of his eye. 

There’s rage and horror and terror all building up in a huge, cresting wave, breaking over the top of his head and it’s like he’s  _ drowning, _ and he so desperately wants to start cutting a huge swathe through the shinies but--but--but they’re  _ vod’e, _ and they’ve accepted him as one of their own and he cannot betray them like this and so he  _ snarls _ and flings his hands out, Force-pushing half the hallway’s occupants to the ground.

With the way clear, he advances, and he can see a splash of bright color in the midst of all the  _ white: _ it’s Ahsoka, and in her hands is one of her ‘sabers (except the blade is  _ silver, _ what the kriff) and next to her is--is  _ Kix, _ wielding a lightsaber like he was born for it, the Force flowing through them in  _ waves _ and they’re going to  _ die _ and--

And Ahsoka suddenly wavers, staggers, and then the training bond is nothing but  _ pain. _

Anakin  _ screams. _

He Force-jumps the distance, slams to the ground in front of Ahsoka and Kix, who’s also stumbling, and he  _ snarls _ into the sudden pause,  _ “Stand down  _ **_NOW!”_ ** His voice is  _ full _ of the Force, to the brim, and even with being taught how to resist Force-suggestion not a single one of the shinies can ignore his  _ order _ and with all the strength and raw, sheer  _ will _ he’d found within himself on Mortis he forces the troopers to  _ stop and drop your blasters! _

Obi-Wan is there, somewhere next to him. The shinies are  _ staring _ at him.

None of that  _ matters. _

He turns his lightsaber off, hangs it on his belt, drops to his knees by Ahsoka and puts a hand on her temple--there’s just  _ nothing, _ and he  _ can’t, _ he  _ won’t, _ and he remembers-- “Rex!  _ I need you!” _

~~~

Rex can’t kriffing  _ feel _ her and he’s already fought his way almost to her when finally, oh thank the  _ little gods _ ,  _ please, you have to fix this, please, _ Anakin arrives in a flurry of blaster shots, and he’s roaring and angry and all Rex can think is  _ please help her _ .

When Anakin gives his order, Rex and his squad obey it too, automatic, simple. And finally, kriffing  _ finally _ Anakin drops down by Ahsoka and it’s all silent and Rex fights back sick because Ahsoka has so  _ many _ injuries and he doesn’t want anyone  _ touching her _ . Fives grabs his shoulder, starts to try to say something, but Anakin beats him to it.

“Rex!  _ I need you! _ ”

That has to mean she’s not lost yet, because Anakin looks desperate and angry, so Rex shoves away Fives’ hand and staggers over, almost just falls next to Anakin but he finds strength from somewhere to actually kneel by Ahsoka’s shoulder, reach out like he can’t help it and rest his hand on her cheek.

“We have to pull her back,” Anakin growls, and Rex reaches for Ahsoka’s mind on instinct, feels Anakin doing the same and that’s still  _ strange _ but that doesn’t  _ matter _ now. “She’s losing herself, and she  _ can’t _ do that, Rex.”

She feels so  _ empty _ and gone and Rex thinks the only comfort is that the bond is still there, he can still reach towards her, which  _ has _ to mean she’s still alive, still close.

But he’s reaching and pressing into the distant corners of her mind and there’s  _ nothing here _ , just echoes, and he imitates Anakin and calls out to her, trying not to sob as he kneels there on the floor, knowing he might be losing her if they can’t  _ find _ her.

_ Soka, please. Please, ner’jetii, come  _ **_back._ ** _ I love you too, just please. Mhi solus dar’tome. _ That’s a promise and it’s such a  _ goodbye _ promise but he just wants her to  _ know _ .

~~~

Everything is dark and soft and quiet, and she floats.

The river has calmed, like she’s gone crashing over the edge of a waterfall and swept away downstream, and now she’s in the languid, lazy pools that tend to form, the kind of place she’d gone swimming in, once, she thinks. She’s not entirely sure, though. Everything from  _ before _ is hazy, blurred, indistinct, and reaching for it  _ hurts _ and she’s so  _ tired _ and she just wants to  _ float. _

The Force soothes the lingering aches of the  _ before, _ fills her with warm peace, and she relaxes into it, feels more of the before fading away. That’s okay, though. The before is just pain and exhaustion and terror and she doesn’t  _ want it, _ she wants the peace and quiet and  _ safety _ of the Force.

But something is holding her back, two thin threads tying her to the before, and she can’t quite float away, not with them still here. That  _ annoys _ her. She has a right to peace, doesn’t she? After--after--

There was a war?

She can’t really remember anymore.

(That should bother her. It doesn’t.)

_ The bonds can be broken, _ a voice says, and she feels amusement, because she’d said the Force doesn’t talk to her and now look at it. (She’d said that to--to someone, to the--medic. The medic. What was his name?)  _ If you wish it. _

She does wish it, but… but there’s something faint prodding her, a whisper of memory, and it won’t leave her  _ alone _ so she reaches for it.

It’s just words.

_ Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome. _

The words sound familiar, and she struggles to piece together  _ why; _ another snippet of memory drifts up to her and she takes it, too.  _ Ahsoka, _ the memory says,  _ that’s the first line of the kriffing Mandalorian marriage vow. _

Ahsoka, who is Ahsoka?

Somewhere, someone is  _ screaming _ and she doesn’t quite know why they won’t be  _ quiet. _ She doesn’t  _ want _ to come back, she wants to  _ float, _ she wants--

_ We are one when parted. _

It’s a vow, she knows, and a vow is a  _ promise, _ and a promise is unbreakable.

_ Please,  _ ner’jetii, _ come  _ **_back._ **

The voice is familiar and she isn’t quite sure why, but the word--the Mando’a word,  _ ner’jetii, _ it sounds familiar, sounds like warmth and love and freedom and dancing with wild abandon, and she  _ wants it. _

She wants the peace, the quiet, yes, but--but there is  _ love _ in that word and she, something in her  _ needs _ that love, needs--needs--

The name won’t  _ come _ and she feels a breath of frustration, quickly soothed away by the Force, and for some reason that almost irritates her  _ more. _ That frustration is  _ hers, _ it’s  _ her feeling, _ she’s entitled to it, and so is the name she can’t remember. 

_ The name belongs to before, _ the Force says.

And before is  _ pain. _

But there is--there is also  _ love, _ she thinks, mixed in with the pain, and she won’t ever have to  _ hurt _ again in the Force but she’ll never  _ love _ either, and he--he needs her, she  _ promised. _

It’s like swimming upstream.

The current doesn’t want to let her go, and she thrashes and struggles, grabs onto the bonds and holds tight, lets them guide her back to where she  _ belongs, _ and it  _ hurts _ it hurts it hurts but she keeps going, hunting for the name she can’t recall. The one she’d promised. She has to find him.

She has to  _ remember. _

It’s the hardest thing she’s ever done.

_ Cyare, _ she thinks, remembers the word--that’s closer, that’s one step closer to the name, to, to, to--

**_Rex!_ **

And it hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has in her life, every inch of her body in  _ agony. _

Ahsoka can’t even  _ scream. _

~~~

Rex knows she’s back because he hears his own name before all he feels from her is  _ pain _ , white-hot and everywhere, but he doesn’t retreat from her thoughts, just presses in closer and projects every ounce of the relief that’s forcing tears from his eyes. It’s the most natural thing in the world to run his hand over her cheek, lean down and press light kisses to her lips and forehead and nose and brow because she’s  _ here _ and he thought, he thought-

He doesn’t want to consider it now. He tilts his forehead against hers, closes his eyes, weathers the pain beating at him across their connection and sends back warmth and love and  _ thank you, Soka, I’m so proud, we’re safe _ . He senses she at least hears that because he feels a soft hum of love in the middle of the agony and it helps.

(He’s dimly aware that he  _ hurts _ but it doesn’t matter, not right now.)

“Ner’jetii,” he breathes, soft, “Mesh’la, cyar’ika jetii.”

~~~

They call him Brii because  _ briikase _ is too long in a combat situation.

It means happy.

He’s never felt  _ less _ happy in his short, accelerated life.

His brothers, his  _ vod’e, _ are dead, and  _ he killed them. _ He killed brothers. They didn’t do anything wrong, but he killed them anyway, and--and--and he doesn’t  _ understand. _ Why? What was the  _ point _ of all this? Because Commander Tano and Captain Rex and the rest of the squad discovered something secret?

He just wants to  _ understand. _

Brii crouches down next to yet another crumpled body encased in spotless white armor; there’s nothing to distinguish this one from the next (and isn’t that ironic, in a way, the faceless soldiers of the Republic really  _ are _ faceless in a way, they all have the same face) except that Brii  _ knows _ this one.

This is his  _ batchmate, _ his best friend, Stiff, the  _ vod _ who’d given Brii his name. Brii had named Stiff, too. On accident.

There’s a blackened hole in the white armor just over Stiff’s heart.

Brii doesn’t know who shot him, but he doesn’t think it  _ matters; _ maybe he didn’t shoot Stiff, not directly, but he might as well have. He killed  _ brothers. _

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Tup crouches down beside him and just puts a hand on his shoulder, says, “Good job,  _ vod.” _

It shouldn’t be comforting.

It is.

The Commander is--not dead, but close to dead, and Kix might be too, and a part of him recognizes that  _ General Skywalker _ is there but somehow that just feels… unimportant, childish, now. His brothers are  _ dead. _

He  _ killed them. _

~~~

Everything is so blessedly  _ quiet _ .

It's peaceful and light and he wants to walk here  _ forever _ , that would be perfect. Healing vibrates in the air and he loves it, loves how everything feels like it's coming together, repairing, recovering from - he doesn't know.

_ Hello, little one. _

He does remember this voice, his bones recognize it, and he responds easily, naturally.  _ Hey, vod.  _ The word comes from… somewhere, seems to fit, but for some reason it seems to amuse the voice - the Force, because there's a hum of not-quite-laughter.

_ You're safe now, Kix _ , and the name feels important but maybe that's just because the Force is saying it.  _ Time to let go. _

He's not totally sure what that means.  _ Let go of what? _

_ Them. _

Kix doesn't think that should make him feel anxious - but the healing peace hums and soothes over the anxiety.

_ I warned you you would burn, little one. This is what happens. _ (There's an image of a thought process, of someone saying “I don't care if I burn.)

Yes, the Force had told him a few times, he thinks. Why didn't he listen, he- He thinks it was something about his… friends?

_ What happens if I don't let go? _

_ You must, or it will hurt. _

Kix frowns, digging for the reason why he doesn't want to just... sink into the healing and give up the idea of  _ before here. _

Something _ \- someone? _ \- is prickling in the back of his mind and he doesn't really want to pay it mind but he does, mostly unperturbed.

_ Little one, you must release them,  _ the Force sighs, and Kix doesn't remember much of anything, there's no need for it, but he can't quite dismiss the feeling - he's sure it's a voice - saying that he has to  _ come back _ .

But here is nice and safe and warm and calm and he thinks he should be allowed a rest, because… because before he was  _ so tired _ . And this is a place that  _ heals things _ and he remembers that's something he loves.

Someone is still trying to get his attention and he doesn't want to deal with it.

_ Make a decision, little one, _ the Force says, sounding heavy.  _ If you don't let go, this will be harder _ .

_ What will? Would you just talk straight to me?  _ Kix’s irritation is a warm burst of sharpness before the peace eases it away.

_ You are going to die, little one. If you cannot let go of them, this will hurt you _ .

From somewhere, a memory comes, like a breeze.

( _ He lost the will to live, Jesse, there wasn't anything left for me to do. _

His  _ vod _ doesn't know how to accept that.  _ Why would anyone just give up? _ he'd said.

_ Because it hurt too much, and he was too damaged.  _ Kix sees it too often.)

And, carried with the memory, a voice -  _ Jesse’s voice _ \- saying “I know it hurts but you have to come back. We need you, you can't just give up.”

_ Kix, you are dying. This is not a matter of willing yourself awake, _ the Force says, sweeps the memory and Jesse’s voice away, and that isn't right.

_ Give him back, _ he protests, and the peace tugs at him and it's wonderful but it means losing Jesse and his name and-

_ Here you are, Kix. _ The new voice is… nice, gentle, amused. Kix should recognize it, he thinks, but he can't.

_ This one is too far gone, Jedi, _ the Force says, and Kix frowns. There's a thread of something pulsing and alive through the peace now and when he reaches for it, it's  _ pain _ , but also memory.

_ Give me what I ask for, _ the voice commands.  _ Let me heal him. Now. _

_ He deserves to rest, Jedi. Let him go. _

Kix doesn't want to be let go, doesn't want to let go himself. Because memory is important. Because Jesse doesn't want him to give up. Because he thinks someone  _ needs _ him.

So he reaches towards the Force, cuts off its piqued conversation with the voice- Obi-Wan Kenobi.  _ Please, vod. I'm still needed. _

He senses the Force is almost  _ angry _ with him.  _ You are foolish, little one. _

_ Please. _

The Force  _ sighs _ like wind through trees, and power coalesces, the healing peace shifting. And Kix feels memory and awareness rushing back, and with them

**_pain._ **

~~~

Rex is softly crying, curled over Ahsoka, murmuring to her in Mando’a. His Padawan is alive, awake, but not responsive--which, Anakin supposes, is only to be  _ expected _ given how much  _ pain _ she’s in. 

“Obi-Wan,” he says, trying to keep his voice from shaking, and his Master looks up from Kix--from  _ Kix, _ kriffing Kix, a Force-sensitive, what the  _ kriff, _ why does no one ever tell him this stuff--and Obi-Wan is exhausted already but this is  _ important. _ “I’ve done everything I can, but--I’m no good at Force-healing, and she’s bad, Master.”

Obi-Wan nods, says, “Cody, help get the wounded into a medbay,” to which the 212th’s Commander nods and salutes, sharply, and then Obi-Wan stands slowly and makes his way over to Ahsoka.

She looks so  _ small, _ curled up like this, her body riddled with blaster wounds, and he  _ wants _ to stay with her but there’s something important here, and he really  _ really _ wants to know why the  _ kriff _ his men all have their heads shaved and bandages everywhere and why are Ahsoka’s lightsabers  _ silver _ and Rex’s arm in a sling and--he stands, distantly noticing that all the shinies come to attention almost instinctively--side effect of that Force-command he’d used, he supposes.

That, and he  _ is _ a war hero, the Hero With No Fear.

He frowns a little, turns in a circle, counting the men in 501st blue-- “Tup, Dogma, Jesse, Fives, Rex, Kix, Tuck,” and they look over at him, saluting wearily.

Except Jesse, who’s talking to Kix in a steady stream of soft, rippling Mando’a and quietly crying. “Damn you,  _ ori’vod,” _ he says roughly, and Anakin has to turn away, because this is private, this is not meant for him.

Tup has his hand on the shoulder of one of the shinies, who’s crying over the body of another one--his batchmate, maybe? Probably the kid’s first battle, and that’s a shame. This isn’t a good first battle.

“Yes, sir?” Fives finally asks, looking  _ exhausted _ and pained and kriff, something  _ had _ to have happened to put that much sheer raw  _ anguish _ in the ARC trooper’s eyes.

“Can somebody  _ please _ tell me what the  _ kriffing hell _ happened here?”

There’s a long silence, Fives glancing over at Dogma, then at Tup, then at Tuck. The assistant medic is swaying on his feet, but his hands are steady as he organizes a jar of bacta (where the kriff did they get that?), a couple small bacta patches, painkillers, bandages. Impressive. He probably deserves a promotion.

“It’s complicated,” Fives finally says, and Anakin has to resist the urge to snap because  _ obviously. _ “We got Rex out in time, and then the Commander had some kind of Force thing, and we had to barricade ourselves in a lab while she and Rex snapped out of it. She said something about shatterpoints?”

Anakin nods. He’d felt the shatterpoint hit--kriff, every single Force-sensitive, Jedi or not, probably felt it. It was a  _ big _ one. “Right, keep going.”

Fives falls silent, shifting, looking down at his feet, and it’s Tup--wandering over, the shiny trailing behind him--who picks up the thread of the story. “She was trying to tell us what she’d seen when she said--” and he hesitates. “An auditory trigger I can’t say right now. She accidentally said it and we all just--”

He stops, looks down, shoulders shaking.

“Every clone trooper has an organic biochip implanted in their brain,” Tuck says swiftly, all business, like he’s reciting a diagnosis or something, and Anakin swallows because he can’t dismiss the foreboding and horror sitting heavy in his gut. “The chips are programmed to take over when activated by an auditory trigger, giving orders to  _ kill the Jedi.” _

Kill the Jedi.

But that means--

“No,” Anakin breathes out, staggering back a step, because that’s not  _ possible. _ That means that his men aren’t--aren’t his  _ troopers, _ they’re his  _ death sentence. _ “But that would wipe the Jedi out--”

“Commander Tano thought that’s the point,” the shiny says carefully, a bit nervously, and looking at him Anakin sees he also has a bandage on his temple. 

“So you  _ attacked _ Ahsoka?” Anakin finally asks, and  _ none _ of them can meet his eyes.

He swears, because this isn’t  _ their fault, _ but--but he knows whose fault it  _ is, _ and lucky for him he’s not very far away from them. The Kaminoans. “Kriffing  _ cloners,” _ he spits out, anger rising, and they almost  _ killed his Padawan _ and he wants to make them  _ pay _ and--

“Master,” a faint,  _ faint _ voice whispers, taut with pain and emotion, “I’m not--dead. Remember--Tatooine.”

Remember Tatooine.

Anakin  _ snarls _ out a swear, ignores how literally  _ every kriffing trooper _ except Rex flinches, and he slams his fist into the wall and leans his forehead into it, shoulders trembling. Remember Tatooine. As though he could ever  _ forget-- _

But he almost  _ had, _ he’d almost done it  _ again, _ and a wave of sickening revulsion swamps him in self-hatred and  _ shame. _ “Snips,” he murmurs, drops to his knees again beside her, because she  _ has _ to be okay. She’ll be okay. She  _ will. _ “I’m so  _ sorry.” _

Her eyes flicker open, unfocused and vague, but she’s  _ looking _ at him and there were a few moments where he thought she might never look at him again, he might never see her smile again, and-- “‘S fine, Skyguy,” she slurs, and then she sucks in a sharp, gasping breath, closing her eyes. “ _ Ow _ . Where--Rex?”

~~~

Rex grabs her hand and threads his fingers between hers, wants to kiss her again but General Kenobi is here and Anakin and his men need him again. “Hey, Soka,” he says softly, keeping up his projection of love so maybe her pain won’t be so bad. Kenobi’s helped, he can tell, but it’s still so  _ much _ . “You’re okay,” he says, more of the same reassuring nonsense. His battalion and the 212th are working their way through the wounded, some of them shinies, a very few of them their own. Rex’s own squad members don’t let Scratch or the other field medics near them, and he understands. They’d have to leave and get to the ship and they aren’t going until they all can.

Kenobi looks pained and tired, although that’s mostly just a tightness around his eyes and mouth - he’s much more controlled than Anakin, always has been.

“General,” Rex says, and he doesn’t quite feel like he  _ can _ talk to Kenobi, not knowing how close he and his brothers had been to killing Ahsoka - Cody is going to want the surgery  _ now _ when he hears. “Is Kix okay?”

Kenobi sighs roughly, glancing over at the medic. Jesse is still sitting by him, and won’t let Scratch take him. Scratch is angry, but Rex doesn’t care and neither, apparently, does Jesse. “He’s not  _ okay _ ,” he says shortly. “He’s  _ apparently _ been suppressing the Force for years and then he decided to throw himself headfirst into it. That’s not even mentioning his injuries. But he’s stabilized now, anyway.” Kenobi gives him a sharp look and Rex automatically looks down, curling his fingers tighter around Ahsoka’s. “How long have you all known? Is this another of those many secrets you’re keeping from me, because if so, we’re going to need to have a conversation - all of us. I can’t keep finding out about these things when it’s too late for me to help.”

“No, sir,” Rex says. “None of us knew.” Except perhaps Jesse, he thinks, looking at his  _ vod’s _ pained face.

“Wonderful,” Kenobi sighs, starting to stand up and swaying, nearly falling. Rex can’t really stand himself, but thankfully Anakin gets to his feet and takes the General’s arm.

“Master, you’ve overextended yourself.”

“It was rather important, Anakin,” Kenobi snaps, and Rex looks down at Ahsoka’s face. She’s closed her eyes again and that sends a thrill of anxiety up his spine, even though he can feel that she’s still awake, still here. He should get up, should check on his squad, should talk Brii through the almost inevitable first battle guilt and panic, should go help Jesse, should get everyone  _ moving _ but. He’s exhausted and his Generals are both here and Cody is overseeing the medics. He can worry about his squad in a bit.

Later. When he doesn’t feel like if he looks away from Ahsoka he’ll lose her.

He startles when someone puts a hand on his shoulder and then crouches next to him - it’s Fives, and his friend looks as tired as he feels, but he’s  _ there _ and it helps. “She’s gonna be okay,  _ vod _ ,” Fives says, and Rex nods. “We should go. She needs a bacta tank and your arm isn’t looking so good either.”

“My…?” Rex stops, focuses, and  _ oh kriff _ . Ow. There’s a hole in his left arm and he’d assumed the pain was just from Ahsoka, like the rest, but he  _ hurts _ .

“Yeah,  _ vod _ , I didn’t think you’d noticed, you were…” Fives shrugs and Rex knows what he’s saying.

“I didn’t,” he says, gritting his teeth. “Now I do,  _ kriffing hells _ .”

They should go, get the kriff off this planet and leave and go home. He wants to sleep, wants to make sure all his men can finally rest too. The uninjured shinies are all still awkwardly milling around the room, and he wants to say something to them, wants to tell them that his squad doesn’t hate them, doesn’t blame them, because they will remember this for a long time. But he doesn’t know how and he can’t focus enough, at all.

At least later he can take the time to talk to the kid, Brii.

But  _ later _ , he’ll worry about that  _ later _ .

_ Ahsoka, I’m tired,  _ he thinks, and she does respond, with a wave of gentleness.

_ Me too _ .

He avoids the memory digging at the back of his mind, of  _ promises _ . Promises the clones don’t make lightly, things… he doesn’t know. Now isn’t the time.  _ Later _ .

~~~

Tup is  _ tired. _

This entire mission has just been bantha-shit from start to finish, and too many  _ vod’e _ are dead (there shouldn’t be  _ any, _ you just don’t kill brothers, you don’t  _ do that), _ and his Commander looks like death, and Kix is--not good, and--

And the kid, Brii, is  _ crying. _

“Hey, kid,” Tup says gently. “Batchmate?”

Brii nods, swallows. “We--named each other.”

Kriff. First battle, too. He doesn’t know what to say--there’s nothing  _ to _ say--so he just nods quietly in acknowledgement.

“What if--” and Brii stops, hesitates. “What if it was me?”

_ Double _ kriff. “You did what you had to,” Tup says gruffly. “None of this should’ve happened. But it did, and we can’t change that, so we learn to live with it.” That’s awful advice, but it’s the advice he’d been given after  _ his _ first battle, minus the whole  _ this shouldn’t have happened _ bit. And once he’d understood it, it  _ had _ helped. Sorta.

“But--I killed  _ vod’e,” _ and the kid doesn’t seem to be able to get past that.

Neither would Tup, if he let himself think about it. So he doesn’t. “Don’t think about it,” he urges, and notices then that Fives has Ahsoka in his arms and Rex is  _ really _ unsteady on his feet but next to the ARC trooper (surprise…), and Jesse’s got Kix and his glare promises  _ death _ to anyone who tries to separate them. His squad is moving out. “C’mon, kid, time to go.”

Kenobi is leaning against the wall and arguing with Cody over something, Tup’s not sure what--and then the General sways and almost collapses, and Cody simply picks him up and says, loudly, “Opinion noted, sir.”

Well, that answers that. Tup has to grin a little. Brii looks shocked, probably by Cody’s refusal to  _ listen. _ “They do that a lot,” he says, and the kid jumps.

“Really?”

“Kenobi is stubborn. Damn Jedi don’t know what’s good for them,” he says, rolls his eyes. “Even General Skywalker gets like that sometimes.”

“Oh.” 

That word is  _ quickly _ becoming a sign that Brii has  _ no kriffing idea _ what’s going on, but doesn’t want to keep asking questions, and Tup sighs, feeling a fond grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Well, you survived your first battle, kid. I guess that means you aren’t a shiny anymore. You’ll have to put some color on that white armor of yours.”

“We don’t get to paint our armor,” Brii says quickly. “Here. On Kamino. We aren’t part of a battalion, so we don’t get paint.” He looks  _ disappointed _ at that.

“You like painting?” Tup asks.

And the kid  _ glows. _ “Yes, sir! When I was a cadet, I used to draw what I’d put on my armor! I give tattoos, too,” and he smiles shyly. “My batchmates say I’m really good at them.”

The kid’s a kriffing  _ artist. _ “Well,” Tup says, fighting a laugh, “the 501st needs a good artist. And someone to give us new tattoos. Did you know, the Captain doesn’t even have  _ one?” _

Brii’s eyes go wide and round, and kriff but he’s adorable when he does that. “Really?”

“Really.” Tup spares a moment of pity for Rex, but not much. “Welcome to the 501st, Brii.”

~~~

Rex doesn’t know if he’s ever been happier to get back to the  _ Resolute _ and the cold metal floors and the near-constant sound of the engines humming. They want him to go to the medbay right away, and it’s only Tuck’s insistence that it’ll be fine, that they’ll all be there, that gets him to listen. His whole little squad goes, and what feels like half of the rest of the battalion. Part of him is a small voice warning that he’s going to run out of adrenaline and fear and energy and strength soon, now that he’s  _ safe _ , and so he listens to Tuck and stays at Fives’ shoulder, close to Ahsoka.

Some of his men don’t need anything from the med bay other than rest (because fighting after a brain surgery is possibly not ideal, Rex thinks), but he suspects even if they were all perfectly healthy they’d show up anyway.

Scratch has come on board the  _ Resolute _ with them, probably since neither of their medics are in any shape to be managing a whole squad (and then some) of injured and traumatized troopers. Tuck is still in charge for now, and he lets Rex stay on his feet until Ahsoka is safely laid out on a bunk, then he makes him lie down on the bunk next to hers and pull off his armor and boots. Rex  _ hurts _ , and he’d messed up his shoulder again when he was trying to get to Ahsoka.

“Please at least  _ try _ to rest, Captain,” Tuck sighs, and Rex nods.

“You need to, too, Tuck. You did really good.”

The assistant medic smiles a little. “Thanks.”

Everything is just… hollow.

Scratch is working on Ahsoka and Tuck (despite the fact that he really needs rest) is taking care of Kix and some junior medic is bandaging Rex’s wounds and making him drink water every few minutes. At some point Anakin comes into the med bay, pulls a chair between Rex and Ahsoka’s bunks, and sits down with his elbows on his knees, just waiting.

Rex wants to ask him all kinds of questions but his brain has more or less shut down and he feels slow and weak and stupid, can’t really even think straight. At least that way, though, the pain feels more distant, less immediate, like it belongs to someone else. Most of the time. Every now and then it all knifes back into focus, sharp and clear and loud and he tenses, groans, breathes through it. He just wants to sleep but he can’t. He’s not sure why not.

~~~

Tuck is moving almost on autopilot as he cleans the myriad of blaster wounds all over Kix’s body; he’s exhausted and his legs are trembling, like they might give out at any moment, but his hands are steady and that’s the important thing. It feels almost like everything extra has been pared away, leaving him empty and hollow, laser-focused on his task. Kix and the Commander need bacta tanks. So does the Captain, probably. Brii, the shiny, had gotten shot in his right shoulderblade at some point and hadn’t even  _ noticed _ until Tup saw the scorchmarks on the kid’s armor. Tup, Jesse, Fives, and Dogma are all on bunks, resting, under observation to make sure the surgery doesn’t have any previously unforeseen complications.

Kix still needs his chip out.

Rex won’t  _ go to sleep. _

The same line of thoughts circles around and around and around his head, like a flock of carrion birds, and he swallows hard, clings to the comforting familiarity of medical procedures and every technique he’s ever learned for how to keep his hands steady in poor conditions, because the simple, clinical nature of those thoughts blocks out the hissing whisper he can’t quite forget.

_ Good soldiers follow orders. _

And he  _ had. _

Blindly, without even questioning, he’d heard  _ good soldiers follow orders _ and  _ kill the Jedi _ and just like in the nightmares he’d  _ listened. _

Rex needs to sleep, so Tuck steps away from Kix for a moment, grabs a sedative, and hides it in his palm, walking over and grabbing Rex’s arm like he’s inspecting the bandage. Before the Captain is aware of what he’s  _ really _ doing, Tuck’s pulled out the sedative and injected it. “Nighty-night, Cap,” he says casually,  _ too _ casually, knows the General and Scratch and others are staring at him because he doesn’t  _ talk _ like that, doesn’t care.

“What the kriff,” Rex starts, and then the sedative takes effect and his voice slurs a bit as he drifts. “I’m going to kill you later…”

“You do that,” Tuck mutters, walks away.

Who says he hasn’t picked up a few tricks from Kix?

Kix.

The senior medic needs his chip out, now.

Tuck starts laying out the tools for the surgery, mechanical, methodical: a scalpel, and gauze, and a pair of forceps, and a shallow pan to catch the chip. He finds an IV stand and a bag, preps the anesthesia, calculates the timing as precisely as he can.

Clean gloves.

Cotton swab, sterilize Kix’s elbow, insert the IV needle. His aim is accurate and his hands are steady, and he finds the vein on the first try. He hooks up the tubes, starts the drip. 

Clean gloves.

“Tuck,” someone says, and he looks up to see Scratch at his right elbow. “What the kriff are you doing?”

“I have to get his chip out,” Tuck says calmly. 

“Tuck, you’re about to  _ fall over.” _

Tuck shrugs. That’s not a priority. “My hands are steady. I’ve done this seven times already, Scratch. I know what I’m doing.” He thinks his voice is too flat, but there’s no extra energy for emotion. He turns back to Kix’s head, starts shaving away the carefully styled hair (Kix is going to be  _ so disappointed _ when he wakes up).

Scratch doesn’t grab his elbow, if only because the 212th’s senior medic knows better than to jolt his hands while he has a razor blade against Kix’s  _ head. _ “Tuck,  _ listen _ to me,  _ vod. _ You’re kriffing dead on your feet. Let me do this.”

“You don’t know how.” That doesn’t quite sound like he’d meant it to.

“I’m a kriffing  _ senior medic. _ If  _ you _ can do it, so can I.”

“You don’t know where to look,” which is more what he’d meant the first time, though it just sounds like another excuse.

“So I’ll run a molecular-level bioscan and find it,” Scratch says, patiently. “You need to  _ sleep.” _

Tuck shakes his head (and then sways, because  _ kriff _ that makes him dizzy), panic surging through him. “I  _ can’t!” _

Because what if he wakes up and it  _ wasn’t _ the chips, what if it was just  _ him _ all along? What if he wakes up and the nightmare is real again? What if when he falls asleep the orders take over and he wakes up and he’s  _ killed them _ and--

“Easy, easy,” Scratch says, quickly, pulls the razor from Tuck’s hand and sets it down, puts his hands on his shoulders and turns Tuck to face him. “Breathe,  _ vod. _ It’s over, you’re safe, the Commander is safe,” except she’s  _ not, _ she could still die and, and, and, “Reese,” Scratch says, and one of the junior medics comes over, “run a molecular-level bioscan on Kix, locate that biochip, and finish surgery prep. I’ll be right back.” Reese salutes, and Scratch takes Tuck by the hand, leads him over to an empty bunk and sits him down. “Talk to me,  _ vod.” _

He doesn’t want to say it aloud, doesn’t want to admit what he’d done, because then that makes this all  _ real. _ “I tried to kill Commander Tano,” he says anyway, looking down at his hands so he doesn’t have to meet Scratch’s eyes.

“Because of the chip, I know,” the medic says, and Tuck’s fear bursts out of him before he can swallow it back.

“But what if it  _ wasn’t?” _ He’s panicking and he can’t seem to breathe and his hands are  _ not _ steady anymore and he can’t  _ stop shaking _ and he has to stop shaking, he has to, he needs his hands to be steady, shaky hands could kill  _ vod’e _ and he’s killed  _ vod’e _ today but his hands weren’t shaking then, his hands and his blaster were steady as he aimed and fired, aimed and fired, and his blaster wasn’t set to stun, and he was  _ shooting to kill,  _ and--

“Tuck, would you  _ ever _ try to kill the Commander, in your right mind?” Scratch asks, patient and soft and calm, and Tuck shakes his head because  _ no, never, _ he would  _ never! _ He’s a medic, not a soldier.

“No--I’ve--I’ve spent too much time and effort patching her up to just kill her,” he manages.

Scratch grins. “Then it was the chip. Sleep well,  _ vod,” _ and he squeezes Tuck’s bare arm where he’d rolled the sleeves of his blacks up to get them out of the way.

He almost doesn’t register the prick of a needle against his skin, but when he does, he swears, because that’s using his own trick against him, that’s  _ cheating… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANDO'A TRANSLATIONS (you guys know the drill with some of these):
> 
> Mhi solus tome [...] mhi me'dinui an: those Mandalorian marriage vows again (are they technically married now? does it not count? who knows! not us)
> 
> Gedet'ye: please
> 
> Mesh'la, cyarika jetii: Beautiful, darling Jedi.
> 
> Ori'vod: big brother/very close friend


	5. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, so this monstrosity is _finally_ done! not gonna lie, we're both pretty sad this fic is over. we've really enjoyed writing it for you! while this is definitely the climax of this series, we still have one more fic left, in which we'll be wrapping up the loose ends of Dooku and Sidious and the war, etc; we also have at least one fluffy oneshot coming up, and we're working on the second chapter of "at war with love", which will focus on the time between the last chapter and this epilogue, as well as post-epilogue and further on.

Rex still isn’t supposed to walk much, and not by himself if he can help it. He always insists he’s  _ fine _ but each time he tries, like now, he discovers it’s so much  _ harder _ than he thought. He gets a lot of headaches and he’s already dizzy - Tuck said something about the surgery and Anakin said something about his exposure to the Force and there’s the matter of his shoulder and arm and the simple  _ exhaustion _ of it all.

But today’s the first day Ahsoka’s being allowed out of bed, so kriff dizziness and headaches and weariness, he’s not staying cooped up in the barracks.

He thinks he might need to sit down and put his head between his knees by the time he meets Kenobi and Anakin and the rest of his squad outside the med bay. Kix isn’t doing as well as Ahsoka, probably because he’s never had to recover from anything like this before, so Tuck’s still keeping a close eye on him.

Anakin pats him on his better shoulder and leaves his hand there, and Rex knows it’s a subtle offer of support. He takes it, leans a bit into his General and closes his eyes for a second.

“Doing alright,  _ vod? _ ” Anakin asks, quietly.

“Been better, been worse,” Rex answers. That’s become his standard answer to that question, because it’s true, and doesn’t really let out all the mess in his head.

Tuck comes to the door to let them in (he’s become  _ very _ strict about visitors, or more about making sure he always knows  _ who’s in the room _ ) and gives Rex a very familiar, very weary scowl.

“I keep telling you not to just walk over here, Rex.”

“I didn’t, I got Fives to come walk with me.”

“He’s lying,” Fives says gruffly, and Rex shakes his head and frowns. Kriff Fives.

_ Hey, Rexter _ .

_ Hey, cyare _ . He peers around Tuck, looking for Soka so he can catch her eyes, and Tuck clears his throat.

“You and I are going to talk later, Captain.”

“Sure.” Rex doesn’t  _ care _ and his head hurts (and Tuck shoves a glass of water and pills into his hands like he usually does). Ahsoka’s not in her bunk and he reminds himself that’s  _ good _ , but he doesn’t know where she  _ is _ \- and then Tuck points towards the little room off the med bay that Rex thinks has extra seating and caf and blankets and those sorts of things. He definitely walks faster than he should (and he definitely needs to find somewhere to sit down before he falls) but he makes it into the little room (he’s never really gone in because what use does he have for it, it’s just a couch and some armchairs) and Ahsoka is curled up on the couch with a blanket and it’s all he can do not to just run to her and pull her into his arms, close and safe and  _ his _ .

“Hey,” he says, feels a little silly. He hesitates, but he pads over and sits down on the couch next to her (and  _ kriff _ that helps the dizziness), reaches for her hand. He's a little afraid, still, to do more - she'd only gotten out of bacta a week ago and Tuck hasn't let them be too close because he says Soka needs to be stronger.

“Hey,” she answers, tugs lightly on his hand, and he obliges and scoots closer to her, slips his arm around her shoulders (and he's so careful, he doesn't want to hurt her), and pulls her towards him, against his shoulder. “Good to see you.”

He wants to  _ hold her _ , wants to kiss her till he can’t breathe and he forgets his headache. But he can't, because they're both still healing, so he just kisses her forehead. “You too. Feeling okay?”

She shrugs. “Kind of.” She projects a little bit of pain and tiredness at him and then shields it again, replaces it with love and a feeling of  _ happiness  _ that he's here.

He can't help it, he tightens his arm around her and closes his eyes, sinks into her mind where it's safe. “Me too,” he says.

She slips an arm around his waist and angles into him, humming a little. “I'm tired,” she says, and he snorts a little. He hasn't actually been well-rested in weeks.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Well, if you listened to Tuck and didn't wander around so much maybe you'd be less tired.”

Rex grumbles under his breath, something a little too rude in Mando’a that he hasn't taught her yet (there are some phrases she  _ does not _ need to know). Ahsoka gets his meaning though because she twists and glares at him.

“I can't believe you.”

“Tuck scolds me enough. You're supposed to take my side, here.”

“Since when?”

“I don't know, Soka, since ages ago.” He kisses the corner of her mouth and she wrinkles her nose.

“I'm getting mixed signals here, are you annoyed at me or not?”

“Kriffing furious,” he whispers, kissing her again, properly, still gently.

~~~

Ahsoka hums, curling into Rex, closing her eyes and melting into the kiss.  _ I love you, Rex, _ she thinks, unwilling to break away long enough to actually say the words.

Rex does pull back, murmurs, “I love you too,  _ ner’jetii,” _ and then drops a light kiss to the tip of her nose.

And the warmth and love flowing through her (most of it her own, some of it spilling over the bond) is enough to block out the lingering pain (most of the blaster wounds are… healed to an extent, but she still has a couple weeks of physical therapy to go through before she’ll be able to start  _ slowly _ running through her lightsaber forms again), so she rests her head on his shoulder, basks in the feel of his arms secure around her.

Something’s been bothering her the last two weeks, though, and she feels when Rex picks up on that, sending her a light questioning thought, a sort of  _???  _ feeling.

She hesitates before answering him, though, because she’s not entirely sure he’s  _ ready _ for this, if he even  _ wants _ to have this conversation, but she takes a deep breath and thinks of the memory of being nearly one with the Force, of  _ floating, _ and of the promise that called her back, and then she asks him, tentative, almost afraid of the answer,  _ You said goodbye with--did you mean the vows? _

~~~

Rex shields his initial reaction, fast, but he knows she can still feel him stiffen. He doesn’t want to talk about this now, although he knows himself well enough to know that all the excuses he makes about timing and their pain and the fact that his squad is just outside in the med bay are just that: excuses.

He rests his chin between her montrals, humming a little to stave off the anxiety he senses she’s feeling. She’s half in his lap at this point and he just wants to hold her close and kiss her and not think about  _ that _ .

He had thought he was going to lose himself entirely. In the face of everything else that had happened, it had been forgotten for a while, but he had almost become just a number again, almost been  _ lost _ . He might as well have been dying.

But he can't pretend he didn't mean it. He's known for ages that she’s the only person he could ever make those vows to. But if he'd thought about it, it had never truly been an option, and hardly something he could just… ask her for.

Not a promise to be made without asking her first, certainly.

He's been silent for too long, and she's getting really worried, he can feel it, but he doesn't really want to do this now.

She'd said the vows back and he knows, had felt, that she knew what they meant. And that scares him because none of that was meant to happen the way it has and- and they're  _ technically _ , from a purely literal standpoint, married.

But it doesn't count and now when he thinks about the vows they taste like loss.

He answers out loud because out loud it's easier to control how much or how little he shares - right now he doesn't want to lower his shields. “I… I said them because I wanted to and I thought I'd never get another chance.” Death makes people honest, he supposes. “So I meant them. Did you mean them, when you said them?”

He doesn't know how to explain that it doesn't feel right that they'd made those promises when they were losing each other. Promises like that should belong to the sun and dancing and freedom, not to the dying.

~~~

Rex takes so long to answer that Ahsoka almost starts to panic, because what if he really didn’t, or what if this was a bad question to ask, or--

And then he answers, says he meant them (past tense, she tries not to worry too much about what that means), and he asks her if she meant them.

She takes a moment to consider the question first, before she answers. She doesn’t think he’ll really respond to a simple  _ yes _ or  _ no, _ not all that well anyway, so in lieu of words she sends him a memory:

_ Calm, happy, peaceful, floating in the Force, free of war and pain and sorrow and anger, and she  _ **_wants_ ** _ to stay, and the Force asks her if she wants to break her bonds and she almost says yes, because she doesn’t want to go back, she wants to  _ **_float,_ ** _ but-- _

_ But she’d  _ **_promised._ **

_ She’d made a promise, and she has to keep that, because promises are forever, unbreakable, and she cannot remember the name she knows is there but he needs her and she promised. _

_ So she reaches for the pain, even though it  _ **_hurts._ **

~~~

Rex doesn't know how to  _ accept _ that and for a moment he just lets himself project love and wonder at her, his breath hitching in his chest because… because she had  _ promised _ , had meant it as a promise that she wouldn't break, and that's…

For him? He doesn't  _ understand _ , still, and he sets aside his worries for a moment and leans into her, runs his fingers lightly over her back headtail, kisses her fierce.  _ Mesh’la Soka, _ he thinks, humming softly.

He wants to say something to show how  _ much _ he feels and how much he meant the vows, but none of this is so simple and he feels, ridiculously, like he wants to make sure she doesn't think they are married because, well, because they ought to be on the same page about that.

And he just wishes it had all been  _ different _ . He's so tired of nearly losing her, of the tiny part of him that had resolved never to say those vows because deep down he's been sure it's  _ just a matter of time _ . “Ahsoka,  _ ner’jetii _ , it's just… I don't know, I… I didn't want it to be like that, and-”

“Hey, get yourselves decent, we're coming in!” someone hollers, definitely  _ kriffing Fives _ , and then the whole squad and Obi and Ani troops in through the doorway and Rex settles for an arm around Ahsoka’s waist, her legs slung over his lap, since really he doesn't need his men whistling at him any more than they already do.

Poor Brii still looks extremely embarrassed when he sees them - but the kid seems to be getting over some of his jitters these days. Rex hasn't admitted as much to anyone, but Brii’s cheerfulness makes everything brighter, some days.

~~~

Ahsoka finds herself silently swearing when Fives cuts off what Rex was saying, because she  _ needs _ him to explain. What does that even  _ mean? I didn’t want it to be like that. _ She huffs out a sigh, glares at Fives--who just smirks back, completely unrepentant.  _ We are  _ **_definitely_ ** _ talking about this more later, _ she tells Rex.

He doesn’t seem very pleased about that.

_ She _ isn’t very pleased with the fact that the entire kriffing  _ squad, _ minus Kix, decided to show up and interrupt the first time she gets to see Rex, out of bed, without Tuck hovering like a disgruntled mother hen. And of course, the moment they enter the room, Rex pulls back from her a little bit.

Well,  _ kriff that. _ She’s waited  _ two weeks _ for this, she’s not letting her squad get in the way.

Ahsoka rolls her eyes at Fives and presses closer to Rex, curling against his chest, basically in his lap, and she pulls her blanket snug around them both and tucks her head beneath his chin. Obi-Wan is grimacing a bit, and she sticks her tongue out at him (he rolls his eyes), because she’s not a Jedi anymore so she can do whatever she wants.

… to be fair, she pretty much did whatever she wanted  _ before, _ but whatever. Details.

“I like your armor, Brii,” she says with a small smile. It’s painted in 501st blue and green and accented with gold. “You’ll be the most colorful  _ vod _ in the entire GAR.”

The shiny  _ beams _ at the compliment, and his lingering embarrassment at the intimacy of Rex and Ahsoka’s position vanishes. “Thank you, Commander,” he says brightly.

“Sorry about the party, Snips,” Anakin says, shooting Fives a  _ look. _ “It was just supposed to be Obi-Wan and I, but Fives and the others insisted.”

Ahsoka laughs, rolls her eyes. “I’m not surprised, Skyguy. It’s  _ Fives, _ after all.”

~~~

Fives makes an offended face and Rex can’t help but smile (although he thinks that lately, most of Fives’ boisterousness and snark has been affected). “He didn’t say we couldn’t come,” he grumbles. “And we haven’t really been allowed in to see you, you know. I mean it’s partially our fault you’re stuck in here, so…” He says that like it’s a joke but Rex knows him well enough to catch the fleeting stab of pain in his eyes. His friend has been struggling to deal with all this.

Still. Kriff him for interrupting him - Rex knows Ahsoka is concerned about what he’d been going to say and it  _ is _ an important discussion they need to have. Which he just  _ loves _ .

“No, it’s not,” Ahsoka says firmly. “It was all a mess.”

That’s an understatement but Rex is getting used to this, the part where they all pretend everything is  _ fine _ and then they go back to fighting a war they can’t win.

Except this time there’s the matter of the Chancellor having been arrested for treason and for being a  _ Sith Lord _ \- that’s all anyone outside their battalion has been talking about. Everyone is, understandably, shaken and angry and confused and everything’s been derailed and missions are more or less on hold except for the vital ones.

Rex doesn’t really even  _ care _ . He hopes it all means the war is ending and maybe soon they can go home, wherever home is, but for now it’s just one more thing, and it’s hard enough for him to function just focusing on his men and his Jedi.

“So are you feeling better, sir?” Tup asks, smiling a little. His hair is growing back, which is good, but it’s going to take a while to get back to where it was - poor him. He’d been oddly proud of his hair.

“Fine, thanks,” Ahsoka says. “I’m just… really tired.”

Literally the entire squad nods, and Rex snorts, although it isn’t that funny.

~~~

Ahsoka smiles and curls against Rex and chats with her squad (whatever the GAR says, these men are  _ hers) _ for a while, but she’s fast growing tired and there was a  _ reason _ Anakin and Obi-Wan came, so she sends her Master a pleading thought.

“Right,” Anakin says, standing up and cutting Fives off in the middle of a story (something about how he woke up one morning to find that Brii had added a bunch of  _ colors _ to his tattoo while Fives was asleep, because Tup had bet Brii he couldn’t do it without waking Fives up but hadn’t said he couldn’t have help, and she’s actually  _ really _ curious how the shiny managed, she’ll have to get the rest of the story some other time), “everybody out. Jedi business.”

Fives grumbles good-naturedly but stands, grabs Jesse and Brii and drags the two out, something about  _ you owe me drinks, _ and she decides she does  _ not _ want to know.

Rex just glares, silently daring Anakin to say something.

Anakin doesn’t.

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan starts, getting her attention, “we’d like to talk to Kix now, if you’re feeling up to that.”

She nods. “Sure.” She’s  _ tired, _ but this is an important conversation, and anyway, the medics  _ always _ kick Rex out too soon, and she doesn’t want him to go. “Do I have to move?”

She doesn’t want to move. Rex’s arms are warm and safe around her, comforting, and she closes her eyes, nestles her head into the side of his neck and lets out a soft breath.  _ I miss you,  _ cyare.

~~~

_ I miss you too _ . Kriffing medics never let him stay as long as he wants, although Tuck tries to get them to let him. But Tuck is still just an assistant, so his opinion is more or less disregarded in that area.

“Tuck won’t let Kix out of bed,” Anakin says with a sigh. “So we’d probably better go to him.”

Rex feels Ahsoka wince at that, and he tightens his arms around her for a second.

_ I don’t want to move _ , Ahsoka grumbles.

_ I know. Me neither _ .

“I can carry you, Snips, and we’ll get you a good chair, but we should probably have this discussion with him as soon as possible before he accidentally overextends himself again.”

“Fine.” Ahsoka shifts in his lap and pulls her blanket off both of them, rolls it up and sets it on the end of the couch. Rex doesn’t want to let go of her but he knows he isn’t strong enough yet to carry her anywhere, and he doesn’t think she should walk, either. She doesn’t  _ want _ to walk, anyway. Anakin comes over, gives him a  _ look _ which Rex mostly ignores, and fits his arms under Ahsoka, carefully tucking her against his chest.

Rex resists a childish urge to reach for her hand and hold it while they walk; she’s  _ fine _ and Kenobi has to put up with enough as it is. And since Rex definitely intends to stay as close as possible to her the rest of the time he’s allowed in the med bay today, he might give Kenobi a small break. Kriffing General’s going to have to learn to manage all that disapproval one of these days.

Kix is propped up on pillows by one of the walls of the med bay, three layers of blankets pulled up to his chest. He looks weak and pale and tired, but he still smiles at them as they walk over. Tuck joins them, looking wary, as if he half expects them to start urging Kix to lift things with the Force or show off his lightsaber skills.

(Kix’s new saber is lying on a table by his bed, next to his blaster and medpac.)

Kenobi sits down on his bunk, by his feet, and Rex settles into a wide stance close by until a few junior medics come over with extra chairs for them and, thank the little gods, a blanket for Ahsoka.

He sits down and Anakin sets Ahsoka in her own chair as Kix says, “Hey,  _ vod _ . Generals. Commander. What do you need?” His voice is thready and weak and Rex frowns.

Ahsoka gets up out of her chair, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and he reaches out and grabs her arms because  _ Soka, you idiot, just stay sitting _ .

Tuck isn’t happy, but Rex has to admit it’s a comfort when she drops into his lap and leans back against his better shoulder, wriggling a little to get more comfortable. He can’t help a soft, amused snort as he wraps his arm around her to tug her closer against his chest.

_ Stop thinking I’m cute, Rex! _

He shrugs a little, trying not to smirk too much.  _ Oops _ .

~~~

Ahsoka hums contentedly and snuggles into Rex’s arms, determinedly ignoring Tuck’s pointed glare. She doesn’t  _ care. _ They don’t let her see Rex often enough, she  _ misses _ him, and she doesn’t  _ care _ if Tuck glares because Rex is here.

“We need to talk to you about your training,” Anakin says, and Kix winces.

“Look, sir, I appreciate it, but I  _ can’t,” _ Kix says. “I don’t want to be kriffing terminated.”

“Trust me, I have no intention of allowing that,” Obi-Wan says, firmly. “Kix, you’ve spent so long suppressing the Force that now that you’ve accepted it, you  _ have _ to learn to control it or you’ll have a repeat of Kamino.”

~~~

Kix looks away from Kenobi briefly and his eyes find Rex. He looks like he's asking for help, so Rex leans forward a little, ignores Ahsoka’s grumbling. He wishes he could project something to Kix like he can Soka, but he settles for talking. “No one's asking you to be a Jedi, Kix. They just want to make sure you know how to use the Force so you don't hurt yourself - right?”

“Right,” Anakin agrees. “We can make sure you know what to do with it so I don't lose my best medic.”

“But…” Kix sighs and closes his eyes a moment, grimacing. “They'd terminate me “

“We won't let them anywhere near you,” Ahsoka says, and Rex nods.

Kix frowns and twists his hands in his blanket, and Rex meets his eyes, tries to communicate a promise, that he won't let anyone take Kix like they took him.

“What do you _ want _ to learn?” Anakin asks, helpfully.

Rex can tell Kix doesn't want to answer, probably doesn't want to admit that he  _ does _ want to learn something with the Force. They aren't supposed to, he knows what the Kaminoans taught them. Force-sensitive clones just don't survive being cadets, and the longnecks made them think the Jedi didn't  _ care _ that clones were dying for having the Force.

Once Rex had met Anakin, he'd decided that  _ couldn't _ be true - but it just wasn't something the  _ vod’e _ talked about, not with each other, so certainly not with their Jedi.

“If I… had to, sir, then healing,” he says, of  _ course _ . Anakin grins, almost fondly, and Kenobi’s own smile is gentle, understanding.

“I can teach you that,” Kenobi says, and Rex can tell Kix  _ wants that,  _ bad, but he doesn't say so, just pulls back a little and looks down.

~~~

Kix doesn’t quite know what to do.

He  _ wants _ to learn to use the Force, to know when to stop, to be able to  _ not _ burn himself up (though if he’d just  _ listened _ to the Force everything would’ve been fine, honestly); he also wants to  _ not get terminated. _ And even though the Generals are promising they won’t let that happen, he remembers them promising Commander Tano and Rex they wouldn’t let Rex get reconditioned, and then Rex being taken to Kamino anyway.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust them, just that… they aren’t all-powerful. (Neither are the Kaminoans, a voice in the back of his mind whispers, but some training is too ingrained to be forgotten.)

“Once the Council hears about how Force-sensitive clones have been treated, they’ll put a stop to it,” General Skywalker adds, and Kix flinches without entirely meaning to.

“Sir, we  _ can’t--” _

“Do you trust me, Kix?”

Kix hesitates, nods miserably. “Yes, sir. With my life.” Obviously. He’s kriffing  _ General Skywalker, _ of course he trusts the Jedi. What a stupid question. “But the Jedi--”

“Are most certainly  _ not _ okay with this treatment,” Kenobi inserts firmly, “and I don’t believe many of them will agree with the type of conditioning the Kaminoans seem to be using.”

“It’s impressive you’ve survived as long as you have with how you’ve been suppressing the Force,” General Skywalker says, as though that should  _ mean _ something. “You don’t have to hide anymore, Kix. You’re already my best medic--why not pick up a little Force healing?  _ Someone _ on the  _ Resolute _ should be able to do it.” Unsaid is that  _ that someone is not me. _

Nor is it Commander Tano, from what Kix remembers of her attempt to heal Rex--clumsy, too much power improperly directed, and a lot of it wasted. Better to use less power more efficiently. Raw power doesn’t solve everything.

“Alright,” Kix finally says, still hesitant. “But only because I have to.” He’s lying. He  _ wants _ this, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. 

But on Kamino,  _ wanting _ is something forbidden. Weapons,  _ units, _ don’t  _ want. _

They survive.

~~~

“Wonderful,” Kenobi says, and Rex thinks the General is actually  _ excited _ . “Are you too tired, or can I teach you a meditation technique? It will help you get used to how the Force feels, and it will be good for your healing.”

Kix visibly hesitates, taking a short, nervous breath, then he nods. “Yes, sir, you can do that.” Rex tunes them out, more or less, because Ahsoka’s sleepiness is starting to bleed across the bond and make him feel fuzzy, and he was tired to begin with, and he suspects the medics won’t let him stay long if she falls asleep, so he has to take what time he has. He tightens his arm around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder, sighing.

_ I don’t want to go back to the barracks _ .

_ I don’t want you to, either. _

_ They’re going to be  _ the worst _ ,  _ he thinks.  _ About you and me. Every time. And Brii won’t stop pestering me to let him give me a tattoo. _

_ You should! _ Ahsoka is serious, he thinks, and he grumbles a little out loud.

_ I don’t want any tattoos, Ahsoka, and every time he does a tattoo for someone it’s just… all these bright colors _ . Colors are all well and good for Brii, and now Fives apparently, but he doesn’t want some flamboyant, stylized tattoo.

_ Oh, come on, Rex, _ she thinks, and she’s definitely falling asleep because her train of thought is starting to jump around a lot, makes it confusing what she actually wants to say to him, and he catches snippets of nonsense thoughts about meditation and Kix and himself.  _ Live a little _ .

_ Your definition of that phrase and mine are apparently very different,  _ cyare.

He glances back up at Kix, and his  _ vod _ has his eyes closed, brow furrowed, and is very, very still. Kenobi leans back a little and smiles. “He’s good at this,” he says, to Anakin, mostly. “I didn’t expect that.”

Rex thinks he’d be terrible at meditating.

_ You would _ .

_ Thanks, jetii _ .

Soka pulls her blanket tighter around her shoulders and rests her hand over his where it rests against her side. She lets out a long, soft sigh, and Rex smiles because most of the pain and weariness in her thoughts is just background noise to heavy drowsiness.

_ Go to sleep _ , he thinks, and she doesn’t even respond, just tightens her hand on top of his and drops her head back against his shoulder. He doesn’t want to let her go.

“Maybe we should let you and Ahsoka go now,” Anakin says, glancing over, and Kenobi does too and shakes his head, but he’s smiling just a bit.

“Apparently.”

Rex shrugs, shakes his head. If the two of them aren’t here with Anakin and Kenobi, the medics will tell him he has to give her back and let her sleep in her own bunk and he’ll have to leave. “We’re fine. She’s fine.”

“Rex, she’s  _ asleep _ ,” Kenobi says, raising an eyebrow.

“I know, but…” Rex fumbles for an excuse, shrugs again. “It’s fine.”

Anakin frowns, turns more towards him, and shakes his head dubiously. “Rex, I’m giving you an opportunity to go be alone with her somewhere and you don’t want to? What the kriff,  _ vod _ ?”

Rex shifts a little, glances at Tuck, who’s busy sterilising some equipment and acting like he’s not listening. “Well, they don’t really let me. I mean Tuck would, but he’s not in charge, and they always make me go back to the barracks when she gets tired or when she goes to sleep, so if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather just stay here for now.”

Anakin scowls, crossing his arms. “You’re kidding.”

Rex finds himself wanting to smile and has to contain it. “No, sir. They keep ignoring Tuck because he’s a junior medic and Kix because he’s injured.” If Anakin’s reaction is anything to go by, maybe his General is going to fix this for him. Hells,  _ Kenobi _ looks surprised and displeased.

~~~

“We'll see about that,” Anakin growls, unreasonably _ angry.  _ What the kriff are the medics _ thinking?  _ “You stay there. I'll be right back.”   _ Everyone _ in the Temple’s kriffing medcenter should know by now that Rex and Ahsoka  _ belong _ together, honestly. And kriff this not listening to Tuck because he’s a  _ junior medic; _ if they won’t listen to Tuck even after Anakin intervenes, well, the medic  _ does _ deserve a promotion.

_ Do try not to start any fights,  _ Obi-Wan says dryly across their bond, and Anakin smirks, projects obviously fake innocence. 

_ Me? Never, Master!  _

His Master feels a bit _ apprehensive,  _ but doesn't say anything as Anakin leaves to wander the med bay in search of the senior medic. The medics are all nulls, or rejected Initiates who ended up in the Corps, with a couple Jedi on standby for serious cases; they're not used to dealing with non-Jedi Force users, but kriffing  _ seriously,  _ they've dealt with Rex and Ahsoka before, they should _ know better!  _

The head medic is a female Twi’lek named Chaya, and she smiles professionally at Anakin when he approaches her. “What can I do for you, Knight Skywalker?”

He's short, sharp, straight to the point. “Kriffing let Rex stay with Ahsoka, like my medics tell you. They don't _ do well _ when they're separated, haven't you figured that out by now?”

Tuck, who has causally moved within hearing distance while still pretending total obliviousness, turns his head away to stifle a smile. 

“I'm sorry, Master Jedi,” Chaya says, “but that's against the rules, which we have for good reason--”

“Oh, kriff off,” he snarls. “How often does she have nightmares? She'll sleep better with Rex. Kriffing _ listen _ to my medics, they know them better than you do.”

“All due respect, but as a junior medic, Tuck doesn't have authority--”

“You're mistaken, Chaya. Tuck is a senior medic.”

“He is?”

“I _ am?” _

“Yeah. He is. So _ listen _ to him. If you can't give my padawan the ideal healing environment, I'll take her back to the _ Resolute _ and let Tuck treat her. Understood?”

Chaya nods, swallows. “Of course, Knight Skywalker.”

~~~

Tuck takes Ahsoka from Rex and carries her back to her bunk, Rex staying close behind him. He’s tired and swaying on his feet but Anakin had promised the medics would let him stay with Ahsoka, so that’s good enough. As Tuck sets her down (and gives Rex a look like  _ I’m trusting you here _ ), Ahsoka wakes up a little, blinking owlishly up at them both.

“Just make sure she’s actually resting, please, Rex,” Tuck says, pats him on the shoulder, then he leaves. Rex sighs, and since he finds himself struggling to stay upright, sits down on the bunk, takes off his boots, and curls up next to her, wrapping both arms around her and kissing the top of her head.

_ You’re still here? _ she thinks, humming, feeling vaguely surprised.

_ I am. _

That’s enough, because she sighs and reaches up, curls her fingers in the front of his shirt, and presses her face into his shoulder.  _ Okay _ .

He laughs a little, can’t help it, and closes his eyes. He can  _ stay _ , for once.  _ I’ve missed you, ner’jetii _ .

~~~

Ahsoka hums, curling closer into Rex’s side, exhaustion a leaden blanket dragging her down, but--

But she doesn’t  _ want _ to sleep, because Rex is  _ here _ and if she falls asleep, he’ll be gone when she wakes up.  _ Don’t go, _ she pleads silently, aware a tendril of fear has slipped through the bond, too tired to shield it.  _ I can’t stop dreaming. _

She thinks, maybe, if he’s here, the nightmares might go away. And she’s so so  _ tired _ of waking up sobbing from dreams where she’s too  _ late, _ where he’s  _ gone, _ just another number, where he looks right through her and doesn’t even know who she  _ is, _ doesn’t even know her name. On Kamino, she’d almost lost him twice--all she wants to do is forget, but she can’t stop seeing the memories on repeat, every time she closes her eyes, and when she wakes up and she’s  _ alone _ for a heart-stopping moment he’s  _ gone. _

_ Please don’t go,  _ cyare.

~~~

_ I'm here _ , he thinks, soothes his hand over her upper arm. “Right here.” Her fingers twist tighter in his shirt and he can see images from her nightmares still chasing around in her head. He should have  _ been here _ but he wasn't and she's been alone.

He's been having similar nightmares, but he also dreams he couldn't pull her back and the bond had broken and he'd been left behind, trapped alone in his head and everything  _ hurting _ . He shields that from her, but leaves the  _ understanding _ .

_ I'm not going anywhere, ner’jetii. _ He doesn't promise he never will because he doesn't believe that, but for now he's not letting go of her. He feels a small surge of anxiety from her and tightens his hand on her shoulder briefly and hums a bit.  _ You can go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up. _

~~~

Sleep calls her, but she finds herself too tense, suddenly, because-- _ I’m not going anywhere, _ he says, and past his shields the thought slips that he can’t promise forever because he doesn’t believe it.

He doesn’t believe he’ll  _ stay. _

She should cling tighter to him, because of that, savor the little time she  _ has _ with him, because she doesn’t know when he’ll go or why or--but she  _ can’t, _ because the thought of losing him, of him  _ leaving, _ is  _ terrifying. _

She tries to hide that feeling from him, but she can’t quite manage, because she’s  _ tired _ and they’re too close and she  _ wants _ him, wants him to stay.  _ Please, Rex, _ she tells him, drawing away a little. He  _ can’t _ leave, not now, not after everything they’ve done.

~~~

“Soka,” he says, shifting back, frowning. She feels a little  _ panicked _ and he slides his hand from her shoulder to her cheek, trying to ground her a little. “Hey, I mean it, I'm staying.” He projects warmth and surety, but she still doesn't really relax, and he meets her eyes, trying to understand why she's so anxious suddenly.

“But you aren't staying forever,” she says softly, voice hitching a little, and she projects a feeling at him, one he senses she'd gotten from him. His inability to promise more than  _ now _ . He sighs, closes his eyes, doesn't even know how to explain.  _ I'm sorry,  _ he thinks, uselessly.  _ I just… I'm afraid sometimes, Soka. _ She needs to sleep, and he promised Tuck he'd try to let her rest, and he thinks it would hardly help her nightmares to tell her he can never forget that he's destined to die, much sooner than she will. He shields that and rubs his thumb over the soft curve of her cheekbone.

She's not happy with that excuse, he feels it, feels she knows it's an excuse, and he can't really look her in the eye.  _ That isn't the reason, Rex. I thought we were being honest with each other, we promised. _

He wishes she'd stop reminding him of that. He isn't being dishonest, he's just not saying the whole thing, because not everything needs to be  _ said _ , discussed.

Kriff all of this. He just wants to hold her and have her and not have to think about the war or Kamino or almost losing her or any of it.

~~~

Rex doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look her in the eye, tightens his shields, and it feels--it feels like the days after Kadavo, when there’d been so many  _ spaces _ between them, when every conversation had been half-truths and evasion and shadows, and that  _ scares _ her more than she wants to admit. She doesn’t  _ want _ to go back to those days.

But it almost seems like there’s no  _ choice. _

She’s so  _ tired _ of this, of there always being something between them, something keeping them from just  _ existing, _ in the rare moments of quiet. It almost feels like they can only truly be  _ close _ to each other when they’re on some mission, in life-or-death circumstances.

Ahsoka  _ hates _ it.

She nudges at his shields, softly, swallowing back tears (because this is  _ too much, _ she just wants to curl up and luxuriate in the fact that  _ he’s here _ and the medics aren’t kicking him out).  _ Please don’t shut me out, _ she sends, but there’s no give to his shields, nothing, and she  _ misses him. _ She misses him and she doesn’t  _ understand _ why he has to do this, to lie--not lie, not technically, because he’s just  _ not talking, _ and that’s the same  _ kriffing excuse _ he used after Kadavo, and it just feels like everything’s falling to pieces around her and she stifles a quiet sob.

~~~

He kriffing hates this. She’s crying and scared and disappointed in him  _ again _ but at least this way his fears are just  _ his _ . She’s always hopeful about the future, always been the one who’s been sure it’ll all be  _ okay _ . And it’s not that he doesn’t  _ hope _ , exactly, it’s… he’s realistic. And scared. And he doesn’t want to pull her into that, to remind her (especially now) that an end is inevitable.

_ I’m sorry _ , he says, wretched.  _ I know I’m… _ He knows he’s scaring her and making things worse but he doesn’t want to talk about it.  _ It would just make things worse, and you need to sleep. _ Kriffing terrible excuse, well done, Rex.  _ I’m sorry. _ He closes his eyes and sighs loudly through his nose, runs his thumb over her cheekbone again.

It’s just, what good can possibly come from telling her he can’t hold on too tight because he knows he’s going to die? The Kaminoans can’t stop him with  _ rules _ these days, but his accelerated aging means they might as well have. They just don’t have  _ time _ and he can’t forget it, not when they’re here like this, because he starts imagining that it could be like this  _ forever _ but it just can’t.

~~~

Ahsoka swallows heavily, closes her eyes for a minute, takes a shuddering breath.  _ Sorry doesn’t make it better, _ she tells him, bitter and not bothering to hide it. She wants nothing more than to just curl into him and fall asleep, but she  _ can’t, _ not now, not knowing he doesn’t--he doesn’t--

She doesn’t even want to  _ think _ about it.

So she shifts, rolls over, turning her back to him, tries to ignore the way she feels cold and  _ empty _ without his hand on her cheek. He reaches out to her, but she pushes up shields,  _ hard, _ hoping he’ll get the memo.

He does, dropping his hand before it touches her.

(She tries not to feel  _ worse _ at that.)

She doesn’t  _ want _ to sleep, but she can’t ignore her body’s exhaustion any longer, and soon her eyes drift closed and her breathing evens out as she drifts off.

…

_ Rex! _

_ He looks right through her, doesn’t even  _ **_hear_ ** _ her, his mind surrounded by shields she can’t get through, shields like mountain ranges, and she screams for him but he’s  _ **_gone--_ ** _ but he’s not, he’s  _ **_there,_ ** _ but she’s too late, too late. _

**_Execute Order Sixty-Six._ **

_ She’s surrounded by them, by her men, but they aren’t the same, faces too blank and empty and she doesn’t--she can’t--she reaches for her ‘sabers on instinct because she remembers this, remembers this fight, but her ‘sabers are  _ **_gone_ ** _ and she’s screaming for Rex because she knows what happens (this is in the past this is in the past), he hears her and he comes to her because he won’t kill her, but--but her shout has no effect, he doesn’t even react, and she reaches for him but-- _

_ But the bond is gone, like it never even existed, and she can’t  _ **_feel him,_ ** _ and he’s gone and she can’t, she can’t. Please, she begs, but there’s no response, no answer, please don’t shut me out, Rex, please,  _ **_please,_ ** _ and then the blasters fire and there’s so much  _ **_pain_ ** _ and she can’t breathe and this isn’t how it happened, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go, please, Rex, come back.  _ **_Please_ ** _. _

_ He has to come back. He can’t do this. _

_ He  _ **_promised._ **

~~~

Rex doesn’t sleep. There’s too much worrying him and he doesn’t know what he should do (or really he does but he doesn’t want to have to) and everything feels  _ wrong _ again. He rests his head on his arm and stretches out as close to Ahsoka as he can, because he senses his touch wouldn’t be welcome now, even though she’s asleep.

At least he didn’t have to go back to the barracks, alone.

None of this was supposed to happen like it has and it’s his fault (even the kriffing marriage vows are his fault), but he doesn’t know what else to  _ do _ . And he’d  _ tried _ to talk about the promises but kriffing Fives had ruined it and now he’s accidentally let it slip that he doesn’t believe they have a  _ future _ .

Ahsoka shifts in her sleep, away from him, curling in on herself a little, and he wants to put his arms around her because he senses a twinge of pain and he’s  _ tired _ , but she’d pulled up her shields and clearly didn’t want him that close, so he doesn’t move, except to wrap his arms around his stomach and try to close his eyes and at least rest.

Then she twists again, whimpers, and he presses against her thoughts and there’s enough give in her shields that he can sense she’s dreaming. So he says  _ kriff distance _ and scoots close to her, slings an arm over her shoulders and kisses the back of her neck, projecting calm toward her. Kriffing nightmares.

He’s so  _ weary _ .

It doesn’t help like he’d hoped it would, getting closer to her; she’s still shielded so he can’t see her nightmare, can’t feel more than surface emotion, but that’s enough to let him feel her panic building. He eases closer to her, curling around her lithe body (and he can feel she’s trembling, from cold or the nightmare, he doesn’t know), but it still doesn’t seem to help at all.

Then suddenly he feels her reach out for him so fast and desperate that he flinches, has to make an effort to leave his shields down, and she’s  _ shouting _ his name in his head, mental voice raw and terrified, and he presses back, wraps the bond in love.

_ I know, kriff Soka, I know, I’m right here. It’s okay _ .

But she just reaches harder, like she can’t find him, and he  _ tries _ to answer but she’s just panicking, begging him to  _ come back _ and  _ not shut her out _ and this is his fault, but she won’t  _ respond  _ when he tries to reach back and calm her down. Out loud, she’s whimpering, and he grits his teeth and sits up, gently shaking her (because she’s still healing and he doesn’t want to frighten her awake).

At least this time when she wakes up he’ll be  _ here _ , like he should be.

~~~

Ahsoka snaps awake all at once to someone shaking her shoulders, and she reacts instinctively, jerking away and reaching for the Force, her ‘sabers--but her ‘sabers aren’t  _ here _ and she can’t help but  _ panic _ because--because--

She finds the wall, presses her back against it, tries to blink the sleep out of her eyes and orient herself (a part of her is  _ screaming _ for Rex and she stifles it as best she can because he’s  _ not here), _ and it takes her too long to realize Rex is sitting up across from her, one hand ever-so-slightly extended, like he can’t quite keep himself from reaching for her.

Memory comes rushing back and she  _ stares _ at him, remembers him shooting a blaster at her like he’s never even seen her face before, remembers reaching for him and him being  _ gone, _ and a sob bursts past her lips. She reaches out to him with both hands, desperate to  _ feel him, _ to know he’s here, and drops all her shields, curling up in his mind as much as he’ll let her. His arms wrap around her, and he pulls her close, leans her head against his chest, one hand gently rubbing soothing patterns up and down her back headtail.

_ Don’t leave, don’t go, please don’t leave, _ she thinks, not really meaning to project but too emotional and desperate to put up any shields.

~~~

_ I won’t, I’m right here, I promise, _ he says, keeps up a soft running layer of comforting phrases, leaves as many of his shields down as he can (except around the things he can’t talk about because if she’s going to know, it’s going to be because he tells her, not because she happens across it in his mind). She’s clinging to him, tight, and he kisses the top of her head, tries to be as close and as  _ present _ as he can.  _ You’re safe, and I’m not going anywhere. I told you I’d be here when you woke up. _

If she didn’t believe him, he knows that wasn’t her fault. He keeps making promises and then he doesn’t know what to do with them, but this one at least he kept, intends to stick to. He doesn’t want to leave her alone again, kriff the medics and Tuck and his men and whoever else wants to get in his way, just… She needs him. And he doesn’t know why it’s so hard to just let it go and be  _ close _ .

It’s easier not thinking, so he tightens his arms around her, listens to the pattern of her thoughts, projects calm and understanding into her panicked thoughts.

~~~

It takes a while, but finally her sobs subside and she calms enough to  _ think, _ to really feel Rex’s presence, and she lays her head on his shoulder, presses her face against the side of his neck, closing her eyes and taking deep, shuddering breaths.

She’s  _ exhausted. _

Maybe that’s why, when she finally feels like she can breathe again, she just flat-out  _ asks _ the question on her mind, instead of dancing around it.  _ Why don’t you want the future, Rex? _

And maybe that’s not the best way to word the question, but she’s so  _ tired _ and she  _ misses him _ and she misses the closeness of before Kamino. And she can’t  _ understand _ why he doesn’t want to have a future when he’d made--the promises he had. And  _ meant them. _ Even if he doesn’t really want to talk about it, he’d still said them, and she’d said them back, meant them (still means them). So it doesn’t make  _ sense. _ Why would he promise if he didn’t want--if he didn’t want the future?

~~~

Rex  _ wants _ so much sometimes it hurts, a pain in his chest that he can't quite dismiss as  _ nothing _ , because he sometimes remembers his brother who deserted and found a family and something else and he wishes he was able to just forget the whole kriffing war and leave.

He wants to be able to imagine a real, proper family and to not have to constantly worry about his  _ vod’e _ because they're safe and he always, always wants to have Ahsoka forever where she can't get hurt anymore.

But dreams like those are just  _ dreams, _ with a slim chance of coming true, and that  _ hurts. _ So he doesn't think about them, not often.

He  _ does _ want the future. More than he has any right to.

_ That's not it, _ he thinks, knowing she can feel he's being honest.  _ Of course I kriffing want it, Soka, and you. _

_ Then why…? _ and she sends him a series of impressions, him saying he  _ didn't know, he wanted it to be different,  _ his doubt, her frustration and disappointment at coming up against all his shields again, a fear that he doesn't want anything  _ more _ .

He balks at that question because  _ why _ is so much harder. Even if he sort of knows the answer.

But she feels lonely and like she's afraid of his answer and she's staring at him with tear tracks on her cheeks and he's not going to make that worse.  _ It's… I don't know how to explain, Soka, but I can try. _

There's a small, soft surge of gratitude and he sighs.  _ I want a future, Soka, with… with you. But I don't think we can  _ have  _ one. _

_ ~~~ _

_ What does that _ **_mean?_ ** she asks, because of _ course _ they can have a future, the war is going to be over soon now that Sidious has been apprehended, and there won't be any rules or regulations standing between them, because she's no longer a Jedi and the GAR protocol won't _ matter _ after the end of the war.

Rex sends her a vague sort of surprise, like _ don't you know? _ and she frowns, because she doesn't _ understand. _

_ Know what? _

There's a long pause, and she senses that this isn't easy for him to talk about by any means; she doesn't push him, just waits, knowing he'll tell her. He will. She can feel it, this time.

_ Soka, _ he says finally, shifting to look down at her,  _ I only have half a life. _

She frowns, not understanding.  _ What the kriff does that mean? _

Something _ changes _ on his face, and he swallows, says,  _ You really don't know? _

_ Know _ **_what?_ ** Ahsoka snaps, impatient, because _ obviously _ she doesn't know.

_ The accelerated aging doesn't stop at maturity. I--I'll grow old twice as fast as you will. _

No.  _ No, _ that _ can't _ be true. Anakin would never--the Jedi would never--they  _ have _ to fix this.  _ No! No, I'm not losing you like that, Rex. I won't. I _ **_can't._ **

~~~

Rex had never thought that Ahsoka wouldn't  _ know _ . All the  _ vod’e _ know, and it had seemed like the Jedi had understood that the clones didn't get the childhood and adolescence that other humans got.

But clearly he'd been wrong, she has had  _ no idea _ , and he'd just thought she didn't want to think about it anymore than he did. She's tripping over her own thoughts, panicking, and he doesn't know what else to say except to push out the rest of the truth while he can, all at once, before he loses his nerve.

_ I don't  _ have  _ a future, Soka, and I didn't want to try to pretend I could. You deserve better than… than if I tried to promise forever and then I died and left you. _

_ They can't kriffing do that! _ Ahsoka’s staring at him in shock still and she reaches up suddenly, traces the lines around his eyes like she's afraid he's going to disappear  _ now _ .  _ I thought that was temporary, we thought- They can't take you from me like that. _

He sighs, keeps tracing his fingers over her headtail, trying to soothe her a little.  _ I told myself I wasn't going to say the vows because it would be too cruel to you _ \- she flinches - _ and I… When I did say them, I just wish… I never wanted it to be like that _ . _ Me thinking I was about to leave you. I don't know, Soka, it's just… _ He gives up, closes his eyes on a long exhale.

~~~

_ I'll tell Anakin, we'll fix this, Rex. _ She's shaking and she can't seem to stop.  _ I promise, they can't take you away from me like this. They can't take our forever. _

She doesn't want to lose him like this.

Ahsoka leans forward, kisses him fierce and possessive, because he is _ hers _ and they can’t _ have him. I love you, Rex, _ she thinks, slipping her arms tightly around him.  _ Mine. Forever. _

~~~

Rex kisses her back, shields his disbelief.  _ Ner’jetii _ , he answers, clasps his hands together behind her neck. It helps that she knows, understands, but that doesn't make it all go  _ away _ .

“I don't know what we can do,” he murmurs when she pulls back. He wishes he could just kiss her again because that's so much better than thinking about everything else, but now he can't ignore it because she knows too.

“I'll tell Anakin,” Ahsoka says, just as quietly. “We'll tell all of them, we'll make the Kaminoans  _ fix this _ .”

And it's a nice plan but Rex can't allow himself to hope for that because that means letting himself hope for her and if he loses that hope again he doesn't think he can take it.

“Before it was the war,” he says. “ _ Vod’e _ die by the thousands so why should I be any different. But even without that, I…”  _ It isn't fair _ .

~~~

“You're different because I'm not letting it _ happen,” _ Ahsoka says, low and fierce. “Not to you, not to any of the squad, not to any of the 501st.”

But she doesn't want to think about this anymore, about what will happen if they can't _ fix _ it, so she disentangles herself from him, catches his hands in hers and lays back down, drawing him down with her.  _ We'll worry about that in the morning, _ she tells him silently, presses love and certainty warm against his thoughts.  _ I don't know how long we have before the medics come, so sleep, please? I want you to be here when I wake up. _

…

The next morning, Ahsoka gets up careful and slow, because the world still spins when she stands too abruptly. She wraps her blanket tightly around her shoulders, extends one hand to Rex. He takes it, a bit of confusion flickering across his face.  _ Where are you going? _

“We,” Ahsoka announces, “are going to find Anakin.”

“Oh, great,” he mumbles, but he stands and allows her to pull him away from the bed.  _ Careful, Soka, you shouldn't be walking by yourself-- _

_ I'm not by myself, _ she tells him, and grins. “This is _ important, _ come on!”

Anakin is in the mess hall, and by the time she gets there she's definitely regretting the decision to walk. Also, she's pretty sure the medics, including Tuck, are going to be _ furious _ with her. She's not supposed to leave the med bay yet.

“Skyguy, we have a _ problem,” _ she announces dramatically, which of course garners the attention of the _ entire _ mess.

Anakin jumps, stares up at her. “Snips, what the _ kriff, _ you're not supposed to be here--”

“Master, the accelerated aging doesn't _ stop. _ ” He frowns, not following the thought (though she sees every trooper around wincing a little at the reminder), and she sighs. “They're all aging twice as fast!”

_ Now _ he gets it. “The Kaminoans were supposed to fix that when the clones hit maturity,” he snaps out, swearing and running a hand through his hair. “We  _ know _ they have a gene fix!”

~~~

Rex doesn't know if he staggers because of how  _ tired _ he is and the fact that he still isn’t supposed to be walking or because of Anakin's words, but… there's  _ already _ a solution? Already something that could mean a real life for him and his  _ vod’e _ ? And the longnecks have  _ kept it from them? _

For a moment he finds himself wanting to burn their entire civilization to the ground, and his anger makes it easier to stand straight-backed and solid behind Ahsoka, cross his arms, pretend he’s  _ fine _ and confident.

His men are all staring, some have gotten to their feet, and he knows that, like him, they had all assumed the the Jedi already knew about their shortened lifespans. They’ve all made some kind of peace with it, however limited. They were made to fight and to die, and however much their Jedi may have come to care for them, there’s no point in asking them to try to fix something that can’t be fixed. The fact remains that they are soldiers first, men second, except to the Generals and Commanders who get close enough to know better.

“They do?” Ahsoka breathes, and he feels her relief hit like a tank. “They can change it, make them age normally?”

“At least they  _ said _ they could,” Anakin growls, standing. “Although I don’t trust a thing those long-necked traitors say anymore. We should shut them down.”

Rex agrees. How many  _ vod’e _ have they killed and erased and manipulated with no consequences, no one seeing?

He decided a long time ago that he would protect his brothers, that they were more important than orders.

That hasn’t changed - in fact, now that there’s a chance the war could  _ end _ , he’s more determined than ever to make sure someone is there to speak for his  _ vod’e _ , to make sure there is more for them than war and orders and the contempt of the entire galaxy. They aren’t droids to be thrown away when everything’s done and he hopes he can at least ensure some measure of choice for them.

“Please, Skyguy, we have to fix it,” Ahsoka says softly, and Rex takes a heavy step forward and slips his hand into hers because he can feel she’s scared.

He  _ wants _ so bad it hurts, wants to be able to think about  _ after _ without being afraid.

~~~

Anakin was already angry at the Kaminoans for their callous treatment of the clones as _ product,  _ for the way Force-sensitive  _ vod’e _ are exterminated like an _ infection. _ The news that the gene fix  _ hadn't _ been distributed to the men upon their maturity is almost _ unsurprising. _

That doesn't make him less _ angry, _ though.

“I'll talk to Obi-Wan about it. He's already talking to the Council about how the clones have been treated. The Jedi _ will _ fix this, Rex. I promise.”

Ahsoka is clutching Rex's hand like she's afraid he'll vanish any second, and Anakin sends her a wave of soothing warmth. He knows what she's afraid of. (He's afraid of it, too.)  _ I won't let the Kaminoans take time from you, Snips. It's not theirs to take. _

_ Thank you, _ she says fervently, and then she takes two steps forward and hugs him, hard, still holding on to Rex's hand.

He catches the edge of a projection to Rex, something like  _ you don't have to be afraid anymore, _ but he doesn't know what it means and besides, that's not his place to pry.

~~~

“Thank you,  _ vod _ ,” Rex says gruffly, nodding to Anakin. The Jedi haven’t historically been good at  _ fixing _ things but he can tell Anakin is  _ fed up _ and he trusts his promise.

He sends a thought back to Ahsoka,  _ I know. _

He can’t believe it, really. That he might… that the war might be almost over. That Ahsoka is  _ his _ and there are no more rules in the way. That there might be a way to give him his life back.

It’s almost  _ too much _ .

Anakin leaves his breakfast and cup of caf on the table, claps Rex on the shoulder as he goes. “No sense in waiting,” he says, and there’s a sharp edge to his voice. Rex hopes General Kenobi is already awake or he suspects he’ll get a rather rude awakening.

“All due respect, Commander,” Tup says, once Anakin is gone. “But you need to sit the kriff down.”

He’s right, Ahsoka still isn’t allowed out of the med bay and Rex isn’t supposed to be walking much, so he pulls her over to the bench Anakin had just vacated and sits down, commandeering his General’s cup of caf. Ahsoka sits next to him and he can feel she’s unsteady, but there’s a vein of happiness and relief running through her thoughts and across the bond and it makes him smile a little.

He doesn’t even know what to do with this, with the possibility that… that he might get to have this, have a chance at a real life. With  _ her _ . With no… no war to fight, no more brothers dying.  _ Kriff _ .

“You two shouldn’t have come here,” Jesse says. “Kix and Tuck are going to murder you in your sleep.”

“Probably,” Rex grumbles, but he doesn’t care so much. The caf is  _ good _ (if a little sweet) and Ahsoka is eating Anakin’s toast and he’s tired and strangely light.

_ I love you _ , Ahsoka thinks, and he hums a little, glances over and smiles at her.

_Love you too._ _I’m sorry I didn’t explain better before, it’s just I thought you knew._

~~~

_ It’s okay, _ Ahsoka says, smiles at him, and she pretends to miss the way Fives pretends to gag. A little tiny nudge with the Force, and his cup of hot caf spills onto his lap, eliciting an  _ impressive _ string of high-pitched curses.

“Commander!” he finally yelps, glares at her (Jesse snickers).

“Yes, Fives?” she asks, pretending innocence as much as she can (she’s really not the  _ best _ liar) and taking another bite of Anakin’s toast.

“What was  _ that _ for?” Fives snaps, and though his voice is sharp his cheeks are stained red from embarrassment.

“What was what for?” Ahsoka smiles sweetly at him (tries to hide the fact that her head  _ hurts, _ now, that was probably  _ really _ stupid--Tuck is  _ so _ going to yell at her later), looks over at Brii. “Those red cheeks go pretty nicely with his new tattoo, don’t you think, Brii?”

The shiny flushes, but he looks  _ pleased. _ “Yes, sir,” he says eagerly.

She hums a bit, glances over at Rex, who’s hiding a smile behind the rim of his cup of caf. “Rex tells me you’ve been trying to give him a tattoo,” she continues, and Rex  _ scowls. _

_ Don’t encourage him, ‘Soka! _

Brii nods, though he frowns just a little. “He keeps saying he doesn’t want one.”

Ahsoka tilts her head to one side, considering. “I don’t know, I think he’d look good with one,” and she grins smugly at Rex. “Give me some of that,” she adds, steals the mug of caf from him and takes a drink--it tastes awful, but the caffeine is  _ heavenly _ for her headache.

“Tuck is going to  _ murder _ you,” Rex grumbles, swipes the cup back from her. “You aren’t supposed to be drinking caf.”

She shrugs. “I’m not supposed to be outside the medbay either, but here I am,” and she can’t help but laugh a little. “What can I say? I’m not known for following the rules.”

_ You don’t say, _ Rex says, and does he  _ have _ to sound so sarcastic?

Dogma’s comm pings, startling her and making her look away from Rex--also effectively ending the tattoo conversation.

It’s Tuck.  _ “Dogma, have you seen the Captain and the Commander?” _

Rex shakes his head violently, makes a cutting motion with his hand, and Dogma gulps. “Uh, no, Tuck. Why?”

_ “Because they’re both not here, and if I find out the Commander’s snuck out of the medbay I’m not going to be very happy with you, Commander.” _

Kriff.

~~~

Rex feels a little (only a very, very little) bad for Tuck. After all, really Ahsoka should be back in bed and accepting visitors, not sitting brazenly in the mess drinking caf and eating toast. He’s not even sure what food Tuck is allowing her yet. He can tell Dogma really wants to tell Tuck they’re there, because Dogma is, above all else,  _ responsible _ , and it’s really not wise of them to be ignoring their medic’s orders.

“I should tell him you’re here,” Fives grumbles, scrubbing peevishly at his blacks. “I just kriffing had these laundered.”

Rex snorts. “You put almost no effort into that, Fives, and you have another set of blacks. Let it go.”

“Not kriffing likely,” Fives mutters, crossing his arms. “You ought go get me a replacement cup of caf, Commander.”

“Why?” Ahsoka says, and she doesn’t sound  _ remotely _ innocent. “It’s not my fault you’re clumsy.”

“You kriffing-” Fives stops when Rex shoots him a look and takes his caf back from Ahsoka, lifts the mug suggestively. He can and will put Fives on dish detail all day if he has to. His friend has yet to learn to watch his mouth. “Come on, Commander.”

Ahsoka sighs, shrugs. “I would, Fives, really, but I’m  _ injured _ and I’m not supposed to walk.”

“That didn’t stop you before.”

“Oh, shut  _ up _ , Fives, I’ll get you your kriffing caf,” Tup sighs, getting up. “You like it black, right?”

Fives flings up his hands, shakes his head. “At least  _ someone _ here appreciates me.”

“It’s not me!”

Rex snorts and takes a sip of his own drink (and dear kriffing gods why does Anakin have to make it so sweet?), trying not to smile too much. This is one thing he’s needed over the past few weeks, the one positive about being forced to stay in the barracks more.

_ Can I have that? _ Ahsoka thinks, reaching for his cup, and he raises an eyebrow at her, not letting go of it.

_ You’re not supposed to have caf, and it’s horrible. Anakin’s kriffing sweet tooth is the size of a whole system _ .

_ Well, if you hate it so much, you won’t mind if I drink it. _

_ Fine _ . Rex hands it over (and he’s going to regret that and Tuck is going to lecture him for  _ hours _ about this) and takes a pear off Anakin’s plate. No sense letting good food go to waste.

“Stop with the silent conversations,” Fives grumbles, overdramatically, and honestly he’s too kriffing irritating in the morning. “The dopey love eyes get  _ old _ .”

“Shut up, you kriffing  _ di’kut _ .” Rex doesn’t have the patience for him - or rather, he did, and he’s used it all up.  _ He’s too much sometimes, little gods preserve me. _

Ahsoka snorts, rolls her eyes at him.  _ Want me to punch him for you? _

_ No, but thanks _ .

~~~

Ahsoka hums, slurps down the last of Anakin’s caf--there wasn’t much left to begin with, and then Rex had drank most of what  _ had _ been left--and stares sadly at the empty mug. Kriff, caf is  _ horrid, _ but the caffeine helps the headache.

“Here,” Tup says, setting a cup of caf down in front of Fives and dropping back into his seat.

“Thanks--” Fives starts, and then he takes a gulp and  _ splutters, _ choking. “What the  _ kriffing hell, vod?” _

Tup raises one eyebrow, distinctly not amused. “Next time, get your own kriffing caf.”

Jesse swipes the mug, takes a drink. “Kriff, Tup how much sugar did you  _ put _ in this thing?”

_ Don’t you dare, _ Rex projects, before Ahsoka can even  _ consider _ stealing the fresh cup. 

She makes a face at him.  _ Tuck is already going to kill us, I might as well not have a headache when he does. _

_ That’s  _ **_terrible_ ** _ logic, cyare. _

“I’ll drink it,” Brii volunteers, smiles brightly.

As one, the entire squad turns and says, emphatically,  _ “No!” _

Brii pouts.

“You’ve already had your cup,  _ vod,” _ Tup says, patting the younger trooper’s shoulder.

Ahsoka frowns, tilts her head to one side. “What happens if he has more than one cup?”

“You  _ don’t want to know,” _ Fives intones dramatically, and he shudders. “Kriff you, Tup. I’ll go get my own kriffing caf, even though it’s  _ not my fault  _ it spilled…”

_ Rex, what does Brii do? _ Ahsoka asks, and she leans forward and grabs the caf. “Bring some cream back, Fives!”

“Kriff you, Commander!”

~~~

Yeah, Fives is getting dish detail tonight. Kriffing idiot.  _ He won’t leave me alone, that’s what. One day he had three cups of caf and he spent all morning pestering me about the kriffing tattoo he wants to give me and pulling pranks on everyone and making bets with Fives about literally everything. The kid’s a menace on more than one cup of caf _ .

_ I don’t see the problem _ , Ahsoka hums.  _ You should get a tattoo, it would be nice, and he obviously really wants to design something for you _ .

Why. Why is she  _ like this _ .  _ I don’t want one, Ahsoka, it’s not professional. _

“It isn’t  _ that _ bad when I have caf!” Brii protests. He’s gotten out his sketchbook and begun drawing something - probably one of his  _ vod’e _ . It’s strange, but he seems to be trying to draw as many members of the 501st as he can. Rex doesn’t see the point. They all have the same face, it can’t make for interesting drawing.

“It’s awful, kid,” Rex grumbles, hides his smile. “You act like a loth-kitten.”

Brii makes a face, eyes sparkling, and Rex shakes his head. “I do  _ not _ .”

“You do,” Tup says, matter-of-factly.

In the face of mounting evidence, Brii mutters something under his breath and focuses on his drawing. Tup peers over his shoulder, then glances up at Rex with an odd smile on his face.

“If you’re kriffing drawing a picture of me right now I’m going to put you on dish detail with Fives,” Rex groans. The kid is probably giving him a kriffing mustache or something (Rex has seen the mocking sketches he’s done of Fives, and they aren’t flattering).

“I’m not!” Brii protests, and Tup smirks a little and drinks his own caf.

Kriff both of them. 

_ Oh come on, I think you’d be cute with a mustache _ .

_ Don’t you kriffing start, _ he snaps, because he can feel she doesn’t mean that but for  _ kriff’s sake _ she has to stop encouraging Brii all the time.

~~~

Ahsoka grins, tightening her blanket around her shoulders as a bit of a chill runs through her.

_ You should go back to the medbay, _ Rex says, catching the motion, and she makes a face at him.

_ I’m  _ **_fine,_ ** _ Rex! Honestly. _ Seriously, he’s  _ so annoying _ sometimes. Like okay, she’s a little bit cold, but that doesn’t mean she has to go back to  _ bed. You sound like kriffing Tuck. _

Fives comes back, unceremoniously plopping a jug of cream on the table in front of her. “Here’s your kriffing cream, Commander,” he mutters, goes to sit down with his fresh cup of caf.

_ Finally, _ only took him like five minutes. Ahsoka dumps cream into the mug of caf until it’s a light enough brown and takes a sip. “Perfect,” she declares. It still tastes  _ awful, _ but at least it’s palatable now, and her head  _ really kriffing hurts. _

“You are so  _ weird,” _ Rex grumbles, and she smirks up at him, leans into his shoulder a little.

“You love me anyway,  _ cyare.” _

“That I do,” he agrees with a fond smile, leans down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Oh, would you kriffing  _ stop,” _ Fives says loudly, “we  _ get it, _ you two love each other.”

Ahsoka lifts one hand, vaguely threatening, and he swears and subsides, clutching his caf tightly.

~~~

They’re all relatively quiet as they enjoy their caf and breakfast, although there’s a great deal of whispering happening between Tup and Brii that Rex doesn’t entirely trust. Last time they got to talking Fives ended up with an embellished tattoo.

_ We should get you back to the med bay, you know, _ he sighs.  _ Tuck’s going to get mad enough to come find us if we don’t. _

_ I don’t want to _ , Ahsoka says, although he can tell she’s tired.

“Hey, Captain,” Tup says, and Rex looks up, raising his eyebrows suspiciously.

“Yeah?”

“I gotta show you this, look.” Before Brii can stop him, and before Rex is sure what he’s doing, Tup has grabbed Brii’s sketchbook and comes around to Rex’s side of the table.

“Hey, wait, don’t!” Brii yelps, pushing himself out of his seat. “It’s not finished yet, Tup, give that back.”

Tup just chuckles and sits down next to Rex holding the sketchbook against his chest so Rex can’t see what’s on the page. Definitely an unflattering drawing, then. “Look,  _ vod _ , you’re gonna love this.”

“Come on, Tup, don’t,” Brii says again, hurrying over and reaching for the book. Before he can grab it back though, Tup holds it out to Rex, grinning proudly, eagerly, and Rex takes it automatically, feels Ahsoka leaning toward him to see.

It’s not what he thought, at all. It’s a very rough sketch, even he can tell, of him and Ahsoka, Ahsoka leaning into his side, eyes alight with mischief, his cup of caf in her hands. He’s glaring at her, the slightest smile on his face, angled towards her, and Rex can’t believe how much of Ahsoka’s expression Brii caught in this little drawing. It makes his throat feel oddly tight and he doesn’t know why, except Soka looks happy and  _ he _ looks happy and it’s simple and honest and very  _ Brii _ , too.

“I’m sorry, you just seemed really comfortable and it was… kind of cute and I wanted to draw you,” Brii stammers, seems to want to reach for the sketchbook still, and Rex swallows and hands it back.

“It’s fine, kid,” he says gruffly. “You’re really kriffing good at that.”

~~~

Brii can’t quite help himself; the moment he sees Commander Tano stealing the Captain’s caf, he  _ has _ to pull his sketchbook out and draw it. The Commander looks so happy, so  _ proud _ of herself, and the Captain is glaring but he’s  _ smiling _ and it’s just… it’s just  _ cute, _ and his fingers itch to sketch the way the Commander’s eyes dance.

Tup figures out what he’s drawing almost immediately, makes little whispered comments in his ear as his charcoal flies across the paper. He makes a face--Tup’s advice is helpful, but he  _ hates _ it when people watch him draw, when they look at his rough sketches, because they’re so  _ terrible _ and he doesn’t want his  _ ori’vod _ to see just how bad the sketches start out.

Brii is in the middle of shading the chevrons on the Commander’s headtails when Tup  _ grins _ and says, “Hey, Captain, I gotta show you this, look,” and grabs the sketchbook.

And for a moment, the only thing Brii can think of is back on Kamino, when he was a cadet and the others had found him watching a squad attempting a simulation and sketching it--they’d laughed at the elaborate flower designs he’d drawn up, his tattoo ideas, the abstract designs he wanted to paint on his armor when he was assigned to a battalion, and they’d stolen the book and torn up a bunch of the drawings. “Hey, wait,  _ don’t!” _ he exclaims, jumping up, because  _ no, not again, _ but this is Tup, his  _ ori’vod, _ and Tup would never do that. Right? “It’s not finished yet, Tup, give that  _ back.” _

Of course, Tup doesn’t listen, and he  _ shows the Captain, _ and the Captain doesn’t  _ want _ Brii to draw him, doesn’t  _ like _ Brii’s drawings, doesn’t--doesn’t--he doesn’t want the Captain to see the drawing, it’s not even  _ done yet, _ and it’s  _ awful _ and the Captain will  _ hate him _ now because he’d drawn him after being told  _ no, _ and--

“I’m sorry,” he stammers out, somehow, around the awful choking in his throat, “you just seemed really comfortable and it was… kind of cute and I wanted to draw you,” and he stares down at his feet, one hand half-outstretched, even though there’s no way he can get the sketchbook back before the Captain sees it.

And then: “It’s fine, kid,” the Captain says, and gives the sketchbook back just like that. “You’re really kriffing good at that.”

Brii  _ freezes, _ stares at the Captain. “I… wait, really?” He can’t help but clutch his sketchbook close to his chest, arms wrapped protectively around it. “But, you said--dish detail?”

“He does that,” the Commander says, rolls her eyes fondly, and there’s just so much  _ life _ in her eyes, he  _ itches _ to try and draw it all. “Don’t worry, Brii. That’s a really nice sketch.”

“It’s not done,” he says quickly, trying not to sound too defensive. “It’ll be better after I finish it--unless you don’t want me to finish it? I can throw it away?” He really  _ really _ hopes they don’t want him to throw it away.

“Brii,” the Commander says, takes a drink of her caf, “trust me. It’s  _ fine. _ Rex doesn’t bite, he’s not going to yell at you. I promise.”

The Captain gives her a  _ look, _ like he’s annoyed she’s promising something like that without asking, or something, but that  _ does _ make Brii feel a bit better, and he almost manages a shy smile. “Thank you, Commander.” He blushes a bit, looks down, scuffing his feet, says, “You’re fun to draw--you and the Captain, I mean.”

~~~

_ Look, you scared him, Rex _ .

_ I don’t mean to, Soka, _ Rex grumbles, although he does feel a little bad. He really likes Brii, although why the kid is so cheerful still escapes him most times.

“Thanks,” Ahsoka says, out loud, smiling. “What else do you draw?”

Brii scuffs his foot and glances from Ahsoka to Tup to Rex, then back at Ahsoka. “Other people,” he says, shyly. “Tattoo designs. Sometimes animals.”

Rex smiles a little, can’t help it. Kriffing kid is  _ adorable _ .

“He’s good at all of it,” Tup says, and Rex chuckles a little because Tup is the definition of an  _ ori’vod _ with Brii.

“I believe you,” he says, and he’s tired enough that he briefly considers taking some of Ahsoka’s caf, but he knows it would just be disgusting.

_ Don’t you dare _ . Ahsoka wrinkles her nose and him and tightens her hands around her mug.  _ This is mine _ .

_ Trust me, I don’t want any of that _ .

Tup slings his arm around Brii’s shoulders and pulls him back to their bench to sit down, and Rex winks at Brii (because the kid deserves a break, really) and grabs Ahsoka’s mug from her.

“Rex, you kriffing-” He holds the mug out to his side, away from her, and she gives him a fierce glare before gesturing and the cup  _ yanks _ out of his fingers, spilling a little.

“Not  _ fair _ .”

“Don’t take my caf,” she says, shaking her head, taking a sip, and projecting a threatening impression of Brii giving him some horrendous pink monstrosity of a tattoo on his face.

“I hate you,” he grumbles.

~~~

“No you don’t,” Ahsoka says easily, and Rex rolls his eyes.

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” and she  _ smirks _ at him, ignores the way Fives  _ groans. _

Rex hums thoughtfully, sends,  _ Challenge accepted, _ and leans in and kisses her, fierce and possessive, and she leans into the kiss, smiles.

When she pulls back, Brii is busy working on his sketch again, Jesse is holding his hand out to Tup with a  _ meaningful _ look on his face (Tup  _ sighs _ and hands over some credits), and Fives is refusing to look at her and Rex in as melodramatic a way as possible.

In other words, a typical day in the 501st.

Ahsoka smiles quietly, drinks more caf, and wraps her blanket more securely around her, leaning into Rex’s side and dropping her head to rest on his shoulder. She’d hardly gotten any sleep last night, and she’s already exerted herself more this morning than she has since Kamino.

She’s  _ tired. _

~~~

Rex should definitely have gotten Ahsoka back to the med bay before she was too tired to walk, but it's a little late for that now. Oh well. The caf’s going to kick in a little while, but for now she's sleepy and doesn't seem to want to move.

He can't believe how… how sure he feels. How comfortable. He doesn't know why but everything feels lighter, easier than it had before. Maybe it's just that she's finally out of the med bay and with him, maybe it's being here with his men and his Jedi without having to worry about a fight - he's not sure. Whatever the case, he's… he's kriffing  _ happy _ .

“You're on dish detail today, Fives,” he says calmly, feels a surge of amusement from Soka.

“Of kriffing course,” Fives grumbles, getting up. He scratches his goatee and rolls his eyes, adding, “There's supposed to be an official rotation, Captain. You can't just assign it as punishment.”

“Can't I?” Rex says lightly, shrugging. “No one's stopping me, Fives.”

“The power's getting to your head,  _ vod _ .”

“You're the one who can't just watch your mouth.” Fives  _ swears _ , and Rex smiles “What did I tell you?”

“Oh kriff off.”

Rex snorts and puts an arm around Ahsoka, and she shifts against his side.  _ We should go back to the med bay. _

_ Don't want to, Rexter. That's too far _ .

It  _ is _ a long walk. Rex doesn't want to walk that far again himself. He can tell Tuck they were  _ going _ to come back but got too tired. It's not a lie, exactly.

_ Fine, but we should at least go to the barracks, and I can't carry you _ . His arms aren't healed enough yet.

~~~

_ Fine, _ Ahsoka hums, but she doesn’t make a move to get up. This is plenty comfortable right here, and the idea of  _ standing up _ is suddenly… too much effort.  _ You make a good pillow, _ she thinks sleepily, feels Rex’s side vibrate as he chuckles.

_ You’re not making sense, Soka. _

_ I’m making perfect sense, _ and she’s awake enough to be  _ affronted. You’re a good pillow.  _

He huffs out a sigh, but she can  _ feel _ his amusement, his love, and she’s sure he’s probably smiling.  _ You know you have to stand up, right? _

_ No, _ she grumbles, shifts closer to him.  _ ‘M fine here. This is nice. _ Rex projects a bit of a disgruntled  _ hmf _ at her, but she ignores him, lets herself drift a bit, although not entirely asleep.  _ You could have Tup carry me, _ she thinks, because she’s  _ not  _ walking anywhere. Not now. Maybe they should’ve gone back sooner, but she’s sick and  _ tired _ of being stuck in the medbay all the time.  _ Don’t wanna walk… _

~~~

Rex doesn't  _ particularly _ want to ask any of his  _ vod’e _ to carry Soka, but he can't, so he sighs and stands (and kriff, the blood rushes to his head, and that  _ hurts _ ) and shrugs. “Can one of you help me get Ahsoka to the barracks? She needs sleep and I'm not-” He gestures to his bandaged shoulder.

“Yeah, sure,  _ vod _ ,” Dogma says, giving him a disapproving look but getting up. “I'm not explaining this to Tuck for you.”

“I know.”

Tuck’s going to kill him, and Kix is going to help. And all the kriffing Coruscant medics are going to scold too. Oops.

Dogma hefts Ahsoka into his arms, blanket and all, and she says, softly, “Thanks, Dogma.”

“Sure, Commander,” he answers. The comment puts a small smile on his face.

Dogma automatically goes to Rex’s bunk and lays Ahsoka down, carefully, then turns to Rex with a look like he's trying not to say something.

“Yes, I know, we were irresponsible,” Rex huffs. “Thanks.”

Dogma smiles a little, apparently without meaning to. “Just stop doing stuff like this, Captain. You're going to hurt yourself.”

“I know. Thanks.” Rex wants to protest but this is Dogma trying to say he cares, so he lets it be.

“Okay.” Dogma nods stiffly, then turns to go, and Rex smiles after him. His  _ vod _ has come a long way.

_ You coming? _

_ Yeah, Soka, be patient _ . He reaches under his bunk for his datapad (bending over is a mistake), then climbs into the bed next to her and eyes her blanket.  _ Are you going to share? _

~~~

Ahsoka grumbles something inaudible, tugs at the blanket wrapped around her until it comes untangled.  _ I’m cold, _ she thinks, vaguely aware of Rex reaching under the bunk again and doing--something, she’s not sure what, too tired to open her eyes and see.

She figures it out when he lays back down, spreads her blanket over them, and settles another blanket over the top of  _ hers. _ Of course. The extra warmth is welcome, and she shifts, turns over to face Rex, curling into him. She slips one arm around his waist, hooks one leg around one of his, ignoring the way he hisses a little when her bare foot presses cold against his.  _ Love you, Rexter, _ she thinks, and he presses a kiss to the tip of her montrals, one at a time. She hums in pleasure, nestles a bit closer. 

His arms go around her almost automatically.

He feels safe and secure and  _ warm, _ and she loves that, loves how his presence soothes the fear and the cold and the nightmares she can’t escape.  _ Stay? _

~~~

_ Promise _ . He almost tells her  _ always _ , but not yet. Not today.

Soon.

She feels content and it's nice, soothing. He turns on his datapad, ignores her grumbling thought of  _ just go to sleep. _ He just wants to check a few things because he hasn't even looked at his reports yet today or seen the HoloNews and he really should at least  _ pretend _ he did. He finds himself unable to actually focus, however, partly because Ahsoka’s drowsiness and peace are washing comfortably across the bond and he's tired, partly because she's clinging to him so tight and he can hear her breathing, soft and with a hint of a snore.

He gives up on the reports, drops the datapad on the floor next to his bunk and shifts, curling toward her more and rubbing her back gently.  _ I love you, _ he thinks.

She rouses just a little, hums softly.  _ I love you too. Now shut up and go to sleep. _

He chuckles but obeys, kissing her temple. Sleeping with her helps the nightmares stay away, and it still feels painfully wonderful not to have a  _ single _ nightmare. He doesn't even mind her cold toes pressing against his calf or the fact that she's already starting to take all the blankets.

She's  _ his _ .

~~~

Tuck finally finds the Captain and the Commander in the _ barracks, _ of all places, sound asleep and curled together on Rex's bunk.

Rex is _ smiling _ in his sleep, both his arms holding Ahsoka tight against his chest. And Ahsoka herself has stolen most of the two blankets and pressed as close to Rex as humanly possible. Tuck _ wants _ to be angry at them--and he will be, he decides, because it was kriffing _ irresponsible _ of them to sneak out like that, but.

Later.

Later, when Ahsoka isn't sleeping the best she has since coming out of bacta; when Rex isn't smiling like he's got the entire galaxy in his arms.

Oh, he's _ definitely _ going to lecture them for this, he thinks. And also Dogma, for not telling him where they _ were. _ It's kriffing _ ridiculous. _

Later.

~~~

Another week passes with little to make it memorable, although Rex and his squad spend a lot of time in the med bay with Ahsoka. Tuck is keeping a much closer eye on her, so there's no more going to the mess for breakfast (although Jesse suggests pulling a coup and taking her by force). Since Ahsoka seems content with having caf and toast brought to her every morning, though, Rex vetoes that plan. Kix is aware enough at the end of the week to threaten too, anyway. No sense in angering  _ both _ their senior medics.

Rex decides the little room with the couches and chairs is actually the best idea anyone’s ever had, because it means there's somewhere comfortable to sit with Ahsoka where Tuck won't scold them. On this day, particularly, it's nice because she has to meditate so she's sitting cross-legged on the couch, and he has reports to sign and send on to Anakin so he's sitting on a chair across from the couch. They're comfortably close but not distracting each other.

The armory is short grenades  _ again _ . Rex is getting tired of having to requisition more of them.

Ahsoka hums a little, then says abruptly, “So what  _ are _ we going to do about the marriage vows, anyway?”

Kriffing  _ hells _ . She's asking him this  _ now _ ? He pauses, carefully sets down his stylus, and leans back to look at her. She looks serene, comfortable, although he feels a current of anxiety easing through her thoughts. “I don't… What do you mean, what are we going to ‘do about them’?”

“You know what I mean,” she says firmly, although he notices her hands tense a little where they rest on her knees. “We both said them, and meant them, so… Where does that leave us?”

Rex sighs and rubs his face, not sure how to answer. Especially since his first thought is that  _ it didn't count _ , but he can hardly say that to her, because what if she thinks it did? And he does want to say them to her, wants to promise, but that gives him an entirely different kind of anxiety. “I don't know, Soka, I guess… I guess I didn't want to say the vows to you like, like that.” It takes an effort not to start fidgeting with his stylus; he has to cross his arms and look down. He knows he's gone red, which isn't ideal.

~~~

Ahsoka opens her eyes, unfolding from her cross-legged position and sprawling out across the couch. “But you  _ do _ want to say them?” she asks, wincing a little as stretching pulls a bit uncomfortably on still-healing muscles. She turns, gesturing with one hand and unfolding the blanket from the back of the couch across her. (Sometimes, the Force can be  _ really handy.) _

Meditating is  _ boring, _ and she’s having trouble sinking into the Force today; she wants to  _ move, _ to lose herself in the comfortingly familiar motions of her ‘saber forms, but Tuck would  _ murder _ her and Kix would help and it’s really not worth it, she thinks. Maybe. She huffs, restless, tosses the blanket back off her again and stands. She has more energy today (probably in part to the caf Tuck still really doesn’t want her to drink), and she’s so  _ tired _ of laying around doing nothing.

Surely it wouldn’t hurt to just… run through one form, right? Without her ‘sabers, even, and it’s not like she’s going to push herself too hard--she knows better than that.

~~~

_ Don't you kriffing dare, _ Rex says sharply, narrowing his eyes at her.  _ No forms, Ahsoka _ . He conveniently ignores the question about  _ wanting _ to say the vows - he doesn't want to answer that badly, he wants it all to be  _ right _ .

_ Without my saber, even, Rex. I'm not going to do anything crazy _ .

**_No._ ** _ This is why Kix doesn't like you, Ahsoka.  _ He gets up, because she's standing and feeling stubborn and he's not letting her push him around on this one. “Listen to them, for  _ once _ ,  _ cyare _ .”

“Rex…” she grumbles. “I'll be  _ fine _ , I know how to be careful.”

She's going to ignore him and do it anyway, he can tell, so he sighs and walks around the table, stands in front of her with his arms crossed. “Sit  _ down _ , Soka.”

“Seriously?” She rolls her eyes and doesn't listen. “Or what?”

“For kriff’s sake,” he growls, and without further comment  strides into her space and bundles her into his arms, over his shoulder. He's gotten a lot stronger (although this might be pushing it) and she's not a match for him at her best, anyway.

“ _ Rex _ ! Kriff you, put me  _ down! _ ” She smacks his shoulder, and he can  _ feel _ she's scowling.

“No,” he hums, “Not until you promise to stay  _ put _ .”

“Not likely!”

Well, he's not letting her try to run forms, so he tightens his arms around her and starts out of the room.

“Where are you  _ going, _ hey, quit!” she snaps, smacking him again, and he snorts.

“Calm down, I'm just going to take you back to your bunk and tell Tuck what you were planning.”

“Traitor,” she grumbles. “Kriffing stop it, Rex.”

~~~

Rex just keeps walking, and Ahsoka  _ swears. _ “Fine, fine, just--put me  _ down, _ Rex, Tuck’s going to  _ murder you _ too--”

“Am I?” Tuck’s voice floats into the small room from further back in the main room of the medbay. “Why am I murdering my two most difficult patients  _ this time?” _

_ Don’t you  _ **_dare_ ** _ tell him, Rex,  _ and she can sense he’s not going to listen because he’s far too  _ amused, _ and she  _ really _ isn’t in the mood for another lecture and having to spend another week under intense scrutiny.  _ Or--or I’ll tell Fives we’re technically married! _

~~~

Rex’s stomach tightens and he stops dead, shifts her in his arms so he can meet her eyes. “You wouldn't,” he says. If Fives knew… Dear gods, he'd never have a moment of peace ever again.

Never mind the anxious, elated twinge the phrase  _ we're married _ gives him - they really do need to discuss that, he supposes.

“I will,” she threatens, but she wouldn't, he knows.

But still, he's not risking it. “Fine, I won't tell Tuck. But  _ no running forms _ .”

“Fine.”

He sets her down by the couch again (and regrets picking her up to begin with because his shoulder  _ burns _ and he has to go sit down, quickly), shaking his head. “Fives  _ cannot  _ know about this, you know that,” he says. They would never once, not in a hundred years, hear the end of it.

~~~

Ahsoka huffs, dropping back down onto the couch. “I know,” she says with a sigh, because he’s  _ right. _

That doesn’t mean she won’t tell Fives  _ anyway, _ though, if she needs to. Rex must sense that, because he gives her a pointed look and projects a wave of warning at her. He clearly doesn’t want to continue this conversation though, because he reaches for his datapad again, and a wave of frustration hits her because this is  _ important, _ they have to figure this out. So she crooks her fingers, pulls the ‘pad out of his hands and floats it to her. “Hey, give that back,” he says sharply.

She shakes her head. “We  _ have _ to actually  _ talk _ about this, Rex.” She has to admit to herself that there’s a certain  _ thrill _ in her stomach when she thinks about the idea of the vows being  _ binding. _

Yes, she’d said them when she’d thought she was about to die, but the more she thinks about the words the more she realizes this is something she  _ wants, _ more than anything else.  _ Bal mhi me’dinui an. We share all. _ And there’s no one else in the galaxy she’d rather share everything with--her heart, her soul, her mind…

Her life.

~~~

Rex sighs and picks up his stylus, gives up on controlling the fidgeting and nerves. “I know,” he says wearily. “I don’t want to say everything wrong, though, Ahsoka.”

She frowns, fiddling with his datapad, and he twists the stylus between his fingers. “Don’t worry about that, Rex. Just talk to me.”

He nods. “Well, it’s just… Ahsoka, I guess  _ technically _ , we’re… you know, married now.” Kriff, why can’t he just say that without going red and stuttering like Brii does when someone compliments him? “But I’d rather not…”  _ Just kriffing say it, deal with what happens after _ . “I’d rather we say it didn’t, ah, didn’t count.”

He twists his fingers so hard around the stylus he can feel it bend, and quickly sets it down, folding his hands and going still.

“Oh,” Ahsoka says, and he swallows, but he can’t speak up because he wants to say this  _ right _ , say it so she understands.

He had thought the vows were something he’d never get to say to her; had always told himself to keep quiet, to wait, because it had never felt right before, to promise  _ forever  _ and  _ everything _ when he had neither. But even though he still hasn’t heard anything from Anakin, even though there has been nothing fixed and he still only has half a life to promise her, he thinks… he thinks wasting time being afraid of losing her has only made it hurt worse.

~~~

Ahsoka takes a careful breath, in and out, tries to center herself, because--because Rex had said already that he  _ meant _ the vows, and… she knows that just because she  _ wants this, _ wants it more than than air, that doesn’t mean he shares that feeling.

But--but she doesn’t think that’s true, even though her initial gut reaction is to withdraw, to pull up shields around her heart and her mind because it  _ hurts, _ because this is the stinging pain of  _ rejection _ and it’s worse than she’d ever thought it would be. Because she remembers Rex with unabated  _ longing _ mixed with heart-wrenching  _ anguish _ in his eyes as he holds her close, humming  _ Of course I kriffing want it, Soka, and you. _

So--so she takes a deep breath, swallows, closes her eyes. Steels herself. Doesn’t let herself withdraw, pull back, hide, even though it  _ hurts, _ even though it’s hard. Her voice is--mostly steady, she thinks, when she does speak, and she’s proud of herself for that. “Can you--elaborate what you mean by that?”

~~~

Rex takes a deep, carefully regulated breath and stifles the hollow nervousness in his stomach. “Yeah,” he says, lowly, digging for the  _ right words _ because he knows he can find them but they don’t come as easily to him as they do to the Jedi or Kix or even Fives. “I've been trying to say, Ahsoka, I didn't want to make the vows the way I did. And I'm grateful you said them back, but I… I hoped if - when - I said them, I would know I could keep them.”

His heart is pounding and he's shaking just a little, and he can't just stay sitting here in his chair but he's afraid to move. But he's tired of waiting, tired of  _ wanting _ but not allowing himself to ask because he's  _ afraid _ .

He didn't get his jaig eyes for being cautious, for worrying about what would happen if everything went wrong, for hesitating.

Ahsoka’s still staring at him and he can feel she's trying to understand, feels hope and love and a little fear. So he swallows and pushes himself to his feet, squashes his nerves and doubts with a determined effort. When he closes the distance between them in a few long strides, it's with a deep, powerful sense of  _ purpose _ , of inevitability, of  _ knowing. _

He wants this, wants her, and whatever happens, he won't let anyone or anything stand between them again, much less his own fear.

He could lose himself in her blue eyes, and he loves that, loves her. Reaching out, he takes her hand, tugs her to her feet.

She seems a little frozen and he doesn't let himself worry about that. Purpose, certainty,  _ love _ .

“Would you let me say them again?” he asks, softly, gruffly. “And do it right this time?”

~~~

Ahsoka is frozen to the spot, hardly able to breathe. “I--now?” she manages to get out around the sudden explosion of  _ nerves _ in her stomach.

Rex shakes his head, and she can feel the same anxiety in him, but also purpose and certainty--he’s  _ sure _ about this, she can feel it. “When the time is right,” he says, soft and warm, and she can’t  _ breathe. _

She can’t seem to look away from his eyes, burning with golden fire; can’t seem to get enough of a breath to  _ speak, _ so she settles for wrapping her free hand around the back of his head and dragging him down to kiss her, fierce and possessive and with all the love in her heart.

_ Is that a yes? _ Rex asks, not breaking away, and she smiles into the kiss.

_ Obviously. _

And then someone  _ laughs _ from the doorway, and Ahsoka pulls back and spins around--it’s Kix, pale and wan and wrapped in a heavy blanket, but with a delighted grin on his face. “I don’t regret getting out of bed anymore,” he says cheerfully, “Fives is going to  _ love _ this.”

If Kix wasn’t  _ injured, _ Ahsoka thinks she just might punch him.

~~~

Rex  _ should _ be mad at Kix for interrupting, but there's so much elated, triumphant  _ love _ in his chest he just grins at his  _ vod, _ tightening his hand around Ahsoka’s. “How long have you been there?” he asks, feigns anger. (Leaves his hand in Ahsoka’s.)

“Long enough,” Kix says, smiling, and Rex can't help but grin back.  _ Can you believe it, _ he wants to say,  _ she's mine _ . “I'm glad you finally got this sorted,  _ vod _ .”

“Me too,” Rex says, and Ahsoka laughs, suddenly, bright and clear.

“Aren't you supposed to be in bed, Kix?” she asks, makes a stern face.

“I'm a senior medic,” Kix says, shrugs. “I know what I'm doing.”

“Well, you should sit down,” Rex says, pulls Ahsoka with him back to his chair. She settles on his lap, fitting her arms around his shoulders.

_ I love you so much, Rex, _ she thinks, and he hums a little and kisses her right headtail.

_ I love you too. _ He does, more than he really knows how to say, so he just projects the intense happiness in his chest, the love that has been his anchor since Umbara, since the mines and the bond and Kamino.

~~~

Ahsoka  _ smiles, _ wrapped in love and warmth and joy, and she leans her head against Rex’s shoulder, looks over at Kix. “You should  _ really _ sit down,” she tells him casually, humming a little.

Kix makes a face at her, but he shuffles over to the couch, curls up against one arm. “Just like you  _ really _ should be running ‘saber forms, Commander?”

Kriff. “But I  _ didn’t,” _ she points out, “and you  _ are _ walking around. So it’s not the same thing.” Mostly. “Please don’t tell Tuck?”

He laughs. “Don’t worry, I won’t--but if I find out you actually  _ are _ running your forms, I’m going to kriffing  _ murder _ you. Can’t you wait one more week?”

“But I’m  _ bored,” _ she complains, feels Rex’s amusement. “Tuck doesn’t let me do  _ anything.” _

_ That wouldn’t be because you snuck out of the medbay, would it? _ Rex sends, and she sticks her tongue out at him.

_ Shut up, you did it too. _

~~~

_ I was  _ allowed _ out of the med bay, you weren’t _ .

_ You went with me! _

So maybe he had. Rex just chuckles and shrugs - he doesn’t find he cares so much. “How are you feeling, Kix?” he asks. His medic hasn’t been allowed to do much - he’s more restricted than Ahsoka and Rex gets the sense it had been a nearer brush with death for him than Ahsoka.

But here he is, alive and healing, and he’s probably just high on excitement and adrenaline and happiness, but Rex feels like all the loss and the pain might actually be  _ over _ .

“I’m okay,” Kix says, tugging his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Everything still hurts.” He says that with an ironic twist of a smile, like it’s an understatement. “And the Force isn’t exactly being communicative - maybe because I ignored its advice and almost died, I don’t know.”

“Probably that,” Ahsoka says.

Rex tightens his arms around her middle, feels her huff a small sigh.  _ I’m fine, Rex. _

_ I know. _ It just feels reassuring to be able to feel her, to reach out and feel the brush of her thoughts instead of emptiness.

~~~

“General Kenobi has been teaching me meditation techniques,” Kix says after a moment. “He says I’m better at it than you are, Commander.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, too, even though she  _ knows _ that’s immature. “Kriff off, Kix,” and then she’s laughing because she can’t  _ help _ it, she feels so light and warm right now. “My Master is  _ Anakin, _ what do you expect?”

“Touche,” Kix says, smiles. “Hey, if I make a bet with Fives about when you guys will say the vows for real, will you tell me when so I can win?”

“No,” Rex says, at the same time as Ahsoka says, “Yeah, sure.”

_ Soka, he’ll be  _ **_insufferable!_ **

She rolls her eyes up at him.  _ He’s already insufferable, and it’ll be funny to see him lose. _

~~~

Kix has almost no energy, and it’s hard. He wants to be helping Tuck, making sure his  _ vod _ is alright, helping keep the Commander in line and make sure all their  _ vod’e _ have their medicine and aren’t ignoring Tuck’s orders. As it is, he’s confined to his bunk, and this room at most, and it doesn’t take a lot of coercion from Tuck to keep him in bed or a chair - he gets so  _ tired _ . His head hurts most of the time.

So he’s really glad to have this, to know Rex and Ahsoka are healing, to know the vows Rex made are going to be kept. They deserve this, and it helps him feel like he’s going to get better too. Even if he also feels a little awkward sitting here while they flirt.

He has good odds on winning a bet against Fives now, and it’s been  _ years _ since he’s managed that.

“Hang on,” Rex says suddenly, leaning forward, making the Commander grumble at him. “What do you mean if you make a bet with Fives about that? He doesn’t kriffing  _ know _ ,” and Kix blinks, surprised. He’d told Brii about the vows, and he’d heard from Fives directly afterward  _ (“is what the kid told me true, Kix?”) _ . He’d expected Fives to pester Rex with the knowledge immediately, but then, Fives hasn’t been himself lately and maybe even he knows Rex wouldn’t have appreciated that.

“I… may have told Brii, and Brii’s too new to the battalion to know- he told Fives.”

“Kriff me,” Rex groans, and Kix smiles, huffs a laugh.

“Anyway, the minute he knows you two have worked it out I’m sure he’ll start teasing, so I’d hold off till you’re good and ready,” Kix says, trying to get more comfortable. He wants to sleep. It’s something of a comfort actually being able to see his patients, both of whom are usually a pain to keep track of. He smiles to himself and closes his eyes. They’re happy, finally, and that makes him more content.

He thinks he can even  _ feel _ their joy like a current in the air and it’s strange, but he decides he likes being able to feel that, and he holds onto the feeling, lets it warm the chill that he can’t quite shake.

He thinks they’ll all be alright.

_ Fin _


End file.
